The Neurotypical Sibling Experience: What Every Parent Should Know

When you’re raising a child with a neurodevelopmental condition such as autism or Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), it’s natural for much of your time and energy to be directed towards meeting their unique needs.

Parents often ask: How does this affect my other child?

For neurotypical siblings, growing up alongside a neurodivergent brother or sister can be both rewarding and emotionally demanding. These children frequently experience feelings and challenges that are easy to overlook, but understanding and supporting them can make a lasting difference.

Feeling Left Out or Lonely

Many neurotypical siblings report feeling isolated or left out, especially when their neurodivergent sibling requires more attention or care. They may quietly struggle with sadness or feel that their emotional needs are less important in the family dynamic. Research shows that this can sometimes lead to feelings of loneliness and even depression, particularly if they don’t have a safe space to express these emotions.

As a parent, being aware of these feelings (and checking in regularly) can help prevent them from building up over time.

Resentment and Emotional Conflict

It’s not uncommon for neurotypical siblings to feel resentment. They might notice that family life tends to revolve around their siblings’ needs, and they may feel frustrated or even invisible at times. These emotions are normal but can be confusing for a child who also deeply cares for their sibling.

Try to validate these complex feelings rather than dismiss them. Acknowledging their perspective helps children feel seen and supported.

Managing Social Situations

Children may also feel anxious in social settings if their siblings’ behaviours are unpredictable or misunderstood by others. They might feel embarrassed, become overly protective, or find it hard to explain what’s happening to peers. Over time, this can affect their confidence or lead them to avoid social events altogether.

Creating open conversations about these experiences (and helping your child practise what to say in tricky situations) can empower them and reduce stress.

Sibling Relationships Over Time

While some siblings develop a close and lasting bond, others may feel disconnected. This is especially true if the neurodivergent sibling has significant communication or behavioural challenges. As they grow older, neurotypical siblings may grieve the idea of a “typical” sibling relationship, especially if it becomes clear that their bond will always look different from that of their friends.

In some families, this can lead to emotional distance in adulthood. Understanding this possibility can help you support both children more intentionally from early on.

Empathy, Maturity and the Risk of Burnout

Despite the challenges, many neurotypical siblings develop remarkable empathy, patience, and resilience. They often grow up with a strong sense of social awareness and responsibility. However, it’s important to make sure they’re not taking on a “third parent” role or hiding their own needs in order to keep the peace.

Encouraging your child to express their emotions, celebrate their own identity, and have experiences independent of their sibling is crucial for healthy development.

How Parents Can Support Neurotypical Siblings

There are simple yet powerful ways to nurture your neurotypical child’s wellbeing:

• One-on-One Time:
  Regular, uninterrupted time with each child reminds them that they are just as valued and loved. Even 20 minutes of focused attention can make a big difference.
• Sibling Support Groups:
  Consider support groups or sibling workshops (in person or online) where they can meet peers who get it. These connections can help them feel less alone.
• Age-Appropriate Information:
  Helping your child understand their sibling’s diagnosis in a way that makes sense to them can reduce confusion and increase empathy.
• Involve Them, But Don’t Burden Them:
  It’s okay to involve siblings in routines or care—but keep it age-appropriate. They should never feel it’s their job to manage everything.
• Professional Support if Needed:
  If you notice your neurotypical child withdrawing, becoming anxious, or overly angry, a therapist or counsellor can help them process these complex feelings.

Creating a Family Culture of Understanding

Every family is different, and there is no perfect approach. But what matters most is recognising that your neurotypical child’s experience is valid, important, and worthy of attention. By being proactive and compassionate, you can foster an environment where all your children (neurodivergent and neurotypical alike) can thrive.

References

• Sipowicz, K. (2022). Being an adult sibling of an individual with autism spectrum disorder may be a predictor of loneliness and depression – Preliminary findings from a cross-sectional study. Frontiers in Psychology. Link
• Holl, E. (2020). Siblings: Common Concerns and Effective Support Strategies. Autism Spectrum News. Link
• Autism Speaks. (2021). 20 Things You Experience as a ‘Neurotypical’ Sibling. Link
• Psychology Today. (2023). A Hidden Cause of Some Difficult Family Relationships. Link
• Kaminsky, L. & Dewey, D. (2001). Siblings’ relationships of children with autism. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 31(4), 399–410. Link