How to survive the family holidays

Let’s be honest: parents look forward to the day when the kids can go back to school, where someone else resumes responsibility for keeping them occupied in daylight hours.

It’s time to reframe this narrative around feeling pressurised to keep children entertained while trying to unwind as an adult at the end of a busy year. How can we use this as an opportunity to connect – or even reconnect – the family, and make the upcoming holidays the stuff of lasting memories?

When I worked in schools, the first week back after the holidays was always a chance for the children to recount their trips to local holiday destinations, or around the world for the lucky ones. However, when I asked them about their holidays I made sure not to ask “where did you go?” or “did you have fun?”

Also read How to have a break during the holidays

Rather I asked “What was the best part of your holiday?”

More often than not the answer was simple, and insightful: “baking with Mom,” or “playing in the garden with Dad,” simple pursuits that spoke more about the value of connection rather than the value of lavish trips and fancy hotels.

Here lies the first message: these precious times where we can simply be with our children, doing simple things together, are the most impactful to them in terms of the connections and memories made. Here are some other important reminders:

• Your children will remember the board games, making pancakes, walks and shared meals because they spent those times with you. It’s not about things or experiences, it’s about time with their loved ones.
• Let’s reject the expectation that we are responsible for every minute of our children’s day. Their school terms are so full of activity, with early wake-ups, classes and all the “extras” that there’s no reason to feel the need to add to their schedules. The holidays are a time to slow down – for the whole family – and to put aside the calendar for a few weeks.
• Reintroduce your children to boredom. Devices, media and the pace of modern life have created a cycle of constant stimulation and instant gratification. We are so geared to having every minute filled with activity or scrolling that we’ve forgotten how to be at a loose end.
• Give your children the space and time to feel bored. See how they cope with it and see what activities they invent for themselves. Don’t rescue them from their boredom, give them opportunities and resources to scaffold their creativity.

Visit Holiday arts and crafts

• Reduce dependence on screentime. There’s nothing wrong with some time on the iPad or in front of the TV, but make sure it doesn’t become a mindless way to fill up a whole day. Role model things by distancing yourself from technology: read a book, do a puzzle, spend time outside. Better still, do it with them. Do things slowly. Give yourself permission to be a bit bored too. It’s refreshing to just sit and be.

You owe it to yourselves and your children to take advantage of relaxation time together. If they see you willing to relax and disconnect they will be more willing to slow down for a few weeks too. This doesn’t mean losing all routine, but it’s a great time to introduce some flexibility and spontaneity, to do something different and fun.

Most important, it’s a wonderful opportunity to spend time with your children without the pressures of the rest of the year. Don’t feel intimidated at the thought of filling up a few weeks of quiet and really lean into the chance to connect.

Click here for entertaining the kids this weekend without breaking the bank

How do you survive the family holidays? Tell us in comments below.