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Sleep Divorce: Can Sleeping Apart Actually Save Your Relationship?
Health & WellnessSex & Relationships

Sleep Divorce: Can Sleeping Apart Actually Save Your Relationship?

by The Conversation January 3, 2026
written by The Conversation

Sleep divorce may sound dramatic, but more and more couples are realising that snoring, tossing, and different sleep schedules can quietly chip away at quality rest and patience. Choosing a sleep divorce doesn’t mean love is lost; it means both partners prioritise health and harmony. With better sleep often comes better moods, better communication, and ironically, a stronger bond, writes Alix Mellor, Monash University.

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Hundreds of years ago, it was common for married couples among the European upper classes to have separate bedrooms. Sleeping separately was a symbol of luxury and status historically reserved for royalty and the very wealthy.

Nowadays, it’s common for married couples and other couples in relationships to sleep in the same bed. But sometimes – for reasons from conflicting schedules to snoring to sleep talking – couples might choose to sleep separately in pursuit of a better night’s sleep.

This is known as “sleep divorce”. Though I prefer the term “sleep separation”, as this doesn’t have to be a permanent arrangement – but more on that later.

So why might couples choose to sleep separately? And what does the evidence say about the effects on sleep quality if you sleep alone versus with a partner?

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Cemile Bingol/Getty Images

Why do couples opt for a sleep separation?

Couples may choose to sleep apart if one partner’s sleep is disturbing the other’s, or both are disrupting one another. This can happen for a variety of reasons.

These include waking up frequently in the night, mismatched body clocks (for example, one person coming to bed later than the other), conflicting schedules (for example, shift workers), snoring, twitching legs or sleep talking.

Parents with babies and young children may choose to sleep separately to avoid both partners’ sleep being disturbed.

Those with conflicting preferences for sleeping environments, such as one partner liking a cool room with a fan and the other preferring warmth, may also decide to sleep apart.

What are the benefits of sleeping alone?

Many couples say they prefer to sleep – and sleep better – next to their partner.

But when scientists measure sleep objectively, such as via an electroencephalogram (EEG) to assess brain waves, the data actually shows poorer sleep quality when co-sleeping. So sleeping alone may, in fact, mean better quality and longer sleep.

Research also shows when one member of the couple has a sleep disorder, such as insomnia or sleep apnoea (where breathing is frequently interrupted during sleep), these people often inadvertently wake up their partner when they wake in the night. So sleeping alone could be a good idea if your bed partner has a sleep disorder.

What’s more, studies have found sleep disturbances are linked to reduced relationship satisfaction. So sleeping apart could actually mean happier couples.

Finally, anyone who has struggled with their sleep will know anxiety around sleep is common. Many clients I have seen who experience insomnia report sleeping alone can alleviate some of their anxiety because at least they know they won’t disturb, or be disturbed by, their partner.

A birds-eye-view of a couple turned away from each other in bed.
Disturbed sleep has been linked to lower relationship satisfaction.
Gorodenkoff/Shutterstock

Are there any downsides to separate sleeping arrangements?

Some people dislike sleeping alone, reporting comfort, and feelings of safety and protection when sleeping alongside their partner – and loneliness when they don’t.

Sleeping separately also requires two rooms, or at least two beds. Many couples may not have these options available to them in their home.

Sleeping separately is often stigmatised, with some people seeing it as the death of a couple’s sex life. But while sleeping in separate beds may provide fewer opportunities for sex, this doesn’t necessarily mean the end of intimacy.

Sleeping apart could mean some couples actually have more sex. We know better sleep is linked to more positive feelings about relationships, so it’s possible the desire to be intimate could increase after a good night’s sleep in separate beds. Sleeping apart may even mean some couples have more energy to be intimate.

Nonetheless, if you choose to sleep separately from your partner, it’s important to have an open discussion and prioritise opportunities for connection and intimacy. One client I worked with referred to “visiting rights” where her partner came into her bed for a short period before sleep or in the morning.

Who should potentially consider a sleep separation?

You may wish to think about a “sleep separation” if you are disturbing each other’s sleep, have young children, or have different preferences in terms of temperature, light and noise, which are causing issues.

Ultimately, if sleeping in the same bed is leading to poor sleep then sleeping apart, if it’s possible, could help.

If you can’t sleep separately there may be other ways to reduce disturbance from a partner such as using an eye mask, white noise or earplugs.

If you decide to try a sleep separation, remember this can be a flexible arrangement or “re-set” and doesn’t have to be permanent, or every night. Some couples find sleeping separately during the working week but sharing a bed on the weekend works well for them.

Lastly, it’s important to talk to your GP about any persistent sleep problems, such as snoring, insomnia, or unusual behaviour during sleep (for example, shouting or walking around), as there may be an underlying sleep disorder which needs treating.The Conversation

Alix Mellor, Research Fellow, Psychology, Monash University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

BabyYumYum FAQs: Sleep Divorce: Can Sleeping Apart Actually Save Your Relationship?

What is a “sleep divorce”?

A sleep divorce means couples choose to sleep in separate beds or bedrooms to improve sleep quality and reduce tension caused by disrupted rest. It’s not about ending intimacy, it’s about getting better sleep and protecting the relationship.

Why are more couples choosing to sleep separately?

Many couples struggle with snoring, different bedtimes, restlessness or temperature preferences. Constant sleep disruptions can lead to irritability and conflict, so sleeping apart can actually help restore calm and connection.

Does sleeping separately mean the relationship is in trouble?

Not necessarily. In many cases, it’s a sign of maturity and self-awareness. Couples who prioritise good rest often find they communicate better, argue less and enjoy their time together more when awake.

How can poor sleep affect a relationship?

Lack of sleep increases stress, irritability and emotional distance. Studies show sleep-deprived partners are more likely to argue, struggle with empathy and feel less satisfied in their relationship.

How can couples make a sleep divorce work?

Communication is key. Agree on boundaries and explain that it’s about sleep health, not separation. Keep intimacy alive through shared bedtime rituals, morning check-ins or weekend cuddles.

Is sleeping separately common in South Africa?

Yes, though many couples don’t talk openly about it. Cultural expectations can make it seem unusual, but it’s becoming more common among South African couples prioritising health, work performance and emotional wellbeing.

Can a sleep divorce improve intimacy?

Yes. When both partners are well-rested, they’re often more affectionate, patient and emotionally available. Separate sleep doesn’t mean separate lives and it can enhance closeness during waking hours.

What are signs that a sleep divorce might help?

  • You regularly argue about snoring or movement

  • One partner stays awake while the other sleeps

  • You feel exhausted or resentful every morning

  • Sleep deprivation is affecting mood, work, or parenting

Are there alternatives to sleeping in separate rooms?

Yes. Try white noise machines, earplugs, larger beds, sleep apps, or mattress toppers. Adjusting temperature, lighting, and bedtime routines can also make a big difference.

Could sleeping apart lead to emotional distance?

Only if it’s done without clear communication. Couples who discuss it openly and still prioritise time together such as morning coffee or evening chats rarely lose emotional connection.

When should couples seek help?

If sleep issues stem from deeper problems like avoidance, conflict, or emotional disconnection, couples therapy can help address the underlying causes while exploring healthy sleep habits.

 

 

Disclaimer: This information is for general relationship and wellbeing guidance. It is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. If sleep or relationship issues persist, consult a healthcare provider, sleep specialist, or couples counsellor.

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The Neurotypical Sibling Experience: What Every Parent Should Know
ParentingExpertsNeurodiversitySpecial Needs Advice

Expert The Neurotypical Sibling Experience: What Every Parent Should Know

by The Neuroverse November 20, 2025
written by The Neuroverse
the neuroverse

Raising a neurodiverse child brings incredible lessons, but it can also cast a quiet shadow over another family member, the neurotypical sibling. The neurotypical sibling experience: what every parent should know goes beyond routines and responsibilities. It’s about the unspoken pressures, silent sacrifices, and the empathy that often goes unnoticed. If you’re a parent, understanding this perspective can strengthen your whole family dynamic in beautiful, lasting ways.

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When you’re raising a child with a neurodevelopmental condition such as autism or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), it’s natural for much of your time and energy to be directed towards meeting their unique needs.

Parents often ask: How does this affect my other child?

For neurotypical siblings, growing up alongside a neurodivergent brother or sister can be both rewarding and emotionally demanding. These children frequently experience feelings and challenges that are easy to overlook, but understanding and supporting them can make a lasting difference.

Feeling Left Out or Lonely

Many neurotypical siblings report feeling isolated or left out, especially when their neurodivergent sibling requires more attention or care. They may quietly struggle with sadness or feel that their emotional needs are less important in the family dynamic. Research shows that this can sometimes lead to feelings of loneliness and even depression, particularly if they don’t have a safe space to express these emotions.

As a parent, being aware of these feelings (and checking in regularly) can help prevent them from building up over time.

