The do’s and don’ts of raising an only child

by Tshepy Matloga-Malope
Published: Updated:
Raising an only child comes with unique challenges and rewards.
Reading Time: 4 minutes

Raising an only child comes with unique challenges and rewards. With no siblings to interact with daily, only children often receive undivided attention from their parents. This can lead to strong bonds and a high level of parental involvement, but it may also require parents to take extra steps to ensure their child develops important social and emotional skills. By Tshepy Matloga-Malope.

Samantha Slaven, an occupational therapist (BSc UCT) with a special interest in paediatrics and maternal mental health, offers tips to help you navigate the unique journey of raising an only child.

Encourage social interaction

One of the key challenges for only children is developing social skills in the absence of siblings. It is crucial to provide ample opportunities for your child to interact with peers. “Arrange regular playdates, enrol them in group activities like sports or clubs, and encourage participation in community events. These experiences help them learn to share, cooperate, and build friendships, fostering essential social skills,” says Slaven.

Plus, only children might miss out on learning relationship values naturally absorbed through sibling interactions. As a parent, you can model these behaviours. Show empathy, compromise, and the importance of handling both victories and defeats gracefully. Engage your child in family discussions and decisions, helping them understand and practice these values in a safe environment.

“Turn-taking is the beginning of sharing, and a child will only grasp the concept of sharing after the age of three or older as they become aware that other people are separate beings with their own wants and opinions. We introduce sharing when we take turns, such as kicking a ball back and forth or sharing sweets,” says Slaven.

Foster independence and individuality

To prevent over-reliance on parental support, encourage your child to solve problems independently. Slaven emphasises the importance of giving age-appropriate chores and activities within the home where children can make mistakes, gain confidence, and develop a sense of self-worth through achievement. This fosters confidence and self-sufficiency, crucial traits for their development.

With no siblings to compete with, only children might feel a significant parental influence on their identity. Encourage your child to pursue their interests and passions, even if they differ from your own. This supports the development of a unique identity and promotes independence.

Understanding your child’s developmental stage and capabilities is key. Slaven advises, “Give them age-appropriate chores within the home where they are safe to make mistakes, gain confidence through practice, and develop a sense of self-worth through achievement.”

Check out: Parenting kids with a big age gap

Promote kindness and emotional well-being

Empathy and kindness are often cultivated through sibling interactions. “Parents can instil these values by involving their child in activities that promote helping others, such as volunteer work or taking care of a pet. Demonstrating and discussing empathetic behaviour in daily life reinforces these values,” says Slaven.

Only children can be hard on themselves, particularly when things go wrong. Provide emotional support and encourage open communication about their feelings. Help them develop resilience by discussing setbacks and finding constructive ways to deal with disappointment and frustration.

Slaven suggests, “Reassure your child that it’s okay to feel nervous, uncertain, or anxious, and coach them through those emotions until they develop a sense of self-efficacy.”

Avoid perfectionism and overindulgence

Only children often strive for perfection, sometimes due to high parental expectations. Slaven highlights the importance of allowing your child to make mistakes and learn from them. Encourage effort and improvement rather than perfection, helping them develop a healthy attitude towards challenges and failures.

The Lily Rose Collection
The Lily Rose Collection

It’s easy to overindulge an only child but teaching them the value of patience and delayed gratification is essential. Set boundaries and ensure they understand that not all desires can be immediately fulfilled. This helps them develop a balanced approach to life’s demands.

“Success is defined differently for each person, and it’s important to remember that you are not your child. Understand your child’s personality and manage expectations accordingly,” says Slaven.

Maintain a balanced family dynamic

In a family with only one child, it is vital to maintain a healthy family dynamic. Ensure that your relationship with your partner remains strong, as parental conflicts can negatively impact your child’s well-being. Regular family activities and maintaining open communication strengthen family bonds and create a supportive environment.

Build a network of extended family and friends who can provide additional social interactions and support. Regular visits with cousins, family friends, and involvement in community activities help your child feel connected and supported beyond the immediate family.

“Spend time together with people who hold similar values. Visit or host grandparents, extended family, and friends in your home. Go on adventures together and allow your child to be part of building those relationships,” says Slaven.

The experience of an only child who became a mom to an only child…

Keletso Thobega grew up as an only child, and is now a mother to Kitso, who is also an only child. Keletso contrasts her son’s upbringing with her own. “As an only child, I developed poor social skills because I was always alone. I’m mindful to allow my son to have friends and learn things for himself.”

Thobega’s approach to parenting is rooted in inculcating a culture of respect, sharing, and politeness. “It’s crucial to teach children to be polite and respectful of others through our actions, she says. Her son has been exposed to a supportive family and community from a young age and has learned early the importance of social harmony. “I am a product of ‘it takes a village to raise a child,’ and so is my son,” she explains. “Different people helped take care of him, teaching him to deal with various people and conduct himself respectfully.” Despite some typical childhood behaviours, he outgrew them with guidance and support.

Fostering independence is crucial for Keletso. “I give him adequate attention and respect but allow him to be himself. He’s a teenager now and can communicate when he needs space,” she says. “We can offer advice and guidance, but it’s also important to allow them to do things for themselves.”

The Lily Rose Collection
The Lily Rose Collection

Also read: How to deal with sibling rivalry

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