Breastfeeding is often seen as a beautiful and natural part of parenting, but what happens when it creates tension in a relationship? In a deeply personal story, one husband shares why he begged his wife to stop breastfeeding.
My wife Louise had a very healthy first pregnancy. Aside from the expected nausea and morning sickness (which was more like morning, noon and night sickness) in her first trimester, and some heartburn towards her due date, it was a glowing and happy pregnancy. She had been trying to fall pregnant for around six months, so we were thrilled that the wait wasn’t too long, and that we didn’t need any interventions.
She went into labour just two days before her due date, and had a five-hour labour with an epidural. There were no complications, and we were over the moon with our son Liam, a healthy 3.2kg and 50cm boy (and future rugby player just like his dad!)
With some guidance from a midwife, Louise managed to kick off her breastfeeding journey. It appeared that Liam was latching fine and that mother and baby were on the road to an envisaged happy feeding experience.
However, Liam was agitated after feeds and after our paed ruled out wind or reflux, or anything else, she suggested we top up with some formula to see if it was a supply issue. We did our due diligence when it came to researching the different formulas available and while there are some really great ones out there, we decided on Novalac as it doesn’t contain sugar. Our little dude lapped up his Novalac formula, so it appeared that he wasn’t getting enough milk from Louise, and that he was still hungry after his feeds.
For the next few days, Louise would breastfeed Liam, and then top up with formula to account for what appeared to be a low supply. Louise wanted to increase her supply as much as possible and tried to pump enough to compensate for the formula feeds that our baby was being fed. She pumped three times a day (including in the middle of the night), drank lots of water, and tried to relax (studies have shown that stress can hamper milk supply).
She also consumed all kinds of galactagogues to increase her supply – from lactation teas and cookies, to flaxseed oil, oats and brewer’s yeast. In fact, if you had told her to eat raw onions sprinkled with salt and cinnamon, she would have done it – she was determined to exclusively breastfeed, and wasn’t so happy with having formula in the mix, literally.
“I explained that her sanity and health were worth more than the breast milk, and that our son was better off with a content mom, rather than one who was unhappy, insecure and exhausted.”
From my point of view, I was just happy to have a healthy and thriving baby, and it was a wonderful bonding experience for me to give formula bottles to Liam.
Despite all her efforts to increase her milk supply, Louise wasn’t winning. It would take her around 50 minutes to get 40ml, not enough to cover the amount of formula Liam was being fed, and certainly not sufficient enough to keep stored. The pumping was taking time and effort, and Louise was defeated each time. She started questioning her ability to produce sufficient milk, and despite seeing two lactation specialists and asking for advice on various social media platforms, she was unable to increase her supply based on the recommendations she got.
The harder she tried and didn’t “succeed”, the more despondent she got, and the more she started questioning herself as a “capable” mom. She was exhausted and frustrated, and while Liam was thriving, Louise wasn’t. It felt like she was slipping into a dark hole, and she mentioned often that she was a “failure” for not being able to do something as natural as breastfeeding. I did my best to encourage her and to make her feel better, and despite all the platitudes and the knowledge that “fed is best”, I couldn’t uplift her in any way.
One evening, I got home from work to find Louise sobbing in our bathroom after another pumping attempt. I tried to comfort her, but she kept on repeating what a terrible mother she was because she couldn’t give our son enough milk. I urged her to try and see this from another angle, and that our boy was healthy and that she was doing a brilliant job. I suspected it was going to take more than just a pep talk from me to not feel like a failure and to get out the slump – I know how real these feelings and perceptions are for new moms.
I begged her to consider stopping breastfeeding as I felt the toll it was taking wasn’t worth it. She was reluctant to even think about it because she felt that breast milk would be best for Liam. I explained that her sanity and health were worth more than the breast milk, and that our son was better off with a content mom, rather than one who was unhappy, insecure and exhausted. I also recommended she see our GP to determine if she had postnatal depression, and if it needed to be treated (she didn’t go in the end – once she quit the breastfeeding struggle, things eventually lifted and she became “herself” again).
She agreed to stop, but I could see how much it broke her to do so. She stopped expressing milk, and cut down the times she was breastfeeding Liam, until she ceased completely. Though she felt guilty at times, she could see how much better things were without the battle, and seeing a growing and content little boy made her realise and come to terms with the concept “fed is best”.
Disclaimer: This is not a sponsored post and is based on personal experience and personal brand preference of the content author. BabyYumYum reserves the right to its opinions and fully supports the notion of promotion that breast is best in line with the World Health Organisation (WHO) infant feeding guidelines. Breast milk is the best food for infants. Good maternal nutrition is essential to prepare and maintain breastfeeding. If breastfeeding is not applied, an infant formula may be used according to the advice of health professionals. Preparation and storage of any infant formula should be performed as directed on the tin in order not to pose any health hazards.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) – Stopping Breastfeeding
When is the right time to stop breastfeeding?
There is no set time to stop breastfeeding—it depends on your child’s needs and your personal circumstances. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends breastfeeding for at least 6 months, but many continue for 1–2 years or longer.
How do I stop breastfeeding gradually?
A gradual approach helps prevent engorgement and reduces emotional distress for both mother and baby. Try:
- Dropping one feed at a time over a few weeks.
- Replacing daytime feeds with solid food, expressed milk, or formula if needed.
- Offering comfort and distraction instead of the breast.
What is the best way to stop breastfeeding suddenly?
Stopping suddenly is not recommended unless necessary, as it can cause engorgement, mastitis, and emotional distress. If urgent, try:
- Expressing small amounts of milk to relieve pressure (but not stimulating full production).
- Using cold compresses and cabbage leaves to ease discomfort.
- Taking pain relief if needed (consult your doctor first).
How long does it take for breast milk to dry up?
It varies, but most women experience a significant decrease in milk supply within 7–10 days. However, some may leak small amounts for weeks or months.
Will stopping breastfeeding affect my child emotionally?
Some babies adjust quickly, while others may need more comfort and reassurance. Gradual weaning can help reduce distress, especially if breastfeeding is part of their bedtime or comfort routine.
Can I stop breastfeeding if my child refuses?
If your child is reluctant, try:
- Offering cuddles and comfort in other ways.
- Providing a special cup or bottle for milk.
- Changing routines to avoid breastfeeding triggers (e.g., sitting in a different spot).
How can I manage engorged breasts when stopping breastfeeding?
To relieve engorgement:
- Wear a supportive (but not tight) bra.
- Apply cold compresses to reduce swelling.
- Express just enough milk to relieve discomfort, but avoid emptying the breast.
- Consider over-the-counter pain relief if necessary.
Will stopping breastfeeding affect my hormones?
Yes, stopping breastfeeding causes hormonal shifts, which may lead to:
- Mood swings or mild depression
- Fatigue or changes in energy levels
- Changes in menstrual cycle (your period may return if it hasn’t already)
How will stopping breastfeeding affect my body?
- Breast size may change – some women find their breasts return to pre-pregnancy size, while others experience some sagging.
- Your metabolism may adjust, possibly affecting weight changes.
- Menstruation and fertility may return if they were previously suppressed.
Can I restart breastfeeding after stopping?
Yes, relactation is possible, but it requires effort and frequent stimulation. Speak to a lactation consultant for guidance.
Where can I get support for stopping breastfeeding?
- Health professionals, such as GPs, midwives, or lactation consultants.
- Parenting support groups or breastfeeding helplines.
- Online communities for mothers going through the same process.
Disclaimer: This information is for educational purposes only and should not replace medical advice. If you have concerns about stopping breastfeeding, consult a healthcare professional for personalised support.
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