Advice for parents on how to raise children in a digital world filled with screen time, the Internet, apps and social media like Tik Tok. Our expert advisors answer questions like, “How much screen time should I allow my child?”, and “How to keep kids safe on the Internet”.
A whopping 84% of parents worldwide are worried about their kids’ online safety, according to the latest survey* commissioned by Kaspersky and conducted by the market research company Savanta. Despite this, the report shows that globally, on average, parents only spend a total of 46 minutes talking to their children about online security through their entire childhood.
Comments Riaan Badenhorst, General Manager of Kaspersky in Africa: “Although these are global figures, I feel that this situation is likely mirrored in the local market and something that needs attention to change. With the digital world expanding continuously offering opportunities that cannot be ignored, we tend to be quick on the uptake of exposing children to all things digital, to support their schooling requirements and recreational activities. However, we should not lose sight of the fact that the digital world is also a dangerous playground, filled with bullies and strangers that just like in the real world, pose risk to children.”
“… we should not lose sight of the fact that the digital world is also a dangerous playground, filled with bullies and strangers that just like in the real world, pose risk to children.”
Using technology has quickly become the daily norm. Not only is the working world tech-reliant but globally the education sector is evolving towards more tech-related learning – meaning that children today need to understand how to use technology to successfully get through their schooling career.
It’s not surprising then that the Kaspersky survey found that of the respondents, more than 9 in 10 children between 7 to 12 years of age globally now have an Internet-enabled device, smartphone or tablet. Naturally, and considering this reality, children’s privacy and security online are becoming one of the parents’ most prominent concerns – but what are parents doing about it?
Over and above these, there is also the concern of cyberbullying – which is particularly relevant in the local market.
Adds Badenhorst, “In the local market, we are hearing more about cases of a loss of life due to suicide as a result of cyberbullying. Having children of my own, this is a harsh reality that I am very concerned about and especially considering that a 2018 report, by research company Ipsos Global Advisor, shows that among 28 countries South Africa showed the highest prevalence of cyberbullying.”
CHECK OUT: Are South African Children Safe Online? What Parents Must Know
Parents and/or guardians need to take the time to explain the dangers of the Internet and teach their children at consistent intervals about safe Internet habits and practices. While globally 81% of parents say it is a joint responsibility between parents and schools to teach children about online safety, 86% believe that parents are better positioned to undertake this important teaching as children generally trust them more.
Dr Tertia Harker, a social worker with a Doctorate in Psychology in private practice in Johannesburg, Cape Town and Durban, says, “Today people look to technology as much more than a series of tools that can be used to complete certain tasks. In fact, for many people technology has become so integrated into every facet of their lives that it is viewed as a ‘lifeline’ that people feel they cannot live without – and content people are consuming through the use of technology affects their view of self.
“Essentially, people are looking to technology and the world around them to fill an internal void – and children are particularly sensitive to this as they are still very innocent and rely on feedback from the world around them to begin to form their view of self and the world.”
“While schools are and will continue to play a key role in supporting the education of online safety, ultimately this is a task and duty that parents/guardians should be driving forward and taking very seriously. We do unfortunately have to accept that the Internet allows children to encounter content we never want them to see and while we know how difficult it is to sometimes talk about these concerns with children, if parents/guardians feel uncomfortable or not well equipped to do this, there are various resources available to support them and that they should look to leverage on,” suggests Badenhorst.
“A 2018 report, by research company Ipsos Global Advisor, shows that among 28 countries South Africa showed the highest prevalence of cyberbullying.”
*To learn more about the most common fears, threats, experiences, and tactics when it comes to Internet safety for children, click here to download the full report.
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Wondering at what age should you buy your child a smartphone? Discover expert tips, safety advice, and signs your child is ready.
Earlier this year BabyYumYum.co.za partnered with SA Mom blogs for the SA Parenting Blog Awards 2022, with the aim to recognise and reward great writing in the parenting space. The initiative was supported by Ackermans and there was an incredible R20 000 in cash up for grabs.
