Sex is one of the most common human experiences, yet it remains one of the most difficult to discuss openly. Conversations about sexual health are often framed around warnings, risks and consequences. Young people are taught about sexually transmitted infections, unplanned pregnancies and what can go wrong. Much less attention is given to intimacy, pleasure, communication and understanding how relationships shape wellbeing.
This tension was explored in a conversation between Amanda Rogaly, host and CEO of BabyYumYum, and Dr Mpume Zenda, an obstetrician, gynaecologist, sexologist and mother. Their discussion challenged the way sexual health is traditionally approached and highlighted why more honest conversations are needed throughout a woman’s life.
For many women, the silence begins early. Messages about sex are often rooted in caution, leaving little room for curiosity, understanding or confidence. The result is that many enter adulthood with limited knowledge of their own bodies and few tools for navigating intimacy.
The Incomplete Story of Sexual Health
According to Dr Zenda, society’s understanding of sexual health is often dominated by fear.
“When you ask people what they think of when they hear sexual health, they think HIV, sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancy,” she said.
Those concerns are important, but Dr Zenda believes they represent only part of the picture.
“I always say that stereotypes are not necessarily untrue, but they are an incomplete story. We focus on all the negative outcomes of sexual intimacy, but nobody wants to talk about the good stuff.”
This narrow focus can create the impression that sex is something to manage rather than understand. Pleasure, connection and communication are often treated as secondary concerns, despite being central to most intimate relationships.
Amanda observed that society has traditionally framed sex as something functional rather than enjoyable.
“We’ve always been told that sex is about procreation and having the next generation,” she said. “The pleasure side of it is what’s often missing from the conversation.”
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Why Women Struggle to Talk About Intimacy
The discussion explored how cultural expectations continue to shape women’s experiences of intimacy.
Many women grow up receiving messages that encourage modesty and restraint, but little guidance on how to understand their own desires or communicate their needs. By adulthood, this can make conversations about intimacy feel uncomfortable or even shameful.
“A lot of the time it’s because we’ve never been taught and given the language to be able to speak about sexual intimacy in a way that feels comfortable but appropriate,” Dr Zenda explained.
The consequences often extend beyond the bedroom. Difficulty communicating about intimacy can affect emotional connection, self-esteem and relationship satisfaction.
Dr Zenda believes this silence can leave women feeling disconnected from their own experiences.
“How do you tell a woman for the longest time, close your legs, go to school, and then suddenly expect her to switch and become invested in intimacy?” she asked.
The Role of Consent and Self-Advocacy
For Dr Zenda, conversations about sexual health should begin long before adulthood.
Many of the skills needed for healthy relationships are rooted in understanding consent, boundaries and bodily autonomy during adolescence.
“We are empowering this person to have agency for themselves and to be able to advocate for themselves regardless of the situation they find themselves in,” she said.
These lessons become particularly important during the teenage years, when young people are navigating relationships, peer pressure and significant emotional development.
Amanda noted that confidence often comes from understanding that personal boundaries deserve respect.
“That ability to stand in your own shoes and validate your decisions is incredibly powerful,” she said.
Contraception as a Tool for Choice
The conversation also addressed the stigma that continues to surround contraception.
While contraception is often discussed in terms of side effects and risks, Dr Zenda argued that it has fundamentally expanded women’s ability to make decisions about their futures.
“Contraception is not the villain,” she said.
According to Dr Zenda, the most important principle is choice. Different methods work for different women and no one should feel obligated to remain on a contraceptive that does not suit them.
“You are not married to any type of contraceptive,” she explained. “If it doesn’t sit well with you, we can change it.”
The discussion also touched on postpartum contraception, which forms an important part of family planning and maternal health.
“The hardest thing is feeling like having a child is something you didn’t have a choice about,” Dr Zenda said.
Why Men Need to Be Part of the Conversation
Another theme that emerged was the role men play in women’s health.
Historically, discussions about menstruation, pregnancy and sexual wellbeing have often excluded men. Dr Zenda believes this approach benefits no one.
“Men have families. They live within a community of women,” she said.
When men are left out of conversations about women’s health, opportunities for understanding and support are lost. By contrast, informed partners are often better equipped to navigate pregnancy, parenthood and intimacy alongside the women in their lives.
Amanda pointed out that many men want to be involved but do not always know how.
“How will they know if nobody has taught them?” she asked.
For Dr Zenda, inclusion begins with education and communication rather than assumptions about what men do or do not want to understand.
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Reframing Sexual Health
Throughout the conversation, one message remained consistent. Sexual health should not be reduced to the prevention of problems.
It is also about understanding bodies, building confidence, communicating effectively and creating healthy relationships.
“There is a science behind sexual intimacy,” Dr Zenda said. “A lot of the things that people struggle with can be understood, explained and improved.”
As public conversations about women’s health continue to evolve, Dr Zenda believes sexual wellbeing deserves a place alongside discussions about menstruation, pregnancy and menopause.
The challenge is not simply talking more about sex. It is talking about it differently.
By moving beyond fear-based narratives and creating space for honest conversations, women are better positioned to make informed decisions about their bodies, their relationships and their health.
WATCH THE FULL CONVERSATION IN THE YOUTUBE VIDEO BELOW:
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