‘Her Timing Wasn’t Premature’: A Mum’s Story Of Prematurity, NICU and Connection

Each year, Prematurity Awareness Month is observed throughout November, with World Prematurity Day marked on 17 November. It’s a time to spotlight the realities of preterm birth, which is defined as birth before 37 completed weeks of pregnancy. It is also a time to advocate for the babies and families navigating this fragile start.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), an estimated 13.4 million babies were born prematurely in 2020, making preterm birth the leading cause of death among children under five. In South Africa, preterm birth remains a major contributor to neonatal mortality, yet awareness and support remain limited. You can explore other country-specific data for 2025 on the World Population Review.

This interview offers a deeply personal glimpse into that world. Thandeka Mthethwa, a mother to a beautiful baby girl, shares her unexpected journey into prematurity, from the shock of an early birth to the quiet strength it took to leave her newborn in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). Her story is not just about survival; it’s about bonding, advocacy and the kind of resilience that reshapes what we think we know about strength.

The Birth Story

Can you take us back to the moment you realised your baby would be born early? What were you feeling?

My baby, Ohana, was born at 34 weeks and 4 days. I never thought she would be born early, to be honest. I was counting down the weeks, and then suddenly I had a baby six weeks early. I did not get time to understand or prepare that my baby may be born sooner than expected. It all happened so fast.

What were the circumstances around the birth? Was it sudden, expected, or medically advised?

It was sudden. Even though I had high blood pressure during my pregnancy, I had no idea I would give birth before term. My face, feet and hands were swollen, and I couldn’t walk long distances, but my nurse didn’t pick it up. My manager let me work from home, and just two days in, I fainted and had a seizure. My sister rushed me to the hospital. I vaguely remember being asked if I consented to the baby being taken out. I said yes, and when I woke up, I had a 1.8kg baby next to me.

Did you have any prior knowledge or expectations about prematurity before this experience?

I knew nothing. No one at home had given birth to a premature baby or had a C-section before me. It was a learning experience for all of us.

ALSO READ: Born too soon: a personal journey through prematurity

NICU Realities

What was your first impression of the NICU? What surprised or overwhelmed you most?

I was worried about the number of little souls in the NICU. Our babies had different issues, but as mothers, we knew they had us. I was overwhelmed when I realised I wouldn’t be discharged with my baby. She had jaundice and had to be admitted. She wasn’t even 2kg yet. Leaving her broke me.

How did you bond with your baby in those early days?

I spoke to her, read to her and held her skin-to-skin every chance I got. I needed her to know that I was the same person who had been talking to her during pregnancy. Even in the NICU, I kept telling her everything would be okay. And with each day, I could feel she knew I was her mommy.

Were there any particular nurses, doctors, or moments that helped you feel less alone?

Definitely. I gave birth at a public hospital, but I chose not to focus on the negatives. The nurses were friendly and understood our individual situations. They helped me with expressing milk and advised me on what to eat and drink. They knew how important breastmilk was and encouraged us to try.

Mental Health and Advocacy

Did you experience guilt, fear, or grief during this time? How did you cope?

I felt a lot of guilt when I left the NICU after trying to feed her without success. I cried every day. My sister was there every step of the way, reminding me that things would get better. I had to trust that Ohana was getting the best help possible.

What myths or misconceptions about premature babies do you wish more people understood?

People say premature babies have developmental delays. While that can be true, they thrive when given the right support. It’s important to forget the myths and guide your baby through every milestone.

How did your support system shape your experience?

My sister and mother were incredible. They made sure I rested and focused on healing. Even now, they’re the greatest support for both me and Ohana. Their presence reminded me that family is everything.

Milestones and Joys

What was a moment that felt like a breakthrough?

There are many. When she was discharged from the NICU, it felt like she fought and won. As a three-year-old, she still has her baby talk, but since joining creche, she’s made huge progress. Being around other kids helps her form words and sentences. She’s brave in expressing herself.

How do you celebrate your baby’s progress, even when you may feel it is slow or uncertain?

I celebrate everything. Even when she finishes her food, I tell her she’s doing a great job. I don’t dwell on slow progress; I know she’ll get there. I remind myself she was born six weeks early, so everything is baby steps.

What does “strength” mean to you now, after this journey?

Strength is understanding that every baby’s journey is different. Being born prematurely is not her identity; it’s her strength. My strength is her.

Advice and Reflection

What do you wish someone had told you before or during this experience?

That even though a C-section heals over time, you’ll still feel random pain when it’s cold. You need to stay warm. It may not happen to everyone, but it helps to know.

What helped you advocate for your baby’s needs?

Speaking to other moms going through the same thing helped me a lot. A community of strong women who let you ask questions and offer guidance without judgement is so important.

What message would you share with other parents facing premature birth?

Your baby is stronger than you think. They may seem fragile to the world, but they’re not to you.

MUST READ: Prematurity Awareness Month: A Mother Shares How to Support NICU Moms

Looking Forward

How has this experience shaped your parenting style or outlook?

I have patience I never thought I’d have. When she cries at night, I’m never too exhausted for her. I understand her needs and maturity, and I show up for her.

Do you feel that Prematurity Awareness Month is understood or supported enough in South Africa?

No, it’s not. It’s not treated with the delicacy it deserves, especially in spaces where it could bring about change. More visibility is needed.

If your baby could read this one day, what would you want her to know about her beginning?

She was my strength personified. She fought for peace and health before she was born. I lost my baby sister to cancer when she [my daughter] was just three months old. Ohana came at the exact time she was meant to. Her timing was not premature. She helped me grieve. Her names were chosen with meaning: Owenkosi, given by God, and Ohana, our family. Even those we’ve lost are still here through her. Family means no one gets left behind or is ever forgotten. She is very special.

ALSO READ: A Guide to Zulu Baby Names: Celebrating Heritage, Meaning and Identity