Parenting blogs are among the fastest-growing sectors of niche content on the Internet, and for good reason. Parents need to read these personal stories – whether purely for entertainment, for educational purposes or to find solace in shared experiences – to feel like they aren’t alone.
Our judges, Terrance Mentor, Kate Macfarlane, Salamina Mosese, Crystal-Donna Roberts and Sonya Naude, went through over 320 entries and were blown away by the quality of the submissions. Congratulations to all the bloggers who entered – thank you for sharing your stories and experiences and we encourage you to enter again next year.
So, let’s get on to those winners…
Rebecca Badrodin: In These Stilettos for 15 Minute Meals: Beef with Broccoli
Teresa Ulyate – Cupcakes and Couscous for Apple Crumble Cupcakes
Mapalo Makhu – Woman & Finance for The Best Investments to Make in your 20’s and 30’s. and 2022 Will Be What You Make It.
Zeenah Rahim – Mother of 7 for The grocery budget plug
Aisha O’Reilly – Aisha & Life for How to Save and Start Investing for Beginners.
Blog excerpt: As always, I’m no money expert. I’m still learning with all of you. But what’s always worked for us is when we agree on a goal, and no matter what, stick to it and keep saving until we reach it. It’s important to know where we’re saving our money.
Luchae Williams – My Spreadsheet Brain for It’s beginning to look a lot like…
Kirsten Nel – The Bird & The Beard for Marriage Hacks to Survive Children
Amy Lalouette – Mommy’s Off Her Meds for A Walking, Talking Blessing in Disguise.
Blog excerpt: When I later related the story to the Best Friend she nodded sagely. “There’s only one way to deal with this; you need to find a child who behaves even worse than yours and has a mother who is more incompetent than you.”
“That’s the problem! There are no children worse, or mothers more incompetent! My child is that child! And I am that mother!”
Without missing a beat the Best Friend said, “That’s wonderful! Think of what a blessing you are to all the moms around you. You make them feel so much better about themselves. That’s an awesome thing to do for others!”
Tamlin Wightman – With Child & I for 37 weeks of your heart beating beside mine
Tracey Stelloh – Kaydence (Helping moms keep their rhythm) for How a weighted blanket took a weight off my shoulders
Waheeda Joosab – What Wayd Says for The Key to Self Love
Blog excerpt: You don’t need to feel particularly powerful at all times in order to love yourself. Just think about all you have done, how far you have come, how you survived. Being here, right now, is all that you need. Self-love does not happen overnight and it does not stick with you effortlessly. You have to work on it and, with time, it will settle itself into your heart. Be patient with yourself, be consistent in your mindset and, pretty soon, you will be in love with YOU.
Mponeng Mokoena – Ari’s Mom for I tell my daughter she is beautiful
Kirsten Nel – The Bird & the Beard for I’m an Average Mom and I don’t give a S***
Blog excerpt: When my child takes aim and throws a book at his brother’s head, I’m not going to whisper sweet nothings to calm him down, but I’m also not going to wallop him into next Tuesday.
I’ll probably veer wildly between parenting styles in the space of a few minutes, upsetting the child, myself and the dog, pray to God that nobody is watching me but wondering where my village is to help me.
Then, at the end of the day, I’ll sit quietly amidst the chaos and sip my wine, convinced that I’m going to be the reason my child grows up to be a drug dealer.
It seems that I can’t win, with myself or my kids or the Facebook parenting groups.
And I guess that’s just the way it’s going to be. Sorry, kids – you got stuck with an average mom. But you know what? I have a sneaky suspicion I’m not the only one, amiright?
Lisa Trollip – Forts & Fairies We keep on keeping on (Durban Floods 2022)
Unathi Mbonambi – Our Kinda Family for The grass is greener where it’s watered
Tamlin Wightman – With Child & I for Dear Baby
Blog excerpt: In two days, we will have The Scan. The Scan that will tell us whether we can start the gardening, building, baking… the making of you, baby. When the time is right, Dr Tam Tam and your mom, and the sperm of a man whom we know is tall, and has no genetic diseases, will come together in the not so romantic setting of a hospital bed in a tiny room on the second floor of a building in Wilderness Road. Wilderness Road, that’s a name meant for us. And so it will begin.