Resentment and Emotional Conflict

It’s not uncommon for neurotypical siblings to feel resentment. They might notice that family life tends to revolve around their siblings’ needs, and they may feel frustrated or even invisible at times. These emotions are normal but can be confusing for a child who also deeply cares for their sibling.

Try to validate these complex feelings rather than dismiss them. Acknowledging their perspective helps children feel seen and supported.

Managing Social Situations

Children may also feel anxious in social settings if their siblings’ behaviours are unpredictable or misunderstood by others. They might feel embarrassed, become overly protective, or find it hard to explain what’s happening to peers. Over time, this can affect their confidence or lead them to avoid social events altogether.

Creating open conversations about these experiences (and helping your child practise what to say in tricky situations) can empower them and reduce stress.

Sibling Relationships Over Time

While some siblings develop a close and lasting bond, others may feel disconnected. This is especially true if the neurodivergent sibling has significant communication or behavioural challenges. As they grow older, neurotypical siblings may grieve the idea of a “typical” sibling relationship, especially if it becomes clear that their bond will always look different from that of their friends.

In some families, this can lead to emotional distance in adulthood. Understanding this possibility can help you support both children more intentionally from early on.

Empathy, Maturity and the Risk of Burnout

Despite the challenges, many neurotypical siblings develop remarkable empathy, patience, and resilience. They often grow up with a strong sense of social awareness and responsibility. However, it’s important to make sure they’re not taking on a “third parent” role or hiding their own needs in order to keep the peace.

Encouraging your child to express their emotions, celebrate their own identity, and have experiences independent of their sibling is crucial for healthy development.

How Parents Can Support Neurotypical Siblings

There are simple yet powerful ways to nurture your neurotypical child’s wellbeing:

  • One-on-One Time:
    Regular, uninterrupted time with each child reminds them that they are just as valued and loved. Even 20 minutes of focused attention can make a big difference.
  • Sibling Support Groups:
    Consider support groups or sibling workshops (in person or online) where they can meet peers who get it. These connections can help them feel less alone.
  • Age-Appropriate Information:
    Helping your child understand their sibling’s diagnosis in a way that makes sense to them can reduce confusion and increase empathy.
  • Involve Them, But Don’t Burden Them:
    It’s okay to involve siblings in routines or care—but keep it age-appropriate. They should never feel it’s their job to manage everything.
  • Professional Support if Needed:
    If you notice your neurotypical child withdrawing, becoming anxious, or overly angry, a therapist or counsellor can help them process these complex feelings.

Creating a Family Culture of Understanding

Every family is different, and there is no perfect approach. But what matters most is recognising that your neurotypical child’s experience is valid, important, and worthy of attention. By being proactive and compassionate, you can foster an environment where all your children (neurodivergent and neurotypical alike) can thrive.

References

  • Sipowicz, K. (2022). Being an adult sibling of an individual with autism spectrum disorder may be a predictor of loneliness and depression – Preliminary findings from a cross-sectional study. Frontiers in Psychology. Link
  • Holl, E. (2020). Siblings: Common Concerns and Effective Support Strategies. Autism Spectrum News. Link
  • Autism Speaks. (2021). 20 Things You Experience as a ‘Neurotypical’ Sibling. Link
  • Psychology Today. (2023). A Hidden Cause of Some Difficult Family Relationships. Link
  • Kaminsky, L. & Dewey, D. (2001). Siblings’ relationships of children with autism. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 31(4), 399–410. Link

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Understanding neurodiversity and its impact on youth today is crucial for fostering inclusive environments where all children can thrive. By embracing neurodiversity, we acknowledge and celebrate the natural variations in human cognition, recognising that differences such as ADHD, autism, and dyslexia are integral aspects of human diversity.

Table of Contents

What is Neurodiversity?

Neurodiversity refers to the concept that neurological differences are natural variations of the human genome. Coined by sociologist Judy Singer in the late 1990s, the term challenges the traditional view of neurological conditions as deficits, promoting the idea that these variations should be recognised and respected as a social category akin to ethnicity or gender. Common neurodivergent conditions include Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), dyslexia, dyspraxia, and Tourette syndrome.

Why Understanding Neurodiversity Matters Today

In the United Kingdom, it’s estimated that 15% of the population is neurodivergent. This significant proportion underscores the importance of creating supportive environments in educational settings, workplaces, and communities. By understanding and embracing neurodiversity, we move towards a more inclusive society that values the unique contributions of all individuals.

Common Neurodivergent Conditions Explained

  • Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): A developmental condition characterised by differences in social communication and the presence of restricted, repetitive behaviours or interests. Autistic individuals may experience sensory sensitivities and unique ways of learning and problem-solving.

  • Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): Marked by patterns of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity that can interfere with functioning or development. Individuals with ADHD may have trouble focusing, following through on tasks, or sitting still for extended periods.

  • Dyslexia: A learning difference affecting reading, spelling, and writing skills. Dyslexia does not impact intelligence but involves difficulties with language processing.

  • Dyspraxia (Developmental Coordination Disorder): A condition affecting physical coordination, making routine tasks requiring balance and fine motor skills challenging.

  • Tourette Syndrome: Characterised by repetitive, involuntary movements and vocalisations called tics.

Social Challenges Neurodivergent Youth Face

Neurodivergent children often encounter unique social challenges that significantly impact their daily lives. Understanding these challenges is vital for parents, teachers, and peers to offer meaningful support and foster a nurturing environment.

Difficulty Interpreting Social Cues

One of the most prevalent challenges neurodivergent children face is difficulty interpreting social cues. While neurotypical children intuitively grasp body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, neurodivergent youth—especially those with autism or ADHD—often struggle in this area. For instance, a child with autism may not notice that a friend is feeling upset or uncomfortable because they miss subtle changes in facial expressions or gestures. Likewise, a child with ADHD might unintentionally interrupt or miss social signals indicating that it’s someone else’s turn to speak.

This difficulty can result in misunderstandings and miscommunications with peers, teachers, and family members. Without clear guidance and support, neurodivergent children may inadvertently offend others or appear insensitive, despite their intentions being entirely innocent. Over time, these misunderstandings can lead to frustration and anxiety in social settings, causing some children to withdraw entirely or avoid interactions altogether.

Bullying and Social Isolation

Due to differences in behaviour, communication styles, or interests, neurodivergent youth frequently become targets of bullying. Unfortunately, classmates may misunderstand behaviours associated with conditions like autism or Tourette’s syndrome—such as repetitive movements, vocal tics, or unconventional responses—as strange or unusual, leading to exclusion, teasing, or direct bullying.

Research indicates neurodivergent children are disproportionately affected by bullying, with autistic youth especially vulnerable. The experience of being targeted or singled out contributes heavily to social isolation, as many neurodivergent children struggle to find acceptance among peers. Without intervention, this social isolation often escalates into prolonged loneliness, severely affecting emotional wellbeing and academic performance.

Struggles with Friendship Formation

Forming and maintaining friendships involves understanding complex, unwritten social rules, something that neurodivergent youth often find challenging. A neurodivergent child may genuinely desire friends but struggle to initiate conversations, maintain reciprocal interactions, or correctly interpret the intent behind a peer’s actions. For instance, an autistic child might repeatedly talk about their favourite subject without realising their friend has lost interest. Similarly, a child with ADHD might seem overly intense or struggle to sustain attention in conversations, inadvertently pushing peers away.

Friendships are crucial for emotional support, identity formation, and social development, so difficulty in this area has far-reaching implications. Without stable friendships, neurodivergent children may feel misunderstood or undervalued, contributing significantly to decreased self-esteem and increased anxiety or depression.

Impact on Emotional Wellbeing

Collectively, these social challenges create substantial emotional stress. Neurodivergent youth experiencing persistent social misunderstandings, bullying, or isolation often internalise these negative experiences. They may develop anxiety around social situations, withdraw from interactions entirely, or show signs of depression, such as persistent sadness, irritability, or reduced interest in activities they previously enjoyed.

Additionally, chronic social challenges can impact their self-concept, leading many neurodivergent children to internalise a belief that something is inherently “wrong” with them. Without active reassurance, inclusive interventions, and targeted support from parents and educators, these negative self-beliefs can persist into adulthood, significantly affecting quality of life.

Supporting Social Development in Neurodivergent Youth

Fortunately, there are several practical strategies parents and educators can implement to address these social challenges proactively:

  • Social Skills Training: Structured programmes or groups explicitly teach skills like interpreting facial expressions, body language, conversational rules, and social problem-solving.

  • Peer Mentoring and Buddy Systems: Pairing neurodivergent youth with supportive peers can promote inclusion, reduce bullying, and provide positive role models for social interaction.

  • Inclusive School Environments: Encouraging classrooms and school cultures that explicitly teach empathy, acceptance, and respect for differences can greatly reduce bullying and isolation.

  • Positive Reinforcement: Praising and positively reinforcing desired social behaviours boosts confidence and motivates neurodivergent youth to continue developing socially appropriate skills.

By recognising and addressing these challenges, parents, teachers, and communities can create environments where neurodivergent youth feel safe, understood, and empowered to build positive, meaningful relationships.

