Ungakwazi ukukushaya usendaweni yothando? Emphakathini ogcwele udlame olusekelwe kubulili, ingabe ukujezisa ingane yakho kuyifundisa ukuthi iwufunda kanjani umehluko phakathi kokuhlukunyezwa nokuqondiswa?
Mhla ziyi-18 kuMandulo 2019, iNkantolo yoMthethosisekelo yaseNingizimu Afrika yakhipha isinqumo sokuthi ukushaywa ekhaya akukho emthethweni. Lesi sinqumo sinqabela noma yisiphi isijeziso esingokomzimba umzali angase asisebenzise enganeni yakhe njengokuyishaya noma ukuyishaya egameni lesiyalo.
Ukuvikela “isijeziso esifanele” abazali abasisebenzisa lapho bekhokhiswa ukulimaza izingane zabo akusasebenzi futhi kuthathwa njengokungqubuzana nomthethosisekelo. Kwaphikiswana ngokuthi lokhu kuzivikela kuvumela abazali ukuba baziphathe ngendlela engase ibhekwe njengokuhlasela uma kwenziwe umuntu omdala.
Nakuba lesi sinqumo sivikela izithakazelo namalungelo engane, abazali abaningi basakholelwa ukuthi siphazamisa indlela yabo yokukhulisa izingane yokusebenzisa amandla njengesijeziso sokungaziphathi kahle.
Nakuba lendlela yasesikoleni esidala yokushaya noma yokushaya ingane ngenxa yokungaziphathi kahle ingase ibonakale yamukeleka kumzali ovamile, ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ayikho ingane eyazuza ngokulinyazwa ngokomzimba umzali wayo. Lolu hlobo lwesijeziso aluzange lugxilise izindinganiso nenhlonipho enganeni futhi, esikhundleni sokuqonda imiphumela yokuziphatha kwayo, ingane yezwa imicabango emibi futhi yakha itulo lokuziphindiselela.
Kunjalo, kunomehluko phakathi kokusebenzisa amandla ukuze uvikele ingane yakho ukuthi ingalinyazwa – ngokwesibonelo ukususa isandla sayo ngenkani emlilweni bese ushaya ingane yakho enabukeni ngoba ufuna ukuthi iyeke ukukhala.
Isizathu sokusebenzelana kwakho ngokomzimba nengane yakho siyathethelela ukuthi wenze kanjalo ukuze uvimbele enye ingozi enganeni yakho noma udale umonakalo enganeni yakho.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kuncane kangakanani, ukulimala kwakho ngokomzimba enganeni yakho kungase kubonakale njengendlela yokujezisa. Uma, njengomzali, unquma ukuthi ubuhlungu kuyimpendulo yokufundisa ingane yakho indlela yokukuhlonipha nokuziphatha ngendlela efanele, kudingeka uqonde ukuthi lokhu kuhambisana nezinga lokwethemba kwengane yakho kuwe njengomvikeli elinciphayo.
Uma usakholelwa ukuthi ukushaya ingane yakho kwamukelekile, sicela uzibuze imibuzo elandelayo:
- Kungani, njengomzali, unomuzwa wokuthi kudingekile ukulimaza ingane yakho ngokomzimba lapho usabela ekuziphatheni kwayo okungafanele noma ukukhungatheka esikhundleni sokuqonda ukuthi yini ebangele ukuziphatha okubi?
- Uthethelela kanjani ukusebenzisa ukulimaza ngokomzimba enganeni engakwazi ukuqonda ngokugcwele izenzo zayo kanye nemiphumela?
- Ingabe ukushaya ingane yakho ukuphela kwendlela yokuyifundisa ukuxazulula izingxabano?
- Ingabe ukushaya ingane yakho kuyamukeleka ngaphandle kweminyango evaliwe ngenxa yokungaziphathi kahle ngoba akekho okufanele akutshele ukuthi uhloniphe amalungelo engane yakho?
- Ucabanga ukuthi kungani ilungelo lomunye umuntu omdala lobuqotho bomzimba nokukhululeka ekulimaleni libaluleke kakhulu kunelengane yakho?
- Kungani ucabanga ukuthi ukuzuza inhlonipho yengane yakho ngokujeziswa ngokomzimba kuwukuphela kwendlela yokuthola leyo nhlonipho?
Abazali abasebenzisa amandla, ukwesaba nobuhlungu enganeni yabo egameni lothando negunya abaziniki izingane zabo ithuba lokufunda indlela yokuqonda ukuthi hlobo luni lokuziphatha okungalungile okufana nokuhlukumeza lapho indawo ezungezile isishintshile.