Judy Macgregor – Fun Mama SA for 22 Rainy Day Activities to Keep the Kids Busy
Rebecca Badrodin – In These Stilettos for Sensory Play: Easy DIY Dinosaur Eggs
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Lindall Atkins – Nwabisa’s Little Things for The Swing Makeover (also DIY Advent Activity Calendar)
Blog excerpt: Growing up, primary colours and play sets went together like PB & J. These days we’ve learnt that kids play things don’t have to be an ugly eyesore in our garden. They can be bright, they can be monochrome, they can be anything we like. It is possible that a kids playset be both fun and beautiful. Here’s how I gave an old swing set a modern makeover that my kids…and I, love.
Susann Deysel – Living Our Sunshine for We Stayed at the Castle in Clarens
Sara Essop – In Africa & Beyond for A Delightful Family Safari at Mabula Game Lodge
Marie Louise Candiotes – Just a Mamma for Pet Friendly Accomodation South Africa: Tegwaan Country Getaway
Katiso Dumo – OT Boy Mamma Kat for this post and this post.
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Loads of potential – keep up the great work! Sonya Naude
Shante Hutton – Rose & Thorns for this post.
Aisha O’Reilly – Aisha & Life for this post.
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Aisha’s a pro – copy & pics complement each other perfectly to deliver a powerful message. Sonya Naude
Caitie Moore – Thoresby Cottage for this post and this post.
We always love a good hack – the ribbon reel is genius! Sonya Naude
Firdows – Miss Mommy Blog for this post and this post.
She gets us! Such fun videos and reels. You go girl! Sonya Naude
Shante Hutton – Rose & Thorns for Eat, sleep, snack, repeat
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Genius! So well thought out – and honestly, it was the dinos that clinched it for me. Sonya Naude
Kate Botha – Wearing all my hats for Made to Need You and Life Update.
Lindall Atkins – Nwabisa’s Little Things for A Mommy and Me Valentine’s Day Playdate and DIY Tooth Fairy Starter Kit.
Tamlin Wightman – With Child & I for Your Birth Day and The Phone Call.
Crisp writing, beautiful turn of phrases, nice pace. What a pleasure to read Tamlin’s extraordinary journey to motherhood. What I loved is the intimacy she created with her choice of words – a touching blog overall. Sonya Naude
And now for that R10 000 winner!
Mari-Louise Candiotes – Just A Mama for Secondary Infertility Support – When there’s no rainbow at the end of the storm and Groovy Princess Poppy Trolls Birthday Party Plus Free Printables
Blog excerpt: This post is written from my heart. The heart of a mother that knows loss and disappointment as we’ve walked the path of trying to conceive for the past 4 years. We’ve gone through treatments, surgery, diets, supplements, every fertility kit, and ovulation test and now find ourselves on the other side. We may not be a baby richer but that doesn’t mean this journey hasn’t been fruitful. I am writing this post to offer secondary infertility support to other women that may be experiencing the same because it’s easy to talk about the storm while cradling your rainbow baby but not having that rainbow doesn’t make YOU or the road you have traveled any less worthy or important.
According to 54% of our readers[1], the golden rule is that screen time is a privilege that can only be earned by completing homework and chores, while 39% say they limit screen time in their homes – to anything from 20 minutes to 2 hours.
“As we navigate the digital world, it’s important that we remain mindful of how we use technology to enhance our experience and connections – unlocking its benefits in the home, while protecting our loved ones at the same time,” says Michelle Wynne, Head of Marketing for Sub Sahara Africa at HMD Global, the home of Nokia phones.
On behalf of BabyYumYum.co.za, Karabo Mokoena from Black Mom Chronicles recently hosted an Instagram Live chat with Michelle Wynne, where they discussed the tools and tricks to ensure our parenting community is empowered to make the most of their children’s screen time.
