I can’t go to the loo alone. Cooking? Showering? Forget it—my Velcro baby is glued to my side (or more accurately, my hip). It’s beautiful, overwhelming, and exhausting all at once. Some babies are just wired for closeness, and while it can be draining, it’s also a sign of deep trust and attachment. Living with my Velcro baby has taught me how to balance love, space, and sanity—sometimes barely, but always with heart. Written by Inge Valentyn-May.
I absolutely adore kids – it’s one of the reasons I became a preschool teacher. We just connect and understand one another, so when I became pregnant with my first baby I was over the moon!
Everyone told me what a natural I was with children and how easy it was going to be with my own baby. I guess in the back of my mind I thought they must be right. After all, I love children, so how much more would I love own bundle of joy? Inge Valentyn-May’s son, Micah
I had an easy pregnancy and wondered if that was any indication of the way things would unfold after our baby was born. My husband and I are easygoing, so surely our baby would be too?
After the birth of my son we soon realised that this little man of ours had plans of his own. Certain things he wanted done in a certain way. He wanted to be held all the time and cried whenever we put him down. He refused a dummy as well as the bottle and only wanted me. Let me rephrase – he only wanted his boobies all day long.
At night we had to sleep with him in our arms or else he’d wake up. I felt trapped because I couldn’t move anywhere or do anything without him. Sometimes I didn’t get to eat or drink anything until later in the day; other days I never left the couch. Most of the time I could only shower when my husband came home from work.
I didn’t understand why he was so attached, so clingy and needy. I mean, I’ve been around countless babies and none of them where like him, NONE! They were the way I envisioned babies to be; sleeping all day, laying peacefully in their cribs with a dummy in their mouths while the doting parents watched them in awe.
I started reading up about attached babies and came across countless articles. I wanted answers. I wanted to know what was wrong with my baby and what I was doing to make him like this.
To this day I remember the article I came across that saved me – the first of many others that has helped me along this journey. It spoke about the fourth trimester and how certain, if not most babies, need an adjustment period after birth. I sighed with relief; my baby was normal, this was normal. Why didn’t anyone talk about this and why is it often viewed in such a negative light? I had no clue that this was normal infant behaviour.
This started a change in me that sparked many more as time went on. I started to connect with other moms going through a similar experience, joining groups and discussions. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, like yes! I can do this; I am not alone and it is only for a season.
Now, I’m one year in and my Velcro baby is becoming a confident, independent, smart, curious and adventurous little boy! He still loves his boobies, still hates the dummy and bottle, sleeps next to me at night and still contact naps in the day, but I know it won’t be for long. Soon he won’t need me as much, so for now I will snuggle with him just a bit longer.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) – My Velcro Baby: Clingy Days and Sleepless Nights
What is a “Velcro baby”?
A “Velcro baby” is a term lovingly used to describe a baby who wants to be held or near their parent constantly. These babies often cry when put down and prefer physical closeness and comfort throughout the day and night.
Is it normal for babies to be this clingy?
Yes, it’s completely normal. Many babies go through phases of increased separation anxiety, especially around 4 to 9 months and again at 18 months. This is a sign of healthy emotional development.
Why does my baby cry every time I put them down?
Your baby may be seeking comfort, security, or connection. At this stage, they don’t yet understand object permanence—meaning when you leave the room, they think you’re gone for good.
Will holding my baby too much spoil them?
No. Responding to your baby’s need for closeness helps them feel safe and secure, and builds trust. You can’t spoil a baby with love, especially in the first year.
How can I get things done when my baby wants to be held all the time?
Try using a baby carrier or wrap, so you can keep them close while staying hands-free. You can also encourage short stretches of independent play, gradually increasing the time.
Will my Velcro baby ever grow out of this phase?
Yes, most babies grow more independent with time. As their confidence, mobility, and understanding of your presence develop, they’ll become more comfortable being apart from you for short periods.
How do I manage night-time clinginess or frequent waking?
Gentle sleep routines, co-sleeping (if safe and appropriate), or room-sharing can help. You can also try gradually increasing your baby’s comfort with falling asleep without constant contact, using soothing methods like shushing or patting.
What are some ways to encourage more independence?
Offer safe opportunities for exploration, give lots of praise when they do something independently, and create predictable routines to help them feel secure even when not being held.
Is this behaviour a sign of a problem?
In most cases, no. However, if your child shows extreme distress, doesn’t settle even when held, or if the clinginess is impacting your mental health, it’s a good idea to speak with your paediatrician or health visitor.
How can I look after my own well-being during this phase?
Ask for help where you can—from a partner, friend, or family member. Even short breaks can help you recharge. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed—you’re doing your best and your baby’s clinginess is a sign of how much they trust you.
ALSO READ: 7 steps to mental health during motherhood
Disclaimer: This information is for educational and support purposes only. For concerns about your baby’s behaviour, sleep, or development, please consult a qualified healthcare provider or paediatrician.
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