Parenting Is Hard – And That’s How You Know You’re Doing It Right

Raising children is one of life’s greatest responsibilities and its greatest emotional rollercoaster. When we strive to raise emotionally intelligent, respectful and resilient young people, we quickly realise that parenting is hard – not because we’re doing it wrong, but precisely because we’re doing it right.

The Myth of Effortless Parenting

There’s a prevailing myth that good parenting should feel natural, intuitive and smooth. Social media often perpetuates the illusion of perfect homes, smiling children and endless patience. But real parenting looks nothing like the highlight reel. It’s early mornings, bedtime battles, messy emotions, self-doubt and constant recalibration.

We challenge this myth by acknowledging that the more we lean into intentional, conscious parenting, the more emotionally demanding the job becomes. It’s not a sign of failure, it’s a reflection of the emotional investment required to raise healthy, secure children.

Discipline That Teaches, Not Punishes

Discipline is one of the most misunderstood areas of parenting. Many of us were raised with punitive methods – timeouts, smacks, threats because they promise immediate compliance. But effective parenting focuses on long-term learning, not short-term obedience.

When we pause to explain why hitting isn’t OK instead of shouting “Stop that!”, or when we stay calm in the face of defiance instead of reacting emotionally, we are teaching. And teaching is tiring. Choosing connection over control often means slower results but deeper impact.

Positive discipline involves:

• Setting consistent boundaries with empathy
• Acknowledging emotions before correcting behaviour
• Allowing children to make age-appropriate decisions and learn from mistakes

This approach is harder in the moment, but it shapes emotionally intelligent, self-regulating individuals.

Holding Space for Big Emotions

Children have big feelings in little bodies. And it’s our job to contain those emotions without suppressing them. Whether it’s a toddler’s meltdown over the wrong coloured spoon or a teenager’s explosive frustration after a difficult day, emotional co-regulation is key.

We don’t dismiss their emotions with “You’re being dramatic” or “It’s not a big deal.” Instead, we validate and support them through the storm. This work is exhausting. It requires self-regulation, presence and deep empathy especially when our own reserves are low.

But in doing this, we’re showing our children that emotions aren’t dangerous. We’re teaching them that it’s safe to feel, express and recover. And that lesson lasts a lifetime.

ALSO READ: 5 Tips for Managing Big Feelings in Young Children

Consistency Over Convenience

It’s tempting to let things slide after a long day – another episode before bed, a sweet snack to avoid a tantrum, skipping the chore chart for peace and quiet. But consistency is what builds trust and security.

Being the “bad guy” in the short term because we stuck to the bedtime routine, or said no to that impulsive buy in the shop feels hard. There are tears. There’s resistance. Sometimes even guilt.

But holding that line communicates reliability and structure. Children feel safe when expectations are predictable. They may not thank us now, but they thrive in the foundation we lay.

The Invisible Labour of Mental Load

Modern parenting isn’t just physical, it’s mental and emotional labour. We’re not only managing snacks and school runs. We’re thinking about:

• Developmental milestones
• Emotional wellbeing
• Screen time limits
• Friendships and social dynamics
• Future goals and daily logistics

This constant cognitive processing, often unseen and unrecognised, contributes to burnout. Especially for mothers, who disproportionately carry this load, the burden can be overwhelming.

Yet, this invisible effort is also where much of the real parenting happens. It’s in thinking ahead, tuning into our child’s emotional state and making small daily decisions that align with our values.

Repairing After Ruptures

There is no such thing as a perfect parent. We lose our patience. We say the wrong thing. We shout. We disconnect. But what separates intentional parenting from reactive parenting is the willingness to repair.

Going back to a child after an argument and saying, “I shouldn’t have yelled. I was feeling frustrated, but that wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry.” – that’s powerful. It models accountability, vulnerability and resilience.

Repair is harder than perfection. But it’s far more human. And it strengthens the parent-child bond in ways that perfection never could.

Balancing Connection and Authority

Modern parenting often swings between authoritarian (“because I said so”) and permissive (“whatever you want”). Walking the middle path, authoritative parenting requires balancing warmth and boundaries.

We listen. We negotiate. We validate. But we also lead. We make decisions based on long-term wellbeing, not short-term approval.

This dynamic is particularly challenging during adolescence, when children test limits and crave autonomy. But remaining firm yet empathetic, present but not controlling, is the hallmark of effective parenting.

MUST READ: Gentle-ish Parenting: Finding Balance

Facing the Mirror: Our Own Triggers and Healing

One of the most confronting aspects of parenting is how it surfaces our own unresolved childhood wounds. When our child refuses to listen, we may hear echoes of our own parents’ anger. When they cry too long, it may activate our inner voice that says “Stop being weak.”

Parenting well often means parenting ourselves first. It means seeking therapy, reading the books, breaking cycles and learning what respectful, emotionally attuned parenting looks like even if we never experienced it ourselves.

This level of self-awareness and growth is heavy work. But it is also transformational.

The Hardest Days Are Often the Most Impactful

There are days when we wonder if anything we’re doing is working. When the toddler screams for hours. When the teen slams the door. When dinner is cold and bedtime takes three hours.

But it’s on those days when we stay calm through the chaos, when we offer a hug instead of a punishment, when we reflect instead of react that we are building something extraordinary. We are creating a secure, respectful, emotionally intelligent adult.

And that, by nature, is hard. But it is also the most meaningful work we will ever do.

CHECK OUT: Top parenting styles

Final Thought

Parenting that prioritises connection, respect, emotional regulation and long-term development is not easy. It demands more energy, more reflection and more emotional bandwidth than we ever imagined. But it’s in this struggle that the magic happens.

If parenting feels hard, you’re likely doing more than just surviving. You’re actively breaking cycles, raising resilient humans and shaping the next generation with intention. And that matters more than anything.