Key considerations include:
Thirty five percent (35%) of readers referenced that screen time went hand-in-hand with learning and educational purposes. While this supports mindful use, it’s important to remember that learning also takes place when our children play – as long as it’s joyful, iterative, meaningful, actively engaging, and socially interactive experiences.
Don Dinnematin, HMD Global ambassador, and father of three and an award-winning blogger, reiterated the latter; “The often untold value of technology is when we use it together, like watching a movie or playing a game as a family. It provides a collective experience and can facilitate communication beyond the content viewed.”
Apps like Duolingo ABC’s Learn to Read and Google Kids Space are designed specifically to help children learn, play, discover, create, and grow in a safe and easy-to-use environment. Duolingo ABC is a fun and effective way for your child to learn to read and write in English, with bite-sized lessons about the alphabet and vocabulary, among others. While Google Kids Space, a trusted kid’s mode that has quality content such as apps, books and videos recommended based on the interests children choose, and is approved and hand-picked by teachers and experts. It works with the child’s Google Account, which parents can help manage with Family Link parental controls. Through the Family Link app, parents can guide their children’s experience by managing content and setting screen time limits through their own device.
Playing and learning together also gives parents and guardians an opportunity see what younger children are doing, what games they’re playing, and who they are talking to. It will help ensure that the games, apps and platforms used are from reputable sources, and enable parents and guardians to moderate content, settings and features so that children can enjoy the benefits of the vast online world, without the associated risks.
These guidelines shouldn’t only be in place for young children, they should also apply to teenagers – and adults should set the example.
“Kids do what you do instead of what you say, so if you say screen time is over for them it should also be over for you as well,” says Ntombomzi ‘Bomzi’ Lekgoro, DJ, celebrity hairstylist, HMD Global ambassador and mom.
Rules will differ from family to family but can include determining how long family members are allowed to use technology and the Internet or play games each day, as well as any sites, apps or platforms that may be off-limits and why.
It’s also important to highlight the need to keep personal information private – and to help younger family members by teaching them to ask for permission before sharing personal information with others. Assist them in creating strong passwords or PINs to protect their devices and online accounts. All family members need to be vigilant, but it’s particularly critical for children who may not be aware of the risks.
Most devices and technology today come with software, security and safety tools built-in to help protect users, like security patches, firewalls and antiviruses. This also includes family safety tools to block harmful content, manage the sites children visit and their time online, filter violent or explicit content, and monitor contacts, and used together they offer extra protection.
It’s vital to boost these defenses where possible and keep all software up-to-date.
“At HMD Global, we have worked to ensure that our Nokia T20 tablet ticks all these boxes to help family members of any age work, learn and play with a tablet designed to last. It is packed with innovative and accessible features you and your children will love.” says Michelle.
It not only features two years of operating system updates and three years of security updates, it has been designed, built and tested to last, with a longer battery life to power up to seven hours of online meetings, 10 hours of movies or 15 hours of surfing the web. Its durability, versatility and lasting battery life not only help navigate the world as adults, but also help to get in some extra hours for their children to learn new skills in a fun, easy-to-navigate way – also featuring Google Kids Space.
With the right tools and approach, technology can add value to our children’s lives and offer moments to connect, learn and enjoy periods of escapism that is second to none.
“Balance for your family will look different than it will for your neighbour because every family is unique and parenting styles and values vary. In general, though, if your family can reap the benefits of technology without feeling many of the potentially harmful effects and you feel confident in how your children are using technology, you’ve likely found balance,” adds Don.
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[1] Based on 233 reader responses to a survey question on Baby Yum Yum’s Facebook page 3 August 2022.
TAKE A LOOK AT: Tech and Teenagers – 10 Screen-Time Rules That Work for South African Parents
South Africa has just taken the global lead in child screen time, with kids averaging 9 hours and 24 minutes a day, almost three hours …
As much as we KNOW that it’s better for kids to be climbing trees outside than watching Peppa Pig, we also need to get REAL and appreciate that us parents need a break – to make the dinner; to have a phone call; to not parent for a short time of the day or to drink our G&T without the short people talking to us. The truth is, when our kids are little, we, the parents, often need the screen for our kids more than our kids need the screen. And that’s ok.
