Parenting isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ – Louise Volschenk Gets Real

At 38, Louise Volschenk has accomplished a great deal in her career as a successful entrepreneur in the beauty industry, balancing her thriving business with motherhood.

The makeup artist is the owner of Halous Professional, a makeup products brand, as well as Halous Makeup Academy.

Now, she’s joined the newest Showmax show, The Mommy Club: Van Die Hoofstad, which focuses on the journey of motherhood and follows Pretoria’s wealthiest moms as they form connections through their shared experiences of motherhood.

Louise has been married to Juan Volschenk for 12 years, and they have two children together. She is excited to showcase her life as a mom while also balancing her career and her role as a wife. She recently spoke to Goodwill Thomo about her journey through motherhood, raising two children while managing a busy career, and her experience joining The Mommy Club: Van Die Hoofstad.

Could you tell us a bit about your children?

I have two sons: one is 10 years old and will be turning 11 this year, and the other is 6 years old and will be turning 7 this year.

How has your motherhood journey been so far?

Being a mother to them has been an incredible experience. I always say that it’s the best thing but also the most difficult thing you’ll ever do. It’s amazing and being a mother means everything to me. I honestly can’t imagine what I did before becoming a mom.

How was your experience during pregnancy with both of your children?

It was tough, and I honestly didn’t enjoy the journey. I’m quite short, only 1.5 meters, so it felt like I was carrying a lot of weight. Both my babies were around 3 kilograms, which made it even harder. I didn’t have an easy time with either pregnancy — I was nauseous or vomiting until about 20 weeks. I had all the difficult symptoms, except maybe one or two things, but overall, pregnancy wasn’t fun for me. However, once my babies were born, they were amazing. They were both wonderful, calm babies, and that made it all worth it.

What has been the most surprising thing about motherhood for you?

As a mother of two, what has surprised me the most is how different they are, despite coming from the same household and having the same parents. Their personalities are completely different! What worked for one, whether it was in terms of discipline or how to show gratitude, doesn’t always work for the other.  For example, when you give one a stern look, he’ll start crying, while the other needs a firmer hand. It’s incredible to see how parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all. Every child is unique, and as a mother, you learn what works best for each one based on their individual personality.

How do you balance your career now that you’re in the spotlight while also being a present mother to your sons? Do you have any tips for working moms?

The only thing I can say is that it’s impossible to manage everything without a partner who is 100% supportive. My husband is fully involved as a father, even though he also works incredibly hard. We do everything 50/50. We balance things out like that. On most weekends, I work or attend events, and he completely takes care of the kids.

When my youngest was about five months old, I had the opportunity to attend a make-up course in England, and I had to leave for two weeks. He took care of both the five-month-old and our four-year-old on his own — handling night-time feedings, changing nappies, school runs, and packing lunches, all while managing his own career.

Having a partner like him makes it possible for me to succeed in my career while also being present for my children. He’s wonderful — so hands-on and supportive in everything I need. And when I return home from a weekend away, he’ll greet me with a glass of wine and then take care of the kids and household responsibilities.

Has there ever been a moment when your boys shared something unexpected about you?

Yes, it happens all the time. My oldest is a lot like his dad, and my youngest is a lot like me. I tend to bump heads the most with my youngest because he has traits that remind me so much of myself. The things in his personality that irritate me are exactly what I do myself. I’ve realised that some of the headaches I caused my parents are like the ones I’m now experiencing. Even in conflict situations, the way he handles things is exactly how I would have handled them. I see it in him and think, ‘Oh goodness, this is terrible. I need to work on that.’ He’s like my mirror, and I’m learning a lot about myself through him — both what to do and what not to do.

My first born is like his dad — very calm and collected. When I discipline him, he’ll say, ‘I’m so sorry,’ and genuinely work on improving his behaviour. I really admire that about him. My husband is the same way, and I’ve learned a lot from him about accepting criticism and turning it into something positive. My husband handles things that way, and I see that trait in our son.”

Boys have so much energy! How do you keep up with their boundless enthusiasm while ensuring they’re learning along the way?

I’m just like them — I have a lot of energy and am always busy, always doing something. They never tire me out because I’m the same! I’m always up for climbing a tree, going for a run, or taking the dogs for a walk — whatever it might be. I love seeing my boys happy, and I’m always happy to play with them.

How do you handle discipline in your household? Is it different for each of your two boys?

Even though the way we handle things may differ based on their personalities, we are very strict parents. We’re loving, of course, but discipline is the number one priority in our household. With both of us balancing demanding careers, we can’t afford to lack discipline. Our boys need to understand their place as children, and it’s important that they respect that we are the parents, and they are the kids. What we say goes. When they’re older, they can make their own rules, but while they’re under our roof, it’s our rules.

It’s also crucial that my husband and I align when it comes to decisions, so if I say no to one child, and the other comes to ask the same thing, we make sure we’re on the same page. They can’t play us up against each other. We’re a united team when it comes to decisions, discipline, and everything else. That’s very important to us.

When you spend time together as a family, do you have any traditions or activities that you particularly enjoy with your two sons?

Oh, we have so many! Recently, we went bowling and then to the arcade to play games. We all love Chinese and Thai food, so we enjoyed sushi and dim sum. We also love playing board games together. Another thing we enjoy is walking — we do a lot of it. On Sundays or during the holidays, we’ll go hiking, and sometimes, we’ll pack a picnic and find a nice spot to sit and enjoy it. We really love spending quality time together.