Ngokwesibonelo, ingane ekhule ikholelwa ukuthi umzali wayo wayeyithanda kuyilapho eyilimaza ngokomzimba kuyoba nzima ukuhlukanisa lapho ihlukunyezwa ebuhlotsheni othile othi uyayithanda noma unegunya phezu kwayo. Lo mjikelezo wesizukulwane sokwenza ubuhlungu nokwesaba kwamukeleke ukuyala inhlonipho uletha umqondo wokuthi izingane kufanele zizwe ubuhlungu nokwesaba njengento evamile kunoma ibuphi ubuhlobo besikhathi esizayo. Le nqubo yokucabanga ilimaza ukudala umphakathi ongenalo udlame.
Ngesikhathi kwethulwa izinkulumo zokuphikisa nokuphikisa ukubhekwa kwesijeziso esifanele njengendlela yokuzivikela, uChief Justice Mogoeng Mogoeng wabuza ukuthi iyiphi enye indlela esikhundleni sokujeziswa ngokomzimba.
Iyiphi enye indlela yokushaya?
Esethulweni sami eNgqungqutheleni ye-African Child Trauma eKapa ngo-August nonyaka, ngaxoxa ngokugunyazwa kwabazali njengendlela yokufundisa ukuziphatha kahle. Njengomzali, ukuyala ingane yakho kuyikhono elibaluleke kakhulu neliyinselele okufanele ulithuthukise futhi lilolonga indlela ingane yakho esisingatha ngayo ukungqubuzana kanye nokukhungatheka kwayo njengoba ikhula.
Ukuba ngumzali onegunya kudinga umzamo.
Uma ufuna ukukhulisa ingane yakho futhi uyikhulise ukuze ikuhloniphe, kufanele wenze umzamo wokuxoxisana nayo ngendlela enenhlonipho. Ngokuvamile, ukugxekwa kokukhulisa izingane okugunyaziwe ukuthi asikho isikhathi esanele phakathi kokungaziphathi kahle kanye nesijeziso somzali sokubhekana nokungaziphathi ngendlela eyakhayo. Kuhlala kunesikhathi esanele, ngoba isikhathi esisithathayo ukushaya ingane yisikhathi esifanayo esisithathayo ukuze wenze ukukhetha okuhlakaniphile, okuqaphelayo ukuthi ungasabeli kodwa uphendule ekuziphatheni okubi.
Ukuba umzali onegunya kuhilela umzali ohlakaniphe ngokomzwelo ongakwazi ukwenza isinqumo sesibili sokuhlanganyela nengane yakhe ngegunya nokuqonda kunokuba asabele ngokulimaza ngokomzimba. Ukukhetha ukuphendula ingane yakho nokuhlanganyela nayo kuzophazamisa umjikelezo wokusabela kanye nemizwa ephezulu efika nokujeziswa ngokomzimba enganeni yakho.
Izinyathelo zokuxhumana nengane yakho ngendlela egunyaziwe:
- Yehlela ezingeni lengane yakho; isibonelo, uma beyingane noma behlezi. Buza ingane yakho ukuthi yini ebangele ukuziphatha okubi.
- Bavumele bakhulume ngenkathi ulalele, ngaphandle kokuphazamiseka okuncane.
- Qonda ngokugcwele ukuthi yini eholele kulokho kuziphatha ngemibuzo evulekile.
- Xoxani ngesixazululo esivumelanayo, esingokoqobo nanoma yimiphi imikhawulo okudingeka ibekwe.
Ukushintsha kwengqondo kusuka kumzali ojezisayo kuya kumzali onegunya kuzothatha isikhathi futhi ngeke ukulungise ngaso sonke isikhathi. Umgomo wakho ongenakugwenywa awukona ukunqoba impi elimazayo futhi umemezele ingane yakho njengohluliwe.
Lapho ulaya ingane yakho, akufanele neze uyishiye izizwa ingelutho, noma ube nomuzwa wokuthi uzozihlanganisa nayo kuphela uma isilungile. Akukho okungathethelela ukuthi ingane kufanele izizwe ingumuntu omncane noma amalungelo ayo ehlukunyezwe abantu ebathanda futhi ebathemba kakhulu, abazali bayo.
Lesi sihloko asisona iseluleko sezomthetho. Imininingwane engaphakathi kwalesi sihloko izingcaphuno zesethulo sombhali eNgqungqutheleni ye-African Child Trauma Conference 2019. Ukuze uthole ulwazi olwengeziwe, thintana ne-Fair Practice ku-info@fairpractice.co.za.