While there are guidelines as to the what/when and how much screens our little ones should watch, we know that no matter what is on the screen, turning it off is likely to cause a meltdown of epic proportions. So how do we allow some parent time out without causing World War Three when it’s time to turn off?
Here are some tried and tested methods from screen experts, Sarah and Pam (who also happen to be parents) at Klikd:
Sign up to Klikd’s “First Device” Mini Downloadable Workshop. This workshop gives you everything you need to know when it comes to managing your kids and their screens (from setting appropriate boundaries, setting up the device for safety and actual scripts you can use to avoid the power struggle.
It’s made up of 4 x short 15 minute videos that you can watch in your own time and comes along with a First Device Contract for you and your child, safety guides and so much more! Sign up HERE.
My toddler’s favourite item in the house must be my phone, we co-own it.
Not sure when she figured it all out, but she can navigate the smartphone like a pro, from YouTube kids to answering the phone and playing her favourite songs, the other day I had to apologize to my WhatsApp contacts for the unclear voice notes she sent.
As a parent, I feel bad for too much screen time but on the other hand, she has learned so much independently and continues to learn.
My 4-year-old daughter only started school 2020, but during the lockdown, she was home with us for most of the time and we try to do activities to stimulate her inquisitive mind in between virtual meetings. But to be honest, in most cases, she is on my phone watching cartoons and sing-alongs on YouTube kids and I was surprised at how much she has learned over this period, to the extent that we got her a smartphone that she can use, we do monitor and have parental control for safety reasons.
Also see: Screen time: how much is too much? Expert digital parenting advice
We have seen that she has developed a lot of educational skills when it comes to language use, social interaction, colours, maths skills, and a lot more for a toddler not forgetting to mention drama skills, she imitates everything they do.
These are some of the things we have picked up from her:
As parents, we are sometimes concerned that she is spending so much time on her phone and try to monitor her and introduce other things that she can do to entertain and learn at the same time. We have also thought of investing in a much bigger tablet, which is easier on the eyes.
To ensure the safety of their child online, parents must install parent control apps to be able to monitor and restrict certain content from being viewed by their kids. This may be content that you feel is inappropriate for their age.
Ensure your child’s safety on YouTube kids with these 5 easy steps.
Step 1-. Once you’re in the app, tap on the padlock icon in the bottom right to set up the parental controls.
Step 2- Choose a set time limit to set a timer for your child. They can only watch videos for that amount of time. After that, the app will be locked.
Step 3– In the Padlock menu again tap on Settings and then tap on the home screen age level, there you can choose the age of your child which will restrict the videos they can watch.
Step 4-Still in the settings tap on the switch to turn on Pause history. This will prevent the app from using the videos that your child has watched to suggest new ones, in case any inappropriate videos are watched, this prevents new inappropriate videos from being recommended.
Step 5– If you do see a video that you want to report and isn’t suitable, tap on the three dots as the video is playing and you’ll be given options to block that video or report it.
“Please can I have TikTok”, said every eight year old, everywhere!
Unless you are living under a rock, it’s TikTok around the clock in every house with kids, tweens and teens all over the world. But should you as parents be worried about your kids being on the most visited internet site of 2022? Why is it so darn popular and is it even possible to use it safely? Here is what you need to know.
‘Pleeeez all my friends have got it”, is the dinner time soundtrack so many parents have come to dread. It is usually followed by incessant nagging, bargaining (“it’s only videos with music mom”, “I won’t post mom, I just want to look at the baking mom”)… and, of course, ultimately the temper tantrum that makes you throw your hands in the air and surrender. And while the App has been set up so that users need to be 13 to enjoy the full TikTok experience, we are aware of the huge popularity of this app amongst tweens and young kids.
So what makes it all so darn appealing? Simply stated, it has the constant element of surprise. There is the ‘for you’ section of trending videos based on your interests, and its short format caters to our kids’ short attention spans and wish to be instantly gratified with something ‘new’ all the time.