As your children get older, how do you plan to help them develop emotional intelligence and empathy?

They’re such a big part of our lives. We do a lot of things together — we cook together, eat together, and have family dinners every night. That family unit is important to me, and I want them to feel that it’s fun to be around us, so that when they’re older, they’ll choose to spend time with us rather than just with their friends. We’re very family-oriented and very close to my husband’s parents. Family means a lot to us, and we come together around the table over food — that’s where we connect and bond.

As they grow, I think we’ll continue to adapt. Every phase of their lives has been a learning curve for us. I’m excited about what the future holds, but my biggest fear is that they’ll grow up and want to leave this country. I honestly don’t know how I’d cope with that because I’m so close to my boys.

They get along quite well with each other, especially because my eldest, speaks softly to his brother and likes to apologise and make things right. That helps a lot, especially when the little one starts to freak out, his big brother will calmly talk to him to settle things. Because of this, we rarely have big blow-ups. 

How do you build a strong connection with your boys while also ensuring you have time for yourself and maintain independence?

From when they were little, it’s always been important for me and my husband to prioritise our relationship, even though, of course, our children come first in many ways. For example, we make time for weekly date nights. Every Thursday, we have a date night, and we hire a babysitter so we can have time just for ourselves. We want to show them that our relationship is a priority, as they’ll learn from that example how to treat others, especially their future partners. We try to lead by example in everything we do. 

What’s one thing you wish people better understood about being a mother of two boys?

One important thing to note is that, especially as women, we also like to look good and feel good. A lot of women tend to neglect themselves after having children, whether they are boys or girls. But you can have it all — you can look good, have a successful career, and raise children who are thriving in school.

The key is not to make life harder for yourself by trying to do everything for them. In fact, you’re doing them a disservice. The more independent they are, the more they’ll thank you in the long run. For example, I encourage my boys to do their own homework and study for tests on their own, even if they don’t always perform as well as other kids whose moms do everything for them. I believe that one day, they could become entrepreneurs because they’ve developed the discipline to do things themselves.

For me, I think women should stop babying their kids and boys to become real men. Let them explore and think for themselves. Take my oldest, for example — he’s in the kitchen right now, making chocolate mud pudding all by himself from a recipe book. I’m not helping him; he’s doing it completely on his own. That kind of independence is so important.

How do you support them in expressing their emotions?

Every evening, we have a tradition around the table where everyone takes a turn sharing three things: What was the best part of my day, what was the worst part, and what am I proud of myself for? We go around the table, and each person shares something positive, something challenging, and something they did that made them proud. Even if it’s something small, it allows them to express their feelings and feel good about themselves. This is usually during our dinner time, when we can also check if there’s anything that needs to be discussed from the day.

What is your advice for other moms who are raising boys?

Just enjoy the journey. Take lots of pictures and always have your camera ready because there are so many amazing and funny moments you’ll want to capture. Boys are mischievous and always say the funniest, cutest things. Don’t overthink it. With boys, especially, you need a firm hand. Discipline is key because they need to understand that one day, they’ll have to take care of and lead a family. You can’t raise leaders by babying them or letting them do whatever they want without understanding the consequences of their actions.

You are now a cast member of The Mommy Club: Van Die Hoofstad, how has your life changed since joining the show?

Right now, everything feels normal, but if it ever reaches a point where our children are exposed to social media and see what people are saying, we just try our best to protect them. We pray a lot — we pray for our family’s protection and that nothing related to the show or anything else will negatively affect our family dynamic. That’s something we’re incredibly proud of our strong, grounded family dynamic. We focus on doing normal things like going to therapy, having picnics, and just enjoying each other’s company.

How was filming the show?

It was the best time of my life — so much fun, but also a lot of hard work. I told someone the other day that if I thought I was busy before the show, I had no idea what was coming. It really made me realise that there are enough hours in the day to accomplish so much more than I ever thought possible. I honestly don’t even know how I managed to juggle everything, including the show. But it was also the connections I made with everyone — from the crew to the cast — that stood out the most. I believe those are lifelong relationships that I built through this experience. That, for me, was the best part.

How would you describe your connection with the other moms?

I connected well with the other mothers. I’m not one for drama, so I maintained a strong connection with each of them, even though there was drama that I chose not to get involved in.

They are all amazing moms, and it was interesting to see how our parenting styles differ because of our unique lifestyles. For example, with Tessa, I learned that kids can quickly adapt to their parents’ divorce as long as both parents continue to show love and support.”

Why was it important for you, as a mother, to join the show?

It was important for me to show the balance between my career, self-care, marriage, and children. I love humour and laugh about things I can’t change. For me, it’s fine to give 80% rather than 100%, so I don’t drop the ball in other areas.

As you look to the future, what are your hopes for your two sons as they grow older?

I just hope that whatever they choose to do, they’re happy. My husband and I both have careers we love and are passionate about, and we truly enjoy going to work. I hope they find something that brings them joy and satisfaction. I also hope they desire to have a family of their own, and the bigger, the better — I’d have four more kids if I could! Most importantly, I hope they find wives who share their values. Above all, I wish them happiness and faith. Life can be tough at times, but everything will work out because it’s all in God’s hands.