Educational Barriers in Traditional Schools

Traditional educational settings often present unique challenges for neurodivergent youth. These environments typically cater to neurotypical learning styles, unintentionally creating significant barriers for children with conditions such as ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, or dyscalculia. Understanding these educational barriers is crucial for parents and educators aiming to support every child’s right to succeed.

Sensory Overload and Classroom Environment

Sensory overload is a significant challenge for many neurodivergent students, particularly those with autism, ADHD, sensory processing disorder (SPD), or anxiety-related conditions. Traditional classroom settings can be highly stimulating environments, filled with various sights, sounds, textures, and smells that neurotypical students may not even notice. However, for neurodivergent children, these everyday stimuli can be overwhelming, leading to stress, anxiety, distraction, or meltdowns.

The Impact of Sensory Overload in Classrooms

Most traditional classrooms are designed for efficiency and structure rather than sensory accessibility. Many children with sensory sensitivities find these environments difficult to navigate due to:

  • Bright fluorescent lights that flicker subtly but can feel like flashing strobes to a sensory-sensitive child.
  • Loud background noise from classroom chatter, pencil sharpeners, shuffling feet, scraping chairs, or even ticking clocks.
  • Crowded seating arrangements, making personal space feel restricted and increasing exposure to unpredictable movements and sounds.
  • Unpleasant textures such as certain types of paper, rough uniforms, or the feel of a classroom carpet.
  • Overpowering smells from lunchboxes, cleaning supplies, or perfumes worn by teachers and students.

For neurodivergent students, constant exposure to these stimuli can be exhausting. While neurotypical children may filter out background noise and focus on a lesson, a neurodivergent child might be unable to ignore the rustling of paper, the hum of a projector, or the flickering of a faulty light.

How Sensory Overload Affects Learning and Behaviour

When a neurodivergent child is experiencing sensory overload, their brain prioritises coping with the overwhelming stimuli over processing information from a lesson. This can result in:

  • Difficulty focusing on instructions, leading to misunderstandings or missing key concepts.
  • Increased anxiety, causing stress responses such as fidgeting, avoidance, or even physical discomfort.
  • Emotional distress, which may manifest as frustration, withdrawal, or outbursts.
  • Meltdowns or shutdowns, where the child becomes unable to process the environment at all—this can look like crying, freezing, or leaving the classroom suddenly.
  • Avoidance of school, where persistent sensory discomfort leads to a reluctance or refusal to attend.

For example, an autistic student who is particularly sensitive to sound may struggle to concentrate during a group discussion if multiple voices are speaking at once. They may cover their ears, rock back and forth, or ask to leave the room—behaviours that can be misinterpreted as disruptive or inattentive rather than signs of distress.

Similarly, a child with ADHD may seek sensory input to regulate themselves, such as tapping their foot, fidgeting, or doodling. If these natural coping mechanisms are discouraged or punished, it can lead to increased frustration and reduced ability to concentrate.

Recognising Sensory Distress in Neurodivergent Students

Teachers and school staff should be aware of the subtle signs of sensory overload, which may include:

  • Frequent covering of ears or eyes
  • Avoiding certain textures (e.g., refusing to touch glue, paper, or fabrics)
  • Becoming overwhelmed in busy spaces like assemblies, corridors, or lunchrooms
  • Seeking sensory input through constant movement, fidgeting, or chewing on objects
  • Appearing withdrawn or ‘zoned out’ in loud or visually stimulating environments
  • Meltdowns following exposure to overwhelming stimuli

Unfortunately, sensory overload is often misinterpreted as misbehaviour, defiance, or a lack of engagement. For example, a teacher might assume a child is ignoring instructions when in reality, they are simply too overwhelmed to process verbal directions. Recognising sensory distress as a legitimate issue rather than a behavioural problem is key to fostering a more inclusive learning environment.

Strategies to Reduce Sensory Overload in the Classroom

While not every sensory challenge can be eliminated, schools can implement small but effective changes to help neurodivergent students cope:

1. Creating Sensory-Friendly Spaces

  • Designate quiet areas within the classroom where students can take sensory breaks.
  • Provide noise-cancelling headphones for children sensitive to sound.
  • Allow access to fidget tools or sensory cushions to help with self-regulation.

2. Adjusting Classroom Lighting

  • Replace fluorescent bulbs with softer, natural lighting where possible.
  • Provide dimmable lighting or adjustable lamps for students who need reduced brightness.
  • Allow students to wear caps, sunglasses, or tinted lenses if light sensitivity is an issue.

3. Managing Noise Levels

  • Establish a quiet corner in the classroom for children needing a break from auditory input.
  • Use soft-close furniture and sound-absorbing materials (such as rugs or curtains) to minimise sudden noises.
  • Allow the use of ear defenders or noise-cancelling headphones during noisy activities.

4. Offering Flexible Seating Arrangements

  • Allow students to choose seating that best suits their sensory needs, whether it’s near a window, at the back, or away from high-traffic areas.
  • Offer alternative seating options, such as wobble stools, standing desks, or floor cushions.
  • Ensure that personal space is respected, avoiding cramped or overly crowded desk arrangements.

5. Providing Alternative Learning Methods

  • Incorporate visual aids and hands-on activities to support different learning styles.
  • Allow students to use laptops or assistive technology if writing on paper is a sensory challenge.
  • Offer movement breaks to help children regulate their sensory needs before returning to tasks.

Sensory overload can significantly impact the ability of neurodivergent students to engage with learning and feel comfortable in school. By recognising the impact of classroom environments on sensory-sensitive students and implementing simple accommodations, educators can create a more inclusive, supportive, and effective learning experience. Understanding that sensory sensitivities are not behavioural problems, but real neuroological differences, is the first step in fostering a classroom where all children can thrive.

Misinterpretation of Neurodivergent Behaviours

Neurodivergent children often display behaviours stemming directly from their neurological conditions, which can unfortunately be misunderstood in traditional schools. Teachers might interpret ADHD-related hyperactivity, impulsivity, or inattention as deliberate defiance, disrespect, or laziness. For example, a child with ADHD might frequently forget assignments or have trouble staying seated, not because they’re unwilling, but because their neurological condition affects executive functioning and impulse control.

Similarly, autistic children may struggle with sudden transitions between activities, leading them to appear stubborn or difficult. Without proper training and awareness, educators may inadvertently react harshly to these behaviours through punishment or criticism rather than empathy and support. This misunderstanding can damage a child’s self-esteem, exacerbate anxiety, and ultimately disengage them from learning.

Challenges with Standard Teaching Methods

The ‘one-size-fits-all’ teaching methods prevalent in traditional education often present significant barriers for neurodivergent students. These students typically require personalised or alternative approaches to learning. For instance, dyslexic children often struggle to decode and read at the expected speed, causing frustration in classrooms that heavily rely on written materials. Similarly, children with dyscalculia find traditional maths teaching methods confusing and discouraging.

Rigid teaching methods and standardised tests rarely accommodate neurodiverse learning styles. Many students who would excel if given alternative ways to demonstrate their understanding—such as oral presentations, practical projects, or hands-on activities—can feel alienated when their strengths are overlooked. As a result, these children might perform poorly academically, despite being capable and intelligent learners.

Inappropriate or Misguided Disciplinary Actions

Another significant barrier is the frequent misunderstanding of behaviours stemming directly from neurodivergent conditions. Due to lack of adequate training or awareness, some educators interpret behaviours like meltdowns, difficulty with organisation, impulsivity, or social misunderstandings as intentional defiance. Consequently, neurodivergent students face disciplinary actions more often than their peers.

In fact, studies in the UK show neurodivergent students, particularly those with ADHD and autism, are disproportionately subjected to disciplinary actions, suspensions, or exclusions. Such punishments rarely address the underlying cause, often exacerbating negative behaviours or leading to a sense of injustice and resentment. For instance, a child with Tourette syndrome may receive punishments for involuntary vocal or physical tics, creating confusion and stress rather than improving their school experience.

Academic Underachievement and Disengagement

When traditional schools fail to address these barriers effectively, neurodivergent students commonly experience academic underachievement and become disengaged from learning. Many students start associating education with feelings of failure, inadequacy, and anxiety. Over time, repeated negative experiences can make them resistant or reluctant learners, further diminishing their performance and motivation.

Disengagement becomes more pronounced as children age, often peaking in secondary school when academic and social demands become increasingly complex. In severe cases, some neurodivergent youth may completely withdraw from school, leading to long-term academic, social, and emotional consequences.

Overcoming Educational Barriers: Practical Steps for Schools and Parents

While educational barriers exist, they can be effectively overcome through strategic interventions:

  • Teacher training: Schools should provide professional development on neurodiversity, equipping teachers with knowledge about common neurodivergent conditions and effective teaching strategies.

  • Flexible Teaching Approaches: Adopting differentiated instruction, incorporating visual supports, allowing additional processing time, or providing assistive technology can significantly enhance learning.