The other factor is that it appears quite easy for ordinary kids to achieve ‘TikTok fame’. Gone are the days of ‘I want to be doctor, hairdresser or marine biologist’ – the most desired profession recently researched in tweens appears to be that of an online influencer! And TikTok makes it look like that is possible for each and every one of its viewers. It takes only a few minutes of scrolling on TikTok for our eight-year-olds to flick their hair like Charli D’Amelio, dance like Addison Rae, and smile coyly like “The Yeet Baby” – all ordinary teens who achieved fame and huge wealth from TikTok.
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Copying the moves and mouths of a few teen stars is a given. And, of course, that leads to our little ones uploading hundreds of their own cute dances. And these we know are often very sexualised dances that our kids may or may not do intentionally. What is clear is that they hope their moves will draw the ‘likes’ and affirmation that TikTok provides. In turn, that creates a craving for more likes and more affirmation and pretty soon it can be out of control.
So while TikTok is a creative outlet that allows kids to be themselves and be authentic, as opposed to the often extremely filtered and highly curated content on Instagram, or the hotbed of hate and sexy streaks that can easily be found on Snap Chat, the 12+ age-restriction is there for a reason that goes beyond just how addictive it is designed to be.
All the concerns we have about social media apply to Tiktok – predators go where children hang out, and this is the playground of the digital age. With all the lip-synching and lip gloss, our children are often oblivious to just how inviting they look to creepy people online.
And if not a predator, just a complete stranger commenting on your child’s latest dance routine can expose her to fat-shaming, racist comments and trolling.
“I won’t let her post anything, surely that’s safe”, we hear you say. Of course, that is one step up on the emotional safety barometer but it is clear that they will still be watching whatever comes their way. And boy does some serious stuff come their way:
We could go on and on. And then the fact that your child can get paid for pictures of her feet, underwear, sports bra… tempting for any child looking to make some extra pocket money.
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So given all of the ‘bad stuff’ on TikTok, can it still be used safely? How do you as parents navigate this tricky terrain without being an ogre, but still making sure your favourite short people are safe and responsible online?
TikTok actually does a much better job of providing safety features than most other social media apps! For a quick run-down on how to implement them check out this helpful guide.
With the above in mind, here are FOUR SIMPLE ‘To Dos’ before letting your child go down the TikTok rabbit hole:
Do it with them – it’s an old child trick to say you are 13 when you are not to get around downloading an age-restricted app. A birth date indicating your child is 8 will keep their ‘for you page’ much more sanitised – children may not like this, but it could be a good compromise. It will also directly disable direct messaging, which means your child won’t be receiving DM’s from strangers.
From ‘accidental’ porn, to creepy predators, and dangerous challenges, and about the type of content they should and shouldn’t be posting. For some really great conversation starters on these ‘hard to talk about’ topics check out KLIKD’s free downloadable eBook.
The app allows parents to link their own accounts to their child’s, to enable a very comprehensive set of content and privacy settings, such as creating a private account, restricting content types and setting time limits. Parents can also choose whether their kids’ account can be liked, commented on and recommended to others. Through Family Pairing, parents can also turn off messaging, or restrict who can send direct messages to their child (Direct Messaging is automatically disabled for teens under 16). The KLIKD guide explains how to set up Family Pairing.
Explain that you will never be angry with them for telling you and that you won’t just remove their device if they tell you. Instead, you will discuss what they saw to make sense of it together. Ultimately, our goal as parents is to empower our kids to recognise what is healthy content and what is not.
ALSO READ: At what age should you buy your child a smartphone? Expert advice
We can’t hold them back from the digital age and giving them the tools to manage their digital world is far more valuable than removing them from it all together. The KLIKD App has loads of interactive video quizzes, WhatsApp simulations and live interviews that keep our kids engaged as they upskill themselves to be their best selves in the digital world. Check out the KLIKD app by clicking HERE
In the season of giving, our children can’t wait to open their beautifully-wrapped Christmas presents. They look at every shape under the tree and play guessing games about the contents. When we wrap our children’s gifts, it takes careful planning.
