Should your child have one best friend?

by Gillian Klawansky
Published: Updated:
Should your child have one best friend
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Whether they’re toddlers, tweens or teens, having a best friend can help your kids better overcome the trials and tribulations that come with growing up. But is having one bestie the ideal option for your child? By Gillian Klawansky.

From playgrounds to sports fields to social media minefields, having one or many true friend/s throughout one’s school career can make navigating childhood and adolescence that much easier. “Humans are social creatures by nature,” says educational psychologist, Lee-Anne Lewis. “It is not imperative to have a best friend, but it is vital to have friends who your child or teenager feels supported and accepted by in order for them to thrive.”

ALSO READ: How to raise resilient kids

Friends contribute to development

Making friends is a core part of your child’s development. “Friendships provide the platform to learn how to communicate, talk through differences and learn social skills,” Lewis says. These include invaluable lifelong skills like having empathy and developing emotional intelligence (EQ) – knowing how to regulate emotions and behave appropriately in social situations.

“Friendships also assist children and teenagers to feel supported and acknowledged despite the challenges that the school environment may bring,” Lewis continues. “When children feel acknowledged and accepted by their peers, they are more likely to have better self-esteem and lower rates of anxiety.”

As children grow older, the needs that their friendships fulfil, evolve, she adds. “Developmental stages in life require different levels of engagement from friendships with the toddler stage having parallel play compared to teenagers who transition their focus from their family to socialising with their peers.”

Some kids may naturally gravitate to just one person, their best friend forever (BFF) while others may feel more comfortable having a number of friends with varying levels of closeness. What matters most is not the quantity of friends but the quality of the relationships– that they feel they have sincere friends whom they can rely on.

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Benefits of besties

“We just get each other.” The close bond that best friends share, especially throughout childhood can not only create lifelong memories but also can have a considerable impact on who they become. Having a best friend, not only offers your child a sense of belonging that comes with being able to identify and share their feelings with a peer who has similar interests, it also allows them the opportunity to learn from one another and share ideas, says Lewis.

Other benefits of having one close friend throughout one’s school years, she continues, include:

  • Having someone that you feel comfortable to discuss any issues with as best friends who understand one another’s personalities and backgrounds.
  • Connectedness – knowing your best friend is with you despite not always being physically close.
  • Unconditional support– a best friend has seen you at your best and your worst and you’re both always willing to stand and support each another.
  • A strengthening of self-esteem because you know your bestie values your opinion and what you have to say.
  • Loyalty, which means you do not need to be concerned about the secrets you share being revealed to anyone else.
  • Having a person with whom your child can share secrets, dreams and thoughts without being judged.

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Having multiple friends enables a child or teenager to interact with others from various backgrounds, cultures and diverse abilities

Possible BFF pitfalls

Relying on one best friend, especially through childhood and adolescence where one is more susceptible to peer pressure, can have its pitfalls though. According to Lewis, these include:

  • Having one BFF may limit potential friendships with others.
  • Negative influences of a best friend can result in making decisions that are incorrect.
  • If the friendship ends, feelings of betrayal and grief are intensified due to you only having one best friend.

Groups can be good

Ultimately each friend you connect with, no matter how close you may be, brings something different to your life.

The Lily Rose Collection
The Lily Rose Collection

“Having multiple friends enables a child or teenager to interact with others from various backgrounds, cultures and diverse abilities,” Lewis says. “This may teach your child how to work in a team and provides them the opportunity to develop new skills, developing new insights and learning to be non-judgemental.”

Whether your child establishes a lifelong friendship with their bestie, goes through a series of best friends, or simply has a group of close friends, it’s important that they remain open to learning from everyone they encounter.

Facilitating friendships

As parents, we need to draw the right balance between being too controlling and not taking enough interest in our children’s social lives. Regardless of your parenting style, the most important thing is to model positive friendships for your children as they generally mirror their parents’ behaviour.

Your kids also need to know that you’re there to support them as they establish and change their circle of friends – or drift away from or towards having one best friend.

“In the case of young children, take a keen interest in who your child connects to within the school environment and make an effort to assist your child in making play dates outside of school as an opportunity for socialisation,” Lewis suggests. “As they grow up, be willing to listen to your child and help them navigate the highs and lows that friendships can bring.”

ALSO READ: How imaginary friends can boost a child’s development

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The Lily Rose Collection
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