If your child keeps losing and forgetting things, it can feel frustrating for both of you especially when mornings are rushed or school days are busy. But for many children, organisation isn’t a natural skill; it’s something they learn slowly over time. Understanding why your child is losing and forgetting things helps you support them without turning everyday mistakes into shame or conflict. With a few small adjustments, you can build their confidence and set them up for success, writes Celia Harris, Western Sydney University and Penny Van Bergen, Macquarie University.
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As school returns, parents and teachers might each be faced with the familiar chorus of “I can’t find my school jumper” and “I left my hat at home”. For parents of older kids, the stakes may be even higher: lost mobile phones or laptops left on the bus.
As parents, it can be tempting to take charge by packing schoolbags yourself, or texting older children a list of things to remember at the end of each day.
However, doing everything for your child robs them of an opportunity to learn.
What’s happening in their developing brain?
Our kids, in their busy lives, are constantly using and developing their memory skills – remembering where they put things, new conceptual knowledge, and routines required for the day-to-day.
Prospective memory – which involves remembering to do things in the future – is particularly challenging.
It’s prospective memory children draw on when they set a drink bottle down at play time and must remember to pick it up later, or get a note from their teacher and must remember to show their parent after school.
Success in prospective memory involves multiple cognitive processes going right.
Children must pay attention to what is needed in a given situation (“I can’t play outside if I don’t have a hat”), and then form and store a particular intention to act in the future (“I need to take my hat with me to school”).
Then, they must bring the intention back to mind at the crucial moment (taking the hat on the way out the door).
This “remembering to remember” requires memory to spontaneously occur at just the right time, without prompts or reminders.
These processes all require a higher-order cognitive skill known as “executive function”.
This is the ability to consciously control our attention and memory and to engage in challenging thinking tasks.
Processes that rely on executive function are hard, which is why lost drink bottles and forgotten hats are such frustratingly common experiences for parents.
Even for adults, the majority of day-to-day memory errors involve prospective memory.
Executive function develops later in childhood compared with some other skills, such as language and play.
The prefrontal cortex, which underpins executive function tasks, is not mature until early adulthood.
This means forgetfulness among children is common, and a natural part of development. Chances are you were like this too when you were a kid (you just might not remember it).
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Could some kids struggle even more?
Yes.
Children (and adults) vary widely in their executive function skills.
While all children get better at executive function throughout childhood, this happens at different rates; some children may be more forgetful than others their own age.
One condition particularly related to forgetfulness is attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Children with an ADHD-inattentive subtype may be more likely to lose things and be forgetful during everyday activities such as chores or errands.
Children with ADHD will still develop prospective memory skills over time, but may be more forgetful relative to other children their own age.
How can I help my kid?
Do build routines and stick to them. Research shows routines help children develop cognitive skills and self-regulation. Children are best able to remember a routine when it is “automatised” – practised often enough they know it without thinking.
Do promote “metacognition”: an awareness about one’s own cognitive processes. Research suggests children are over-optimistic about their likelihood of remembering successfully. Parents and teachers can help them to notice when remembering is hard and put in strategies that help.
Do model the behaviour you want to see. For example, you might set up your own lists and strategies to help you remember daily tasks. You could also have a family routine of “bags by the door” and checking them the night before. Don’t do it for them, do it together.
Do seek professional support if you’re worried. All children will forget sometimes, and some more than others. If your child is particularly absentminded or forgetful, it could be worth consulting a GP or school psychologist. Conditions such as ADHD must be observed in more than one setting (for example, home and school, or home and sport), and specific diagnostic criteria must be met. Diagnosis can be helpful in accessing supports.
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What should I not do – and why?
Don’t rely on kids being able to spontaneously self-initiate memory – that’s the hardest part of prospective memory! Instead, use checklists and memory aids. For instance, if they are consistently leaving their drink bottle at school, you could put a tag on their bag that says “where is your drink bottle?” Using prompts isn’t cheating – it’s supporting success.
Don’t sweat the slip-ups – these are normal. One study with 3–5-year-old children found incentives in the form of food treats weren’t enough to improve performance. Punishing is also unlikely to help. Instead, use instances of forgetting as teachable moments – strategise about how to adjust next time.
Don’t leave things too late. Anxiety and stress can make forgetting more likely, because children can easily become overwhelmed. Pack bags the night before, practise new routines, and avoid rushing where possible.
Don’t judge. Prospective memory failures are sometimes perceived as character flaws, particularly when they affect other people (such as when forgetting to return a borrowed item).
Understanding how memory works, however, helps reveal that forgetfulness is an everyday part of development.
Celia Harris, Associate Professor in Cognitive Science, Western Sydney University and Penny Van Bergen, Associate Professor in the Psychology of Education, Macquarie University
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
BabyYumYum FAQ’s: Why Kids Keep Losing and Forgetting Things And How to Help
Is forgetfulness a normal part of childhood?
Yes. Forgetting lunchboxes, jerseys or homework is common, especially in primary school. As children grow, these skills improve with practice and gentle guidance.
Why does my child remember fun things but forget school items?
Kids remember what is emotionally exciting or rewarding. Tasks that feel routine or boring, like packing a bag, don’t grab the brain’s attention in the same way.
Could losing things be a sign of ADHD?
Possibly, but not always. Children with ADHD often struggle with organisation and memory. If forgetfulness is extreme, persistent and affects daily functioning, speak to a professional for assessment.
How can I teach my child to be more organised?
Start with simple habits: using a designated spot for school items, packing bags the night before, and checking a visual list before leaving home. Consistency builds independence.
Do routines really help with forgetfulness?
Yes. Predictable routines reduce the mental load. When children do the same steps each morning or evening, they naturally begin to remember what comes next.
How can I help my child stop losing school items?
Label everything, create a “launch zone” at home, and practise quick check-ins like “Water bottle? Lunch? Hat?” before leaving. Over time, these prompts become automatic.
Should I punish my child for forgetting things?
Punishment rarely helps. Forgetfulness is usually developmental, not deliberate. Supportive strategies, patience, and repetition work far better than consequences.
How can teachers and parents work together?
Share information about what your child struggles with, agree on simple reminders and use tools like communication books or digital notes to keep everyone aligned.
How do I encourage responsibility without nagging?
Use visual reminders, set up reward charts for consistent remembering, or invite your child to help create a checklist. Being involved makes them more motivated.
What about teens – shouldn’t they know better by now?
Even teenagers can be forgetful because their brains are still developing. Stress, school pressure, and social distractions can make memory worse. Support and tools like planners or phone reminders help.
When should I worry about forgetfulness?
Speak to a professional if your child’s memory issues are severe, affect school or home life, or come with emotional or behavioural challenges. Early intervention can make a big difference.
Disclaimer: This information offers general guidance and does not replace professional medical or educational advice. If you’re concerned about your child’s memory, behaviour, or learning, please consult a paediatrician, psychologist or teacher for personalised support.
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