  • Sensory-friendly environments: Schools can implement simple accommodations such as quiet zones, sensory rooms, adjustable lighting, or noise-cancelling headphones.

  • Clear behaviour management strategies: Schools should replace punitive approaches with supportive, proactive strategies, such as Positive Behavioural Support (PBS), to address behavioural issues constructively.

  • Parent-school collaboration: Parents can work closely with schools, advocating for tailored accommodations like Individual Education Plans (IEPs) or Education, Health and Care Plans (EHCPs), ensuring their child’s specific learning needs are clearly understood and met.

Through these actions, traditional schools can adapt to better meet neurodivergent students’ needs, transforming educational barriers into opportunities for success.

YOU MUST READ: What Is Neurodiversity? 7 Things Every Parent Should Know

Neurodivergent youth face an increased risk of experiencing emotional and mental health challenges due to the ongoing difficulties they encounter in everyday life.

Emotional and Mental Health Issues

Neurodivergent youth face an increased risk of experiencing emotional and mental health challenges due to the ongoing difficulties they encounter in everyday life. Whether it’s struggling to fit into a neurotypical world, managing sensory sensitivities, or dealing with social rejection, these persistent stressors can have a profound impact on their mental well-being. Without appropriate support, neurodivergent children and teenagers may develop anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and emotional dysregulation, making it even harder for them to thrive in school, at home, and in social settings.

Understanding these challenges is crucial for parents, teachers, and mental health professionals so they can provide the right interventions, coping strategies, and emotional support.

Anxiety and Depression: A Common Struggle

Many neurodivergent children experience chronic anxiety and depression due to the difficulties they face in everyday life. Unlike their neurotypical peers, they often navigate environments that do not cater to their needs, leading to persistent stress, frustration, and exhaustion. Over time, this can result in long-term emotional distress.

Factors That Contribute to Anxiety and Depression:

  1. Overwhelm from Sensory Sensitivities – Bright lights, loud noises, crowded spaces, and unpredictable environments can create constant stress for children with sensory processing issues, leading to heightened anxiety.
  2. Social Challenges – Struggling to interpret body language, tone of voice, or social norms can lead to misunderstandings, social exclusion, or bullying, which can cause feelings of loneliness and rejection.
  3. Academic Pressures – Many neurodivergent children struggle with traditional learning methods and may fall behind academically, leading to frustration, self-doubt, and feelings of inadequacy.
  4. Masking and Burnout – Some neurodivergent individuals hide their true selves to fit in with their peers. This process, known as masking, can be mentally and emotionally exhausting, often leading to burnout and depression.
  5. Frequent Negative Feedback – Neurodivergent children may receive constant criticism for behaviours they struggle to control, such as fidgeting, speaking out of turn, or having difficulty following multi-step instructions. This reinforces feelings of failure and damages their self-confidence.

Signs of Anxiety and Depression in Neurodivergent Children:

  • Excessive worry about school, social interactions, or new situations.
  • Avoidance of activities they once enjoyed.
  • Frequent headaches or stomach aches with no clear medical cause.
  • Trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares.
  • Emotional outbursts or frequent crying.
  • A significant drop in academic performance.
  • Expressions of self-doubt, hopelessness, or feeling like a failure.
  • Withdrawal from friends, family, or school activities.

Without intervention, untreated anxiety and depression can persist into adulthood, affecting education, employment, and personal relationships. This makes early identification and support critical.

Low Self-Esteem: The Hidden Struggle

Many neurodivergent youth develop low self-esteem due to repeated negative experiences. Whether it’s struggling academically, feeling different from peers, or being frequently disciplined for behaviours beyond their control, these experiences can lead to a negative self-image.

Why Neurodivergent Children Develop Low Self-Esteem:

  • Frequent social rejection – Difficulty making and maintaining friendships can lead to feelings of unworthiness and loneliness.
  • Academic struggles – When neurodivergent students can’t meet the same expectations as their peers, they may begin to believe they are less intelligent or less capable.
  • Constant correction and discipline – Being repeatedly told to “sit still,” “pay attention,” or “stop interrupting” reinforces the idea that something is “wrong” with them.
  • Comparison to neurotypical peers – Seeing others succeed effortlessly in areas where they struggle (such as reading, writing, maths, or social skills) can erode confidence and motivation.
  • Internalised criticism – Over time, negative experiences can cause neurodivergent children to develop self-doubt and a fear of failure, leading to avoidance of challenges or new experiences.

How Low Self-Esteem Affects Behaviour and Learning:

  • Avoiding new challenges for fear of failure.
  • Becoming perfectionistic to compensate for past struggles.
  • Developing a negative inner voice (e.g., “I’m stupid,” “I’ll never get it right”).
  • Losing motivation and disengaging from school or social activities.
  • Becoming overly self-critical and feeling undeserving of success.

Emotional Dysregulation: Intense Reactions to Everyday Situations

Many neurodivergent children struggle with emotional regulation, meaning they experience emotions more intensely and for longer periods than their neurotypical peers. This can result in outbursts, meltdowns, or shutdowns over situations that may seem minor to others.

Causes of Emotional Dysregulation:

  • Difficulty understanding emotions – Some neurodivergent children (particularly those with autism) have trouble identifying, labelling, or processing their emotions.
  • Sensory overload – Overwhelming sensory input can cause stress responses, leading to meltdowns or withdrawal.
  • Challenges with impulse control – Children with ADHD may struggle to regulate impulsive emotional responses, such as frustration, anger, or excitement.
  • Anxiety and frustration – Experiencing frequent stress can lead to strong emotional reactions when a child reaches their limit.
  • Masking emotions – Some neurodivergent children suppress their true emotions in public settings, leading to delayed emotional explosions at home.

Meltdowns vs. Tantrums vs. Shutdowns

  • Meltdowns – Emotional and sensory overload leads to crying, yelling, hitting, or running away. Unlike tantrums, meltdowns are not attention-seeking; they are the result of genuine distress.
  • Tantrums – Typically goal-oriented and occur when a child is denied something they want. These decrease when the child’s need is met.
  • Shutdowns – Instead of an outward reaction, some neurodivergent children become silent, withdraw, or freeze, unable to respond due to overwhelming emotions.

Supporting Emotional and Mental Wellbeing

Addressing emotional and mental health issues in neurodivergent children requires a comprehensive support system that includes mental health professionals, educators, and family members. Parents, teachers, and caregivers can implement practical strategies to help neurodivergent children develop coping mechanisms and resilience.

1. Mental Health Support and Therapy

  • Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) – Helps children identify negative thought patterns and develop coping strategies.
  • Occupational Therapy – Supports sensory regulation and emotional self-management.
  • Speech and Language Therapy – Can aid children struggling to express emotions verbally.
  • Medication (if needed) – In cases of severe anxiety or depression, medication prescribed by a professional may be beneficial.

2. Emotional Regulation Techniques

  • Teaching breathing exercises, such as the “5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique” to reduce anxiety.
  • Using social stories and visual emotion charts to help children understand their emotions.
  • Allowing access to sensory tools (weighted blankets, fidget toys, noise-cancelling headphones).
  • Encouraging physical activities like yoga, swimming, or trampolining to help regulate emotions.

3. Creating a Supportive Environment

  • Positive reinforcement – Focusing on strengths rather than constantly correcting weaknesses.
  • Predictable routines – Providing structure to reduce anxiety.
  • Clear and gentle communication – Using calm, direct language with visual aids when necessary.
  • Safe spaces – Designating quiet areas where a child can decompress.

Neurodivergent youth face emotional and mental health challenges at higher rates than their neurotypical peers. Without appropriate support, they may develop chronic anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, or difficulties managing emotions. However, with understanding, patience, and the right interventions, these children can learn effective coping mechanisms, build resilience, and thrive in both academic and social settings.

By recognising the impact of mental health on neurodivergent youth and providing structured, compassionate support, parents, educators, and professionals can ensure that these children feel valued, understood, and capable of achieving their full potential.

Unique Strengths of Neurodivergent Youth

While neurodivergent children often face challenges in traditional settings, they also possess remarkable strengths that can be nurtured and harnessed to their advantage. These strengths, often overlooked in standard educational and social frameworks, can lead to exceptional creativity, problem-solving abilities, and resilience. Understanding and embracing these abilities allows neurodivergent youth to build confidence, succeed academically and socially, and find fulfilling career paths.

Creativity and Innovation: Thinking Outside the Box

One of the most well-documented strengths of neurodivergent individuals, particularly those with ADHD, autism, or dyslexia, is exceptional creativity and innovation. Because their brains process information differently, they often approach problems and challenges from unconventional angles, leading to original ideas and unique solutions.

Why Are Neurodivergent Individuals So Creative?

