Thuthu Mokoka’s journey to parenthood: Navigating loss and embracing parenthood with support from her husband

Tragically, she lost one of the twins she was carrying while the other survived. Mokoka shared that she only discovered she was expecting twins after experiencing complications and seeking medical attention due to bleeding.

Now a mother of one and married to talented actor Jesse Suntele, Mokoka expresses gratitude for the support her husband has provided as they navigate parenthood together. The 34-year-old is embracing motherhood with resilience and determination.

In this interview, she opens up about her losses, the balance between her demanding career as an artist manager and business owner, and the joys and challenges of raising a child.

Congratulations on becoming a mother! Your son recently turned 1 year old; what does motherhood mean to you?

It means the world to me. Those who know me understand how much I love children, so being blessed with my own is truly one of the greatest blessings. I feel incredibly fortunate.

How would you describe motherhood in just three words?

Beautiful, challenging and exciting.

As a new mother, how has your journey into motherhood been so far?

My pregnancy was incredibly challenging and emotional, but postpartum hasn’t been as tough as I expected. It’s been a beautiful journey. I’ll never take for granted how much having a hands-on partner has made everything better and more beautiful.

You’ve highlighted that your pregnancy was challenging. What challenges did you experience during it?

It was scary. I lived in fear every day. In 2020, I had a miscarriage, and when I went to check on my irregular period in 2023, the doctor told me, “You’re pregnant, but it seems you’re having a miscarriage.” I felt like I had died inside. But after some tests and an examination, the doctor found a heartbeat and said, “It seems you were pregnant with twins, and one baby is still alive.” That was an emotionally confusing moment. I asked myself, “Should I mourn or celebrate? Why is it this way? And how could I ensure this baby stays alive?” I was consumed with paranoia until I gave birth. It was a bittersweet journey for us.

How did you feel when you first found out you were going to have twins?

It was sad because I found out through the announcement that the other twin didn’t make it. But in the back of my mind, I kept thinking, “We don’t have twins in our family.” I truly believe that God and our ancestors gave us twins so we could have our miracle baby. But if it’s God’s will, we’ll accept twins, and then we’ll close the shop!

When you received the news about the loss of one of your twins, how did you process that? Did it change how you viewed your pregnancy and motherhood?

It caused so much fear and paranoia. I’m a very faithful person, but I was scared because I knew there wasn’t much, I could do to prevent a miscarriage. Every time I broke down, my husband would remind me to focus on the positive and not dwell on fear. So, I practised faith and believed that one day, we would hold our baby in our hands. It didn’t change my view of motherhood at all. I was scared, but I just wanted to give birth so I could finally see our baby.

How did you and your partner navigate the difficult period together? What role did each of you play in supporting one another?

By staying present at the moment, through both the good and the bad, we faced everything together in real time. We allowed each other to grieve but also helped lift each other out of the darkness and into the light. My husband was incredibly strong for us, ensuring I had nothing else to worry about. That man was truly made for me by God.

Were there moments when you felt isolated or struggled to cope with the loss? How did you overcome those challenges?

Yes, definitely. We decided to go through it together before informing family and friends. A lot of it was dealt with in isolation, and I think that was the best decision we made. When we were ready to involve everyone, we did, but by then, we were emotionally stable and strong. We prayed and reassured each other, and I believe that made us stronger and better prepared to face our reality with everyone else.

What helped you get through the darkest days after your loss? Were there any specific coping strategies or support systems that made a difference for you?

Crying and praying, practicing faith, and trusting that everything happens for a reason. It was hard because the human part of me wanted to know why—why again, and what good reason could be worth this pain? So, I spoke to God and my ancestors, and over time, my faith was restored. One of my favorite quotes that I live by is, “Feed your faith so your doubt can starve to death.” I fed my faith and silenced the doubt I had toward God and my ancestors, and that truly restored me. Each day became easier, and I began to feel excited, believing that I would hold my baby soon.

How has becoming a mother changed your perspective on family and your role within it? What surprised you most about this transition?

I’ve been a mother to so many children, so this experience has been more about being a full-time mom and finally getting to go through all the things I’ve heard my friends complain about. Maybe I’m speaking too soon, but I’m on cloud nine. I’m so content and happy with it all, and I’m truly looking forward to everything ahead. I feel incredibly privileged to have so much love and support. I’ve been able to work, and my company is still doing well, which allows me to fulfil all my duties. I’ve been a bit impatient with my body and losing the baby weight, but everyone keeps reminding me to give myself grace. However, in 2025, I’m determined to get my body back, as my confidence has been low, and I haven’t been happy with how I look in clothes. That said, it’s been a minor issue compared to coming home to my beautiful family. It’s all still so surreal.

Having recently gotten married and now become a parent, how have you and your partner navigated this new chapter in your life together?

It’s all still sinking in. At random times, my husband will smile, watch us, and say, ‘Baba, I’m looking at my wife and my child.’ It’s been such a beautiful transition. We now have so much more to fight for in this life. Our communication has improved because it’s no longer just about the two of us—it’s about our family. Both of us grew up without living with both parents, and now we’re creating our own vision of what a ‘perfect’ family looks like. We want our children to see love through us and build a stronger foundation than we had. So, each day, we’re learning and unlearning, and what makes it easier is that we’re both equally invested in the same goal. Alignment is key when building a family.

What have been some of the most rewarding moments of motherhood so far? Are there any milestones with your baby that have made you feel proud?

The first time my son said ‘Mama,’ I ran around the house in pure joy. It was the most rewarding and reassuring moment ever. But coming home to him every day and seeing the improvements in his development—that’s been the real gift. Watching him learn new things, pick up new words, and even have someone cry for me when I leave the room… it’s all been such a beautiful experience.

As a new mom, what challenges or unexpected hurdles have you faced balancing personal life, marriage, and the demands of raising a newborn? How have you managed these adjustments?

I’ve learned that planning ahead—both emotionally and financially—is crucial when preparing for a child. It’s also important to recognise that parenting is not a solo journey, and I have deep respect for all the single mothers and fathers out there. Our son was admitted to the hospital, and time just seemed to stop. You can never fully prepare for or anticipate having a sick baby.

When I had to leave the country for work, I struggled with mom guilt, even though I knew it was necessary to invest in his future. On the other hand, my marriage has been such a source of strength and comfort. My husband makes being his wife such an easy privilege, so at least I don’t have that added stress. I pray we continue to be soft, kind, and loving toward each other forever. Nothing is perfect, but we make sure to address everything and communicate openly. We prioritize respect and consideration, which makes life easier as we face challenges. It also allows us to come home to peace and happiness.

How do you envision your family growing in the future? What values or traditions do you hope to instil in your child as he grows up?

I definitely see our family growing in numbers, God willing. We’re having our white wedding this year, so no babies in 2025! I pray that, with the help of my husband, we’re able to raise a smart, respectful boy who knows who he is. We also pray for wisdom to guide him into becoming the man God intended him to be.

Thuthu Mokoka, what’s one piece of advice you would give to other new mothers?

“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” It’s important to plan for your baby both emotionally and financially so you don’t get overwhelmed. The moment we found out we were pregnant; we opened an account for his education and have been contributing to it every month since. Don’t settle, do whatever it takes to ensure you and your partner are aligned. Make sure you’re having children and getting married because that’s what you both want, not because of any external pressures from people who won’t be involved in your marriage or help raise your child. Communication is key to any relationship. Build a healthy foundation so you can be the example of a strong, healthy marriage that your children will want to emulate when they grow up. Finally, deal with any generational curses or traumas before bringing a child into the world. Your child deserves better than what you may have experienced. Fight for that.

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