When your baby doesn’t want to sleep, it can turn bedtime into a stressful and exhausting experience for both of you. Whether it’s frequent night wakings, trouble falling asleep, or resisting naps, many parents face these common challenges. Written by Laura-Kim Le Roux .
According to my mother, I never slept as a baby. The way she tells it, I never even closed my eyes, not even for a five-minute power nap. I think she must have muttered “wait until you have kids” under her breath a million times a day because none of my four children slept.
The boys were better and they got the hang of it after about 18 months, but the girls took a little longer; Kiara was five before she properly slept through and Emma (who is four) co-sleeps because then we know she will sleep. Over the last 16 years, I’ve learnt a few things about getting your babies to sleep, which hopefully will help those of you struggling with babies that don’t love to sleep.
“It does feel, in those early weeks, like you will never sleep again but you will and so will your baby.”
- Routines help. I have always been pretty flexible with daily routines, but we had a strict night-time routine with all the kids when they were babies. Bath time was at the same time, then bottle and into bed. Often, actually getting the baby to sleep can take some time, but I found having the set routine did help a lot.
- Do what feels right. We tried a few different methods over the years; some of them felt completely wrong, so we stopped them. I had friends who were doing the same things that didn’t work for us with success and that is okay. Every child is different, every family is different. You have to find what works for you.
- Get help. Don’t try to do it alone. Sleep deprivation is destructive and can be dangerous. My husband and I would take turns to get up for the kids at night. When Emma was a baby he did travel, which was tough, but I had an amazing nanny who took over during the day, so I could at least recharge. There is no shame in asking for help.
- Shut out the noise. The minute I would tell people my baby doesn’t sleep, I was hit with a barrage of tips, ideas and advice on what I should do. Stop breastfeeding, start solids, let them cry it out, try Gina Ford, put them into your bed, medicate them, get a night nurse and so it went on. Find one or two people whose advice you trust and turn to them. There are so many conflicting ideas on how to get babies to sleep, it can be as overwhelming as the sleep deprivation.
- It does get easier. I can say with certainty that it does get easier. The baby that kept me awake for six weeks straight is now a teenager who has caught up on all those missed hours, and then some. It does feel, in those early weeks, like you will never sleep again but you will and so will your baby.
- Look after yourself. When it is your first baby you can quickly become so caught up in tending to the needs of your little one that you forget you are a person as well. Make sure you are eating regularly and drinking enough water, especially if you are breastfeeding. Get out of the house, meet a friend for coffee or just do some grocery shopping alone.
You might also like: Sleep Training 101
General tips and tricks that we tried. Some worked, and some didn’t:
- Swaddle your baby. Wrapping them up tightly makes them feel safe and secure (and nice and warm in winter).
- Massage your baby after their bath with some safe baby oils that contain lavender.
- Play some white noise for them in their room.
- A night light offers gentle, soft light and may help if you are struggling with older babies.
- Blackout curtains can help if you live somewhere where the sun sets late.
- Give them a comfort toy/taglet. They will come to associate this with sleep.
Every baby is different and it is often a game of trial and error to try figure out what works for your baby. The good news is that it doesn’t last forever; your baby will sleep through and so will you.
NEXT READ: How much sleep does your baby need?
BabyYumYum FAQ’s on what to do when your baby doesn’t want to sleep
Why won’t my baby sleep? There are various reasons why a baby might not sleep, including hunger, discomfort, overstimulation, teething, or irregular sleep schedules.
How much sleep does my baby need? Newborns typically need 14-17 hours of sleep per day, while infants aged 4-11 months need about 12-15 hours. Toddlers require around 11-14 hours of sleep daily.
How can I establish a sleep routine for my baby? Creating a consistent bedtime routine with calming activities like a warm bath, reading a book, or gentle rocking can help signal to your baby that it’s time to sleep.
What should I do if my baby wakes up frequently at night? Ensure that your baby is comfortable and their needs are met. Check for hunger, a wet nappy, or signs of discomfort. Gently soothe your baby back to sleep without turning on bright lights or making loud noises.
How can I help my baby differentiate between day and night? Expose your baby to natural light during the day and keep the environment dim and quiet at night. This helps regulate their internal body clock.
What are some soothing techniques to help my baby sleep? Swaddling, white noise machines, gentle rocking, and pacifiers can help soothe a baby to sleep. Every baby is different, so it may take some experimentation to find what works best.
Is it okay to let my baby cry it out? The “cry it out” method is a personal choice and can be effective for some families. However, it’s important to ensure that your baby is safe and that their needs are met before allowing them to self-soothe.
Can feeding affect my baby’s sleep? Yes, feeding patterns can impact sleep. Ensure your baby is getting enough to eat during the day. Avoid feeding immediately before bedtime if it seems to cause sleep disturbances.
How can I tell if my baby is overtired? Signs of an overtired baby include fussiness, crying, rubbing eyes, yawning, and difficulty settling down. An overtired baby may have more trouble falling asleep and staying asleep.
What should I do if my baby refuses to nap during the day? Maintain a consistent nap schedule and create a calm, dark environment for naps. Shortening the awake times between naps can also help prevent overtiredness.
When should I be concerned about my baby’s sleep patterns? If your baby consistently has trouble sleeping or shows signs of distress, it may be helpful to consult a paediatrician to rule out any underlying health issues.
Are sleep training methods safe for my baby? Most sleep training methods are safe if applied correctly and with sensitivity to your baby’s needs. It’s important to choose a method that feels right for your family and to proceed with patience and consistency.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE
Discover gentle sleep training techniques to help your baby sleep better without tears and stress for both of you.