  • Divergent thinking – Many neurodivergent individuals excel at generating multiple ideas and exploring unusual solutions, a skill known as divergent thinking. This makes them excellent at brainstorming and problem-solving.
  • Hyperfocus – When engaged in an area of interest, ADHD and autistic individuals can enter a state of intense focus, allowing them to master subjects or creative pursuits at an impressive level.
  • Pattern recognition – Some neurodivergent individuals, especially those on the autism spectrum, have an exceptional ability to spot patterns and relationships that others might miss.
  • Non-linear thinking – While traditional education often rewards structured, step-by-step thinking, neurodivergent minds can make unexpected, innovative connections.

Examples of Creative and Innovative Thinkers

Many famous artists, inventors, and entrepreneurs are now recognised as neurodivergent. Some examples include:

  • Albert Einstein (possible autism/dyslexia) – Developed revolutionary theories in physics.
  • Leonardo da Vinci (suspected ADHD/dyslexia) – Known for his endless curiosity and ability to connect ideas across disciplines.
  • Richard Branson (dyslexia) – Built a global business empire by thinking differently about entrepreneurship.
  • Greta Thunberg (autism) – Used her unique perspective to become a global environmental activist.

By supporting neurodivergent creativity, parents and educators can help children develop their natural talents, whether in writing, music, art, science, technology, or problem-solving.

Attention to Detail: An Eye for Precision

Another powerful strength often seen in autistic individuals, dyslexic thinkers, and those with ADHD is an exceptional attention to detail. While neurotypical people might overlook minor inconsistencies or patterns, neurodivergent youth often spot errors, remember small details, and focus deeply on specific elements.

How Attention to Detail Becomes an Advantage

  • Exceptional memory – Many neurodivergent individuals have a strong long-term memory, particularly for facts, numbers, and specific details.
  • Analytical thinking – The ability to deeply analyse information allows for high levels of accuracy in research, science, and technical fields.
  • Perfectionism – While this can sometimes be a challenge, it also means that work is thorough and precise.
  • Passion for accuracy – Some neurodivergent individuals enjoy fact-checking, organising, and structuring information, making them valuable in professions like journalism, coding, or finance.

Careers That Benefit from Attention to Detail

Many industries value precision and analytical skills, making neurodivergent individuals ideal candidates for careers in:

  • Science and engineering – Their ability to detect patterns, test hypotheses, and focus on precise details helps in STEM careers.
  • Data analysis – Their strong memory and pattern recognition help them excel in data science, statistics, and cybersecurity.
  • Art and design – The ability to focus on intricate details allows for mastery in visual arts, animation, and architecture.
  • Editing and proofreading – Many autistic individuals excel at noticing small errors in writing, making them excellent editors.

Encouraging precision-based work can help neurodivergent children find careers where their skills are valued and celebrated.

Growing up neurodivergent often comes with daily challenges, from navigating a neurotypical world to overcoming academic and social hurdles.

Resilience: Overcoming Challenges Builds Strength

Growing up neurodivergent often comes with daily challenges, from navigating a neurotypical world to overcoming academic and social hurdles. However, these experiences help build resilience, allowing neurodivergent youth to adapt, persevere, and develop problem-solving skills that benefit them in adulthood.

How Neurodivergent Youth Develop Resilience

  1. Facing adversity early – Many neurodivergent children experience setbacks and learn to problem-solve from a young age.
  2. Developing coping strategies – They become skilled at adapting to challenging environments and finding solutions to work around difficulties.
  3. Building self-advocacy skills – Many neurodivergent individuals learn to speak up for their needs in education, work, and social settings.
  4. Embracing failure as learning – Through persistence, they gain the ability to handle criticism and setbacks without giving up.

Real-Life Examples of Resilience

  • People with dyslexia often struggle with traditional reading and writing but develop strong auditory learning and creative problem-solving.
  • Autistic individuals may struggle with social communication but often develop deep self-awareness and unique perspectives that make them excellent thinkers and researchers.
  • ADHD individuals frequently experience difficulties with focus and organisation but develop high-energy work ethics, adaptability, and strong interpersonal skills.

Resilience not only helps neurodivergent youth thrive in school and work but also builds strong emotional intelligence, allowing them to handle life’s challenges with determination and creativity.

Harnessing Neurodivergent Strengths for a Fulfilling Future

Neurodivergent children and young people possess extraordinary abilities that, when recognised and nurtured, can lead to fulfilling personal and professional lives. By focusing on their strengths rather than their struggles, we can create an inclusive, supportive world that enables them to flourish.

How to Support Neurodivergent Strengths

  • Encourage their passions – Allow them to explore interests in depth, whether it’s art, music, coding, history, or science.
  • Provide tailored education – Advocate for teaching styles that suit their unique ways of learning.
  • Use strengths-based praise – Celebrate their talents, creativity, and resilience rather than focusing on difficulties.
  • Help them find mentors and role models – Introduce them to successful neurodivergent individuals in their fields of interest.
  • Support career paths that align with their abilities – Guide them towards work that embraces creativity, precision, and problem-solving.

By shifting the focus from limitations to strengths, we help neurodivergent youth develop confidence, independence, and a sense of purpose—proving that thinking differently isn’t a weakness but a powerful gift.

Parenting a neurodivergent child comes with unique challenges, but with the right strategies, parents can provide a supportive, structured, and empowering environment.

10 Powerful Parenting Strategies for Neurodivergent Youth

Parenting a neurodivergent child comes with unique challenges, but with the right strategies, parents can provide a supportive, structured, and empowering environment. Neurodivergent children thrive when their needs are understood, their strengths are nurtured, and their differences are embraced rather than seen as obstacles.

Here are 10 powerful parenting strategies to help neurodivergent youth navigate life with confidence and resilience.

1. Create an Inclusive and Predictable Home Environment

A structured, predictable home environment helps neurodivergent children feel secure and in control. Many neurodivergent children struggle with uncertainty, sudden changes, and disorganisation, so creating a calm, sensory-friendly space at home can reduce anxiety and meltdowns.

How to Make Your Home Neurodivergent-Friendly:

  • Establish daily routines with clear expectations for meals, schoolwork, and bedtime.
  • Use visual schedules (charts, pictures, calendars) to help children anticipate changes.
  • Create sensory-friendly spaces with dim lighting, noise-cancelling headphones, soft textures, and fidget tools.
  • Allow breaks between activities to prevent overwhelm.

A well-structured home environment allows neurodivergent children to feel safe and in control, reducing anxiety and increasing focus.

2. Open Communication and Emotional Validation

Many neurodivergent children struggle with expressing emotions or understanding their feelings. Creating a safe space for open communication helps children build self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

Tips for Encouraging Open Communication:

  • Validate emotions—Instead of saying “Stop overreacting,” try “I can see that you’re feeling frustrated. Let’s talk about it.”
  • Use emotion charts or colour-coded emotion wheels to help children identify and describe feelings.
  • Encourage non-verbal communication (drawing, writing, or using assistive communication tools) if speaking is difficult.
  • Be patient—Give your child time to process and express their thoughts without rushing them.

By making emotional expression a normal and accepted part of home life, parents can help their child feel heard and understood.

3. Advocate for Their Educational Needs

Neurodivergent children often require educational adjustments to thrive. Schools may not always provide the necessary support unless parents actively advocate for their child’s needs.

Steps to Advocate Effectively:

  • Meet with teachers and SEN coordinators to discuss accommodations like extra time on tests, assistive technology, and modified assignments.
  • Request an Individual Education Plan (IEP) or Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) if your child needs formal support.
  • Communicate regularly with educators to track progress and adjust support when needed.
  • Teach your child self-advocacy skills, so they learn how to ask for help in class.

Ensuring a supportive school environment allows neurodivergent children to reach their full academic potential without unnecessary struggles.

4. Encourage Strengths and Special Interests

Neurodivergent children often develop deep passions for specific subjects, hobbies, or activities. Encouraging these special interests can be a powerful way to boost self-confidence, motivation, and learning.

Ways to Support Your Child’s Interests:

  • Allow time for deep focus on their passion, whether it’s space, dinosaurs, coding, or drawing.
  • Incorporate their interests into learning—For example, if they love trains, use them to teach maths, reading, or geography.
  • Enrol them in extracurricular activities where they can excel and connect with like-minded peers.
  • Celebrate their unique talents rather than trying to fit them into traditional expectations.

By embracing their strengths, parents help neurodivergent children build confidence and a sense of identity.

5. Teach Self-Regulation and Coping Strategies

Neurodivergent children may experience emotional dysregulation, leading to meltdowns, anxiety, or frustration. Teaching self-regulation techniques helps them manage emotions and cope with stress more effectively.

Helpful Self-Regulation Techniques:

  • Breathing exercises (e.g., “box breathing” – inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4).
  • Movement breaks (jumping, stretching, or fidgeting) to release built-up energy.
  • Calm-down corners—A designated quiet space with sensory items to help them self-soothe.
  • Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques to challenge negative thoughts and develop positive coping mechanisms.

When children learn to manage their emotions, they develop resilience and independence.

6. Set Clear, Consistent Boundaries with Flexibility

Neurodivergent children often thrive on clear rules and expectations, but they also need flexibility to accommodate their unique challenges.

