First Phone for Your Child? Here’s What You Need to Know

As a parent, I regret having given my kids fulltime access to their first phones. I wish I had been much stricter and that I had limited their screen time more. They only received their first phones when they turned 13. They weren’t allowed any social media until they were 14 and even then, they weren’t allowed access to all the social platforms. So, there were rules in place. Yet I wish my biggest rule had been around time usage. It’s the one area where I wasn’t strict enough and I think if I had been, their phone usage wouldn’t have been so all-consuming.

My advice to all parents:

• Don’t give in to giving your kids phones before they become teens.
• Don’t allow them access to social media until they can handle their lives with a sense of responsibility and caution.
• But most importantly, limit the amount of time they get to be on their phones.

The decision to give your child their first phone is a significant milestone, probably akin to their first day of school or learning to ride a bike. It’s a decision that involves balancing safety, social needs, and the potential risks associated with early and unrestricted phone use.

This guide will help you to put the right boundaries in place so that you don’t find yourself later regretting that you caved in to a phone-addicted adolescent.

WHEN IS THE RIGHT AGE?

There is no one-size-fits-all answer to when a child should get their first phone. My oldest is an introvert and seemed to use her phone more sensibly. My youngest is very sociable and quite reckless so I had more concerns about her access to social media.

Experts suggest that around the age of 12 to 13 is generally appropriate. This coincides with the transition to high school, where increased independence and the need for communication with peers and parents become more relevant.

Allowing your child unsupervised phone usage before they reach the age of 12 can affect their mental health. They are still vulnerable and lack the maturity to deal with cyberbullying and inappropriate content, which are both unfortunately hard to monitor as it is.

ALSO READ: Have you lost control of your digital habits? 

GET THEM PHONE-READY

When you’ve decided your child is ready for a phone, consider these steps:

Choose the right phone

Start with a basic phone with limited features. This can help your child to prepare for and get ready to deal with the responsibility of owning a phone without the distraction of numerous apps and games.

Set clear boundaries

Establish rules about when and where the phone may be used – this is where I so wish I had been much stricter. For example, no phones at the dinner table or during family time and setting a curfew for phone use in the evening. Make a very firm rule that your child cannot take their phone to bed with them.

Educate about safety and digital ‘stranger danger’

Teach your child about the importance of not sharing personal information online, recognising suspicious messages, and the potential dangers of interacting with strangers. Even at the age of 16, I continued to talk to my daughter about her privacy online and stranger danger.

Parental Controls

Use the phone’s built-in parental controls to limit app downloads, set screen time limits, and monitor their activity.

TEACHING TEENS HOW TO BE SOCIAL MEDIA SAVVY

Social media can be a double-edged sword. While it offers a platform for social interaction and learning, it also exposes children to risks like cyberbullying, peer pressure, and privacy concerns. In South Africa, a study by UNICEF found that 70% of teenagers have experienced some form of online bullying.

Use your parenting instincts, too. For example, I allowed my youngest to go onto TikTok when she was 14 going on 15, but about 6 months later, I didn’t like what I was seeing and hearing from her. She was sprouting risky trends which I know she was getting from the platform. I asked her to remove herself from TikTok and delete the app. Her behaviour improved.   

HERE ARE SOME GUIDELINES FOR WHEN AND HOW TO ALLOW SOCIAL MEDIA:

Wait until age 13

Most social media platforms require users to be at least 13 years old. This age limit is designed to protect younger children from the complex social dynamics and content found on these platforms.

Start with limited access

Allow your child to use social media under supervision. Start with platforms that are more age-appropriate and have robust privacy settings such as YouTube and Instagram.

Set Privacy Settings

Ensure your child’s account settings are set to private. Teach them to be cautious about who they accept as friends and to avoid sharing personal information.

Regular check-ins

Have regular conversations about your child’s online experiences. Encourage them to share any uncomfortable or troubling interactions. I am more vigilant than ever with my teen. If I suspect anything risky is going on, I immediately talk to her about it.

SO, WHAT IS APPROPRIATE AND WHEN?

It is imperative to balance phone use with other everyday activities as this plays a role in your child’s development.

Here are some tips to help you keep their phone habits in line:

Screen time limits

The recommendation is no more than one to two hours of screen time per day for children aged 6 years and older. This includes time spent on phones, tablets, and computers.

Encourage offline activities

Get your child doing physical activities, reading, and hobbies that don’t involve screens. This helps to maintain a healthy balance between their online and offline life.

No phones in the bedroom

To ensure a good night’s sleep, enforce a no-phone policy in the bedroom, especially at night. Use a central charging station in a common area to keep devices overnight. Make sure this rule sticks in childhood and they will use it for life.

Lead by Example

Children often mimic their parents’ behaviour so it goes without saying that we parents should model healthy phone habits by limiting our own screen time and engaging in non-digital activities with our children.

Deciding when to give your child their first phone and how to manage their usage is a personal decision that depends on your child’s maturity and your family’s needs. If your goal is to empower your child to use technology as a tool for learning and communication while protecting them from its potential pitfalls, then you’re on the right path to helping them develop healthy phone habits for life.

NEXT READ: Keeping kids safe online: the best apps for parental control

When did you give your child their first phone? Tell us in comments below.