If you've ever tiptoed out of a room only to hear a loud “MOMMY!” two minutes later, you know the reality of toddlers and the struggle of cot-sleeping: a parent’s view. It’s a nightly test of patience, strategy, and emotional endurance. As a parent, you start out hopeful with bedtime routines and soothing lullabies. But what follows often feels more like a tactical escape mission than a peaceful wind-down. Written by Pamela Madonsela.
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When it comes to toddlers and cot-sleeping, I really did think it would be a walk in the park as it was when my daughter was an infant. She would sleep there, cry in the middle of the night when she was hungry and she’d go back to sleep peacefully. Fast forward to today and the struggle is real!
We tried to put her cot in her room, but this failed dismally. She’d scream my name and pull the biggest tantrums in the odd hours of the night wanting to get out, so eventually she’d end up in our bed. I know this has been bothering my husband, who thinks I am being lenient with my daughter.
This has been going on for too long and a part of it worried me because at some point my daughter needs to learn to sleep on her own. Being a toddler comes with learning to be independent. I’d worry if I was doing something wrong or she’s just being a fussy child. I really needed answers.
I reached out on Facebook as I had to find out how other parents are dealing with this to help me deal with my dilemma and surprisingly (and to my relief!), our struggles are the same. One-year-olds refuse to sleep alone.
This is what other parents had to say
Mmapula Moepya is a mother of two and she co-sleeps with her two girls. She swears by a co-sleeper cot, but admits that the girls also end up in her bed again. Moepya’s is also worried about the effect this is having on her husband and their relationship – imagine two little humans in the middle of the two of you.
“It is part of growing up. It’s not easy to let go of you. She still needs the warmth of you as her mother. You have to teach her. It takes time. It’s a process, but bit by bit she will get used to sleeping alone,” said Nqobile Mchunu on the Facebook comments.
Judging from the comments I received, most parents have accepted that their toddlers sleep with them but do agree it’s not a good idea.
“We tried to put her cot in her room, but this failed dismally. She’d scream my name and pull the biggest tantrums in the odd hours of the night wanting to get out, so eventually she’d end up in our bed.”
Nothando Ndlovu, whose daughter will turn two in a few months says, “We sleep with our little one now but it’s not a good idea. Be strict, talk to her and tell her she’s a big girl and she has to sleep alone. Ignore her when she calls you.”
I wish I could ignore her, but the mother in me just can’t which is why she ends up in our bed almost every night.
Nokuphiwa Sikhakhane, a mother of two says, at times she can ignore her daughter and she falls back asleep, “but there are times when her cries cut to my heart so I go cuddle her.”
Xolisile Mpanza’s daughter is 10 months and she hasn’t been able to cot-train her. “We also have a co-sleeper that joins to our bed, so that helps a little. But she wakes up and crawls right out of it in the mid-hours of the night. But she’s also a boobie fanatic, so that makes things worse. They are just needy at this stage.”
For Cebelihle Ntuli, it’s been a constant battle and her little one is turning three soon. “It will get even worse when she figures out how to get out. The cot remains next to my bed, but I still wake up with her in our bed. Good luck.”
Lately, I haven’t been putting her in her cot because it always ends up with her in our bed anyway, and I question if she will ever get used to sleeping on her own – or will be an ongoing battle for the unforeseeable future?
I am not willing to give up just yet, however. I still need solutions on how to win this battle.
ALSO READ: Co-sleeping & bed-sharing with your baby: is it safe?
FAQs: Surviving Cot-Sleeping Struggles with Your Toddler
Why is my toddler suddenly refusing to sleep in their cot?
It’s common for toddlers to go through phases of sleep resistance due to developmental leaps, separation anxiety, teething, nightmares, or changes in routine.
Is it normal for toddlers to prefer sleeping in my bed?
Yes. Many toddlers crave closeness and reassurance, especially during periods of change. While it’s natural, it’s also okay to set boundaries that work for your family.
How can I make the cot feel more comfortable for my toddler?
Use soft bedding (following safe sleep guidelines), add a favourite stuffed toy or blanket, and maintain a calm, predictable bedtime routine to create a sense of safety.
What’s the best way to transition my toddler from your bed back to the cot?
Do it gradually. Start with daytime naps in the cot, sit beside the cot at bedtime, and slowly increase distance over several nights until your toddler feels secure sleeping independently.
Should I let my toddler cry it out?
This depends on your parenting style and comfort. Some parents find gentle methods more effective, such as responding with reassurance while encouraging independence. Do what feels right for your child and situation.
How long do cot-sleeping struggles usually last?
It varies, but with consistency and support, most sleep disruptions improve within a few weeks. Regressions are often temporary and linked to specific developmental stages.
What if my toddler keeps climbing out of the cot?
This may be a sign they’re ready for a toddler bed. Ensure the room is childproofed and consider transitioning to a bed with guard rails to prevent falls.
Can co-sleeping be harmful?
Co-sleeping isn’t harmful if done safely, but long-term it can affect sleep quality for both parents and toddlers. It’s important to consider what’s sustainable and healthy for your whole family.
How can I reduce nighttime wake-ups?
Stick to a calming bedtime routine, keep the room dark and quiet, and respond to wake-ups with minimal stimulation. Avoid introducing new sleep crutches unless they’re part of a long-term plan.
Is sleep training appropriate for toddlers?
Yes, but choose a gentle method suited to your child’s age and temperament. Popular approaches include gradual retreat, bedtime fading, or pick-up/put-down techniques.
Should I worry if my toddler still wakes at night?
Occasional night waking is normal, even into toddlerhood. If your child is otherwise healthy and happy, it’s usually nothing to worry about.
When should I ask for professional help?
If sleep issues are affecting your child’s health or your family’s wellbeing, it’s worth speaking to your GP, health visitor, or a certified sleep consultant for tailored support.
Disclaimer: This information is intended for general parenting support and does not replace personalised medical or developmental advice. For ongoing sleep challenges, please consult your GP or a qualified sleep specialist.
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