How to Set Supportive Boundaries:

  • Be clear and specific with rules (e.g., “Homework starts at 4:00 PM after snack time.”).
  • Use positive reinforcement rather than punishment—Praise desired behaviours instead of focusing on mistakes.
  • Provide structured choices (e.g., “Do you want to do maths first or reading?”).
  • Be flexible—Allow adjustments when needed, such as taking a break if they’re overwhelmed.

By balancing structure with understanding, parents create an environment where neurodivergent children feel safe yet empowered.

7. Develop Social Skills in a Safe Environment

Many neurodivergent children struggle with social communication, reading social cues, or forming friendships. Parents can help by practising social interactions in a low-pressure setting.

Ways to Support Social Development:

  • Use role-playing to practise conversations, greetings, and turn-taking.
  • Teach social scripts (e.g., how to join a group activity or ask for help).
  • Arrange playdates with understanding peers or small-group social activities.
  • Explain social rules explicitly rather than expecting them to “pick up on them naturally”.

By gradually exposing neurodivergent children to social situations, they gain confidence and social competence over time.

8. Promote Positive Mental Health and Wellbeing

Neurodivergent children are at a higher risk for anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Proactively supporting their mental health is essential for their overall wellbeing.

Ways to Support Mental Health:

  • Encourage self-expression through art, journaling, or music.
  • Foster positive self-talk—Help them reframe negative thoughts.
  • Limit overwhelming situations and allow quiet time when needed.
  • Seek professional help (therapists, counsellors, or support groups) if signs of anxiety or depression arise.

A strong emotional support system helps neurodivergent children develop resilience and a positive self-image.

9. Foster Independence and Life Skills

While neurodivergent children may require additional support, fostering independence helps them prepare for adulthood and develop confidence.

Steps to Build Independence:

  • Teach executive functioning skills (organisation, time management, planning).
  • Break tasks into small, manageable steps.
  • Encourage problem-solving rather than doing everything for them.
  • Use visual schedules, reminders, and checklists to help with routines.

Promoting self-sufficiency ensures neurodivergent children grow into capable and confident adults.

10. Build a Support Network for Yourself and Your Child

Parenting a neurodivergent child can feel isolating at times, but you are not alone. Building a strong support network benefits both the child and their caregivers.

Ways to Build a Support System:

  • Join parent support groups (local or online) for advice and community.
  • Connect with therapists, educators, and specialists for professional guidance.
  • Encourage relationships with extended family and close friends who understand your child’s needs.
  • Seek respite care or self-care opportunities to avoid parental burnout.

When parents feel supported and well-informed, they are better able to provide the care their child needs.

Final Thoughts: Embracing Neurodiversity with Confidence

By implementing these 10 strategies, parents can help their neurodivergent children thrive, build confidence, and embrace their unique abilities. Every child deserves a supportive environment where their strengths are nurtured, and their challenges are met with understanding and encouragement. With patience, advocacy, and love, neurodivergent children can grow into happy, successful, and resilient individuals.

References

  1. National Autistic Society (NAS)
    https://www.autism.org.uk

  2. ADHD Foundation (UK)
    https://www.adhdfoundation.org.uk

  3. British Dyslexia Association (BDA)
    https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk

  4. Dyspraxia Foundation
    https://dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk

  5. Tourette’s Action
    https://www.tourettes-action.org.uk

  6. Special Needs Jungle (UK Advocacy Group)
    https://specialneedsjungle.com

  7. Independent Provider of Special Education Advice (IPSEA)
    https://www.ipsea.org.uk

  8. Council for Disabled Children
    https://councilfordisabledchildren.org.uk

  9. Contact (For families with disabled children)
    https://contact.org.uk

  10. Young Minds (Youth Mental Health Charity)
    https://youngminds.org.uk

  11. Cognassist (UK Neurodiversity Statistics and Research)
    https://cognassist.com/neurodiversity-statistics-and-research

  12. Autism Education Trust (AET)
    https://www.autismeducationtrust.org.uk

  13. Mind (Mental Health Charity, UK)
    https://www.mind.org.uk

  14. Anna Kennedy Online (Autism Charity)
    https://annakennedyonline.com

  15. Understood (Resources for Learning and Thinking Differences)
    https://www.understood.org

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How to make mom friends
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How to make mom friends

by Antonella Dési, Lifestyle Expert and Writer June 28, 2024
written by Antonella Dési, Lifestyle Expert and Writer
https://babyyumyum.com/wp-content/uploads/How-to-make-mom-friends.mp3

Embarking on the journey of motherhood is a profound experience, but it can also be daunting to make mom friends. Antonella Dési explores the challenges new mothers face, the importance of building a support network, and practical tips for connecting with other moms.

Becoming a new mother is a beautiful and life-changing experience. However, it can also be a time filled with challenges and adjustments. One of the most significant difficulties for new moms is the feeling of isolation. The demands of caring for a newborn, coupled with the physical and emotional changes that come with motherhood, can leave many new mothers feeling overwhelmed and alone. This is where forming friendships with other new moms can be incredibly beneficial.

Alexandra Wallis from Mums Support Network, a community organisation run by mothers that offer support and encouragement to other moms in need, says, “Every mother undergoes a profound physical and emotional change in her life as she makes the transition from woman to mother, known as matrescence.  This change can be challenging at times, and it is immensely helpful for mothers to find support with other mothers going through the same thing.”

The challenges of being a new mom

The overwhelming nature of being a mother can be a really demanding role. Caring for a newborn is a full-time job, and it can be difficult to find time for yourself, let alone finding time to exercise, socialise, and work. Additionally, the physical and emotional changes that come with childbirth and postpartum recovery can leave many new mothers feeling vulnerable and unsure of themselves. Having friends who are going through the same thing can provide much-needed reassurance and validation.

Kelly Kent from Baby Bright Stars, a company who organises workshops for babies and mothers, elaborates: “Being a mother, especially a first-time mom, can be extremely challenging, exhausting and overwhelming. As mothers are traditionally the nurturers, they find they have little time for themselves. Many experience postpartum depression, loneliness, and feelings of isolation. Feelings of ‘mom-guilt’ – when mums must return to work after their maternity leave – can also be traumatising.

“Mothers have so many balls to juggle and pressures from society to look, feel and act a certain way. One of the main reasons I started Baby Bright Stars nearly 12 years ago, was to provide a safe and happy space, not only where babies can thrive, but also for their moms – a place where they can socialise and meet other moms with infants similar ages as their own. A place where they can be themselves and realise they are not alone in this motherhood journey.”

Also read: maintaining your mental health 

The importance of making mom friends

Having friends who are also new mothers can provide you with a sense of camaraderie and support that is unlike any other. These friends understand the challenges you are facing because they are going through them too. They can offer advice, share their experiences, and provide a listening ear when you need it most. Having a support network of other moms can help combat feelings of isolation and loneliness, which are common among new mothers. Here are some tips on making mom friends:

Join mom groups: Look for local mom groups in your area. These groups often host events and meetups where you can connect with other moms in a similar stage of life. Says Alexandra, “By recognising and normalising the matrescence journey, we can create a supportive environment where mothers can embrace their evolving identities and find strength in solidarity. One of the key ways we facilitate connections among mothers is through our carefully curated online and in-person support groups. These groups serve as safe havens where mothers can share their experiences, joys, and struggles, without judgement or fear.”

She says that in the Mums Support Network online support groups, mothers have the opportunity to connect with each other from the comfort of their own homes: “Through virtual meetings and chat platforms, we foster a sense of community and belonging regardless of geographical location. Whether it’s discussing late-night feedings, sleep regressions, or more personal issues, our online support groups offer a lifeline to mothers in need.

However, she notes that the importance of face-to-face interaction in nurturing genuine connections cannot be underestimated: “We also host regular in-person support group meetings. These gatherings provide mothers with the chance to meet one another in a warm and inviting atmosphere. Whilst chatting over a cup of tea, our in-person support groups offer a space for mothers to forge lasting friendships and lean on one another for support.”

Visit: Brave women share how they overcame trauma

forming friendships with other new moms can be incredibly beneficial

Attend mom and baby classes: Sign up for classes like Mommy and Me yoga or baby music classes. Google to find the many group class options (eg Moms and Miracles, Clamber Club, Kindermusik etc) in your area. These classes not only provide enrichment for your baby, but also offer an opportunity to meet other moms.

Kelly notes that it can be quite daunting for a new mother to attend a baby class or a mom’s support group: “For this reason, all our facilitators at Baby Bright Stars, are trained to be as welcoming as possible and introduce new moms to other members in the class and to make them feel welcome, included and as comfortable as possible. In our classes, there is always support, encouragement, advice, fun, and tons of laughter. For many moms, coming to their Baby Bright Stars class is the highlight of their week.”

In our classes we form WhatsApp groups, so the class members have access to each other outside the weekly sessions that they attend. In these groups, they can ask for advice, breastfeeding/teething tips, arrange play dates, share recipes, and so on. Over the years, we have groups that have become great friends and meet regularly for playdates at coffee shops, exercise together, have ‘dinner dates’ and they share their photographs on social media. This is so special and heartwarming for me to see. However, it must be said, that mothers too, must put in the effort to make new friends and in that way, you eventually find your mom crew.”

Utilise social media: Join parenting forums or Facebook groups for new moms. Social media has revolutionised how moms can connect with each other. Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and parenting forums provide a virtual space where moms can share experiences, seek advice, and build friendships. These platforms allow moms to join groups specifically tailored to their interests or circumstances, such as new mother groups or parenting communities. Some popular ones include Mamahood Gauteng, South African Moms, and Boss Moms South Africa.

You might be interested in: Post Natal Depression- signs and symptoms

Attend community events: Local community events are a great place to meet other new moms. Go to your local library’s Storytime for babies and toddlers. Community centres sometimes host workshops for new parents, or you can go there to get your baby vaccinated, which is another great way of meeting new moms. Visiting parks and playgrounds in your neighbourhood allows you to socialise with other moms while your children are playing. And of course, church, community and other religious or likeminded groups can be an awesome place to meet other parents who share your values and interests.

Reach out to other moms: Don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation with other moms you meet at the park or the grocery store. You never know where or when you might find a new friend. By reaching out to other new mothers and forming meaningful connections, you can create a network of friends who will not only celebrate your triumphs but also provide a shoulder to lean on during the challenging times. So, go on and put yourself out there and make the effort to cultivate these friendships—you and your baby will both benefit from the connections you make.

Check out: 2024 top parenting styles

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Keeping your marriage alive amidst life’s demands
Sex & Relationships

Keeping your marriage alive amidst life’s demands

by Tamlyn Anderson February 11, 2024
written by Tamlyn Anderson
The number one issue that arises in clinical practice with couples is how the marital relationship is no longer a priority. Maintaining a passionate and fulfilling relationship while juggling parenting and life’s demands is possible with conscious effort and effective strategies, says BYY’s expert, clinical psychologist and sexologist, Tamlyn Anderson. Discover tips on keeping your marriage alive amidst life’s demands. 

Enmeshment is the death of desire and connection in a relationship. When we expect our partner to see how tired and burdened, we feel, and to understand what we need and when we need it, this inevitably leads to frustration and disconnection. Especially when our partner is also struggling with life demands such as parenting, work and other of life’s responsibilities. This then usually leads to resentment, disconnection and feelings of loneliness.

Top tips for a successful relationship:

It is important to remember that our partner is separate from us, with their own mind and experiences and cannot read our mind. They will very likely think differently and act differently from how we do. Open and honest communication is the foundation of any successful relationship:

  • Make time to engage in meaningful conversations with your partner where both of you can express your thoughts, feelings, and desires. Active listening and empathy play a crucial role in understanding each other’s perspectives. Regularly check in with each other, discussing not only daily logistics but also emotional needs. This practice fosters a deep connection and promotes a sense of togetherness amidst the chaos of daily life.
  • It’s important to encourage and support each other’s personal interests and goals. Allow space for personal growth and self-discovery. Pursuing individual passions not only brings fulfilment but also adds vibrancy to the relationship. By celebrating each other’s achievements and providing emotional support, you foster a deep sense of appreciation and respect, contributing to the overall happiness and well-being of the partnership. Maintaining a healthy balance between togetherness and individuality is crucial.
  • Finding quality time for each other is essential to keep the flame burning. If you have a few hours to sit watching TV then you have time for a date night! Despite busy schedules, allocate dedicated time for shared activities and experiences. Lighting a few candles and giving each other a massage while watching TV can make all the difference. Cook a meal together, go for a walk, take a morning off work occasionally and go out for breakfast without the kids. By intentionally carving out time for your relationship, you demonstrate its importance and strengthen the relationship.

Check out: The trick to peaceful co-parenting after divorce

Intimacy & affection

Physical intimacy and affection are vital components of a thriving relationship. Despite the exhaustion that comes with parental and professional responsibilities, make it a priority to nurture intimacy:

  • Physical touch, hugs, kisses, and cuddling are powerful ways to express love and maintain a strong connection.
  • Explore and communicate your desires to keep the sexual aspect alive.
  • Prioritise intimacy, as it enhances emotional closeness and fosters a sense of security and satisfaction.

Visit: How having kids changes your relationship with your partner

Perils of burnout

Keeping your marriage alive BabyYumYum - BabyYumYumNotice when you or your partner are starting to become burnt out. The symptoms of burnout effect the body, mind and spirit. It is not possible to give energy to your relationship if you’re not giving anything to yourself.

So, when one of you starts feeling like they are losing themselves in the chaos of life’s demands, it is time to consider professional help. Seeing a psychologist, therapist, counsellor or coach can be the first step in prioritising yourself.

It’s essential to carve out time to doing the things you love, or resting when your body tells you to. If you do not, inevitably your relationship with also suffer.

Balancing the demands of parenting, work, and other responsibilities while keeping the fire alive in your relationship is undoubtedly a challenge. However, by prioritising communication, quality time, intimacy, individuality, and collaboration, you can create a strong foundation for a passionate and fulfilling partnership that stands the test of time.

Also read: Happy marriage, happy kids
Visit : The myth of balance

Tell us your tips in keeping your marriage alive in comments. 

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Teen girls are increasingly turning to self-harm. Understand the causes teen girls cutting themselves and find out how to help them through these challenging times.
Tweens & TeensWellness

Teen suicide: is there a mental health crisis?

by Laurel Pretorius, Writer and Journalist August 17, 2023
written by Laurel Pretorius, Writer and Journalist

As a mother of two adolescents who are going through their own mental health ups and downs, I believe it’s appropriate to worry that a mental health crisis in our youth is causing suicidal tendencies like never before. By Laurel Pretorius

In South Africa, at least 1 out of every 5 adolescents (ranging from age 10 to 19) has attempted suicide, according to SASOP (South African Society of Psychiatrists), and 1 in 10 teens have tragically ended their lives. Let that sink in.

The World Health Organisation (WHO) states that depression is globally the third highest disease burden amongst adolescents, and suicide the second leading cause of death in 15- to 29-year-olds.

Our teens are in crisis

As a parent of adolescent daughters, I have become deeply concerned for our youth and even more so since COVID. The very recent headline on a media release, “Globally teen depression reached an all-time high”, prompted me to write this piece because, seriously, what is going on with our teens’ mental health?

Educational Psychologist Jo Hamilton says, “I have seen a rise in child and adolescent depression, with suicidal ideation and intent, over the years, particularly in the young adolescent age group (around ages 10 to 14).” She also says that whilst there are multiple factors that can contribute towards an adolescent feeling suicidal, she has noticed “a frequent report of emotional isolation and loneliness and a lack of interested, meaningful connections with people such as peers and family.”

“What is going on with our teens mental health?”

READ MORE on the Dangers of social media

Parents play a part

I believe that  we, as parents have played an unintentional role in contributing to our teens’ mental health issues. I don’t mean to sound harsh or disparaging and I include myself in this controversial statement, but the sooner we admit that we have played a part, the quicker we can begin to do something about it.

Why do I say this? Well, we have allowed the contagion of social media seep in. We have given our teens permission to “connect socially” online since the beginning of their adolescent years and this has created a generation of extremely disconnected teens. We haven’t put proper boundaries in place. Or perhaps we did but when it was too late. Our kids spend excessive amounts of time on their devices “connecting” with “friends” on social media and they have completely bought into the idea that this virtual world is the be all and end all of everything. To our teens, it’s the promise of connectivity and a better life, but what it ultimately ends up doing is leaving them feeling lonelier and more disconnected than ever. Suicide in Children and Teens

The constant scrolling and seeking validation through likes and comments has only exacerbated existing mental health conditions, like anxiety and depression. As parents we need to teach our kids to find a healthy balance between online and offline activities. We need to help them foster a sense of belonging in the physical world.

Mental Health Counsellor, Shalom Grays, from Back2Life Counselling says, “The impression of influencers and celebrities on social media and the absolute impossible need to be as attractive, popular, fashionable, wealthy or perfect as their idols creates impossible expectations.”

He also adds that “the culture of “everything now”, has created a demand for instant gratification, which as adults and therapists we understand is near impossible. However, when you’re younger, that’s not the rationale. The pressure from many aspects in a teen’s lifestyle is non-compromising, and so the desire to meet these expectations, when seeking to morph into a visually perfect person, creates adolescents striving towards the near impossible, and the outcome is an immediate set back, that has been subconsciously built from frustration and anxiety.”

“As parents we need to teach our kids to find a healthy balance between online and offline activities.”

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Our youth are caught in a mental health pandemic

According to the Global Burden of Disease (GBD) report, which the South African Federation for Mental Health (SAFMH) recommends as the most recent and comprehensive data available, around 14% of youth aged 10 to 19 live with mental illness. This is around one in seven youth, globally. Do other parents find these stats as devastating and shocking as I do?

“For many years, the rise in depression has been an issue amongst teens, many therapists deal now daily with adults under 21 years of age, who suffer from depression and other psychological and physiological mental health disorders,” says Grays.

READ THIS for another perspective

3 important ways we can help our teens

So, as extremely concerned parents, what are we going to do about lowering the stats around teen suicide?

  1. Take talk of suicide very seriously

Hamilton suggests that “Parents should take their child’s comments of suicidal ideation or intent seriously and promptly seek professional consultation. Only then can the appropriate need and intervention be assessed.”

  1. Listen without prejudice

Now more than ever we need to put our own devices (phones, tablets, laptops) down and take the time to listen to our teens. Grays says, “The need for teens and parents to understand each other is never more important. Separating the need to be right or installing one’s own opinion as a parent must take second place. A parent is not a friend but a guide, a caregiver, and as such needs to learn to listen and really hear what their teens are saying.”

  1. Have a little patience

Grays suggests that “above all, patience is key because teens are not always willing to be vulnerable. But, if a parent can show vulnerability, expose themselves, perhaps by talking about their own stories of imperfection from their past, their teen will begin to relate and see that their parents or caregivers are not so dissimilar.”

“Parents should create their own support groups that come together regularly, giving them a safe space for themselves and their teens to speak freely without judgement.”

There is help and hope out there

Yes, of course the ideal scenario would be to put your medical aid card to good use and seek out a psychologist immediately but not all South African families have this luxury. What then is the solution?

“To assist families there are many helplines, free counselling services and therapists attached to religious organisations, community centres, and welfare clinics,” Grays says. He also emphasises that a lot of these organisations are overwhelmed and suggests something that I think makes a lot of sense. “Parents should create their own support groups that come together regularly, giving them a safe space for themselves and their teens to speak freely without judgement.”

I’m not going to lie; my husband and I have been dealing with one mental health crisis after another as our girls entered their teens – some issues more serious than others. We regret not having put much stricter boundaries in place with regards to their access to the social media platforms. What I have discovered since is that most of the parents in my circle have also been dealing with much of the same. We need to become more open about our teens in crisis. I do believe this will help. Let’s start talking to each other. Let’s listen more to our teens and let’s finally build those circles of safe support. Because where there is help there is always hope.

READ 7 steps to mental health for moms

If your teen is showing signs of depression or having suicidal thoughts, you can seek help from the following organisations:

SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline

0800 567 567 (available 24/7)

SADAG Support Groups 
0800 21 22 23  (8am to 8pm)
0800 12 13 14  (8pm to 8am)
Or SMS 31393
LifeLine National Counselling Line
0861 322 322 (available 24/7)

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Being a parent often comes with multiple challenges, but when you are a single parent everything comes twice as hard.
Parenting

4 Truths About Solo Parenting You Should Know

by Tshepy Matloga-Malope, seasoned media and communications specialist July 24, 2023
written by Tshepy Matloga-Malope, seasoned media and communications specialist

Solo parenting: navigating the challenges can feel like an uphill climb, especially when the emotional, financial, and practical load is all on you. But being a solo parent also builds grit, patience, and resilience in ways you never imagined. It’s not easy—but it’s not impossible either. If you’re in this season of life, know this: you’re not alone, and you’re doing better than you think. By Tshepy Matloga-Malope

Being a parent often comes with multiple challenges, but when you are a solo parent everything comes twice as hard. Single mothers often face financial strain, emotional distress, and physical exhaustion while raising children. We hear from single mothers who successfully confronted and overcame these obstacles

Emotional challenges

The emotional toll of single parenting can be immense. Single moms often face feelings of loneliness, stress, and guilt as they’re solely responsible for providing emotional support to their children. Balancing work, household responsibilities, and parenting can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed.

Beulah, a single mother of two, says self-care is a vital part of parenting although it is quite overlooked. It took her some time to realise that she needed to prioritise her wellbeing and is fortunate enough to work at a company that provides employee wellness services like therapy, which she uses to manage her emotions. She explains, “The biggest self-care effort, though, was finding a helper, as this allows me to take time off from my kids, and I rarely have to worry about cooking and cleaning. Also, just utilising help from family and friends. I also do things that make me happy, like reading books, going hiking, and attending events.”

READ ABOUT The importance of looking after your mental health

Financial challenges

Financial problems are common for single mothers, as they are solely responsible for taking care of their family’s financial needs. Without extra income, it can be difficult to take care of children and maintain a stable household. Budgeting, finding affordable childcare, and securing proper employment are key.

Bella, a single mother of two, says that apart from her full-time job, she has resorted to side hustles to supplement her income. “I’ve had to make some adjustments, learn to budget, and cut on things I feel are unnecessary while doing double duty–my everyday job and side hustles.”

Morongoe, a single mother of 1, also stressed the importance of preparing for rainy days, stating that as a single mother, you must financially prepare for the present and the future. “I have life insurance; my workplace also provides for life benefits, so if I die, I know that his school will be taken care of until university. Over and above the fact that his schooling will be taken care of, I have general insurance but also have things like income protection, dread disease coverage, etc. So whether I’m here or not, I’m making means to make sure that his future is taken care of,” she says.

Take the BabyYumYum 1-Minute Parenting Quiz. Single parenting baby yum yum - BabyYumYum

Physical challenges

Single mothers often find themselves overwhelmed with demanding physical responsibilities. The need to juggle household chores and children’s needs can lead to exhaustion and burnout.

Mokgadi, a single mother of three, highlighted the importance of setting realistic expectations and admitting that she can’t be everywhere at all times. With one child in high school and two in primary school, she’s found it daunting to be there for everyone, especially during school meetings and extracurricular activities.

“Sometimes I feel like if their fathers were around, I wouldn’t be going through half the things I’m going through, especially with chores, homework, and dropping and picking them up from school on weekends when they have extracurricular activities. To keep my body fit, I go to the gym and eat a balanced diet. I also take my time at the gym as a me time,” she says.

READ ABOUT The shocking impact of SA’s absent fathers

Overcoming obstacles

While the challenges of single parenting can be tough, many single mothers find ways to overcome them and provide their children with nurturing environments.

Rose, a single mom of one, emphasised the importance of a strong support system both within and outside the family: “This journey has taught me that it is okay to ask for help; you cannot always be a superhuman who gets everything done. I have also forged friendships with other single moms, and we offer each other support.”

Single parenting presents so many challenges encompassing financial, emotional, and physical aspects. However, by creating a solid financial plan, seeking emotional support, and ensuring self-care, the load can lessen.

Some of the single moms have also found solace in leveraging technology and online communities for advice and resources. Online platforms and social media groups have become valuable sources of information and emotional support. Through support networks, community resources, and personal development, single mothers can navigate the ups and downs providing a nurturing environment for their children.

READ The single parent’s survival guide AND The Ultimate 7-Day Parenting Plan Journal (Free Download)

Are you a single parent? Share your story with us in comments. 

FAQs: Solo/Single Parenting

What is solo parenting?

Solo parenting refers to raising a child or children without the consistent involvement or support of a co-parent, whether due to choice, separation, death, or absence.

Is it normal to feel overwhelmed as a solo parent?

Yes, it’s completely normal. Managing everything alone—emotions, finances, routines—can be exhausting. It’s important to recognise your limits and seek support where you can.

How can I manage the pressure of doing everything on my own?

Prioritise tasks, ask for help, and build a support system of friends, family, or community groups. Remember that good enough is often more than enough.

What can I do when I feel emotionally drained?

Take short breaks when possible, practise self-care (even in small ways), and talk to someone you trust. Joining a solo parenting support group can also help ease emotional stress.

How do I handle feelings of guilt or self-doubt?

These feelings are common but not a reflection of your worth. Acknowledge them without judgement and remind yourself that you’re doing your best with what you have.

Can solo parents still raise well-rounded children?

Absolutely. Children thrive in environments where they feel loved, safe, and supported. Your presence, stability, and attention matter more than a traditional family setup.

How do I balance work, childcare, and household responsibilities?

Planning and routine can help. Don’t be afraid to simplify your schedule or let go of non-essential tasks. Where possible, explore flexible work arrangements or childcare assistance.

What should I do if I have no family nearby?

Connect with local parenting groups, school networks, or community centres. Online communities for solo parents can also provide emotional support and practical advice.

How can I create special moments as a solo parent?

Simple things like shared meals, story time, and one-on-one chats can become meaningful traditions. You don’t need grand gestures—connection matters most.

What if I’m worried about money as a solo parent?

Many solo parents face financial stress. Speak to a financial advisor, explore government support options, and look into budgeting tools or community assistance programmes. Take a look at 10 tips for coping with financial stress.

How do I explain solo parenting to my child?

Be honest in an age-appropriate way. Reassure your child that they are deeply loved and that families come in many shapes and sizes—all equally special.

Disclaimer: This content is intended for general support and guidance. For specific concerns relating to parenting, mental health, or financial wellbeing, please consult a qualified professional or support service.

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