Buying a remote-controlled car? We include the batteries. Got them the roller-skates? We make sure to add the elbow and knee guards. Wrapping the bicycle? We definitely include the safety gear, and especially the helmet. If this is their first bicycle, we may even add the training wheels to ensure that their first experience is good.
This year, as the years before, many of our children will be unwrapping a smartphone or a tablet. We want them to participate in and experience the digital world, but how will we adequately prepare them for this new online journey? In the same way we would’ve done if we had to teach them to ride their new bicycle?
Comparing our own learning to ride a bike with teaching our children to be safer online is difficult. Growing up, our parents taught us what to look out for when we first got onto our bikes. Their parents taught them. Generations of advice being passed down. As parents though, we did not grow up in the same online world that our children need to navigate. Our parents may not have even known about smartphones when we were born. We need to consider the online road they are traveling on, the type of device they are driving, how your child is equipped to deal with potential danger, and the type of protection we need to offer.
Different roads have different rules. Our children know that, when they ride their bicycle in the park, they have to look out for pedestrians and perhaps some smaller children crossing their path unexpectedly. In contrast, when they’re riding their bike to school, they have to be more aware of traffic and follow all the road signs, be aware of traffic lights and obey the rules. They also know that not following these rules has consequences and that they can get badly hurt.
When they’re traveling on their digital road, they have to understand the “look left, look right, look left again” basics, but they also have to know that different apps have different rules. When chatting in an online game’s chatroom, they should apply the same rules as a simple chat app like WhatsApp: don’t give out personal information, don’t talk to strangers. But using apps like Snapchat or Tik Tok where photos or videos are exchanged, they will be expected to follow a different rulebook.
With their first bicycle, we would check that the training wheels are screwed on tight and that the brakes of the bike work, right?
Whether they are using a child-friendly phone that was manufactured with online safety in mind, an Apple or an Android-based device (such as Samsung or Huawei), the starting point is always to ensure that the device-specific settings are set in the most protective way. This can include screen time management, some parental controls, and content filters.
We spend hours teaching our children how to ride their bikes. Holding on to the bicycle at first, then only to the seat and eventually giving them the freedom to go at it alone.
In cyberspace, we are going on a road trip, but sometimes we won’t be sitting next to them.
Fact is, with your child in the driver’s seat of his or her phone, we have to ensure that they can go some distances on their own. Talk openly to them about what they see, how they experience their online worlds, and how to dodge the potholes on the way.
Keeping them safer in this world means reinventing the way we educate them about cyber safety and, even then, monitoring what they are exposed to, but in a way that also protects their privacy.
As parents, we have to use the full ecosystem of protection. Education from parents and teachers and online resources from experts in cyber safety can go a long way. Making sure that the correct screen time and parental controls are applied is an essential layer and the free solutions are as good as some of the paid versions – give it a try.
So when equipping them with their arm and knee guards, ensure they always wear their cyber safety helmet – FYI play it safe. FYI play it safe is not a parental control app, but rather a complementary layer of added security where parents are kept informed of potentially harmful situations like cyberbullying, talking to strangers/predators, depression, self-harm, suicide, or when they engage in adult content such as pornography, sexting or anything drug-related.
Cyber-smart parenting is about watching them mountain biking on a single-track downhill at a ridiculous speed, but with the certainty that they are protected and are less likely to get hurt if they fall.
It is about building better relationships with our children, where we have the information to discuss actual difficult situations they encounter, rather than hypothetical scenarios. Where our guidance actively influences the content they search for, post, and like on social media. Where we have the opportunity to guide them on who they accept as friends or which messages on chats they react to and more importantly, how they respond.
Safety, whether physical, emotional, psychological, or in cyberspace isn’t expensive. It’s priceless.
Musician Danny K has spoken publicly about his wife Lisa Koppel’s three-year battle with colorectal cancer, sharing her story to raise awareness about the importance …
Journalists, educators, and parents are quick to blame social media for the increase in mental health issues in our children. Phrases like ‘mental health crisis,’ are thrown about in the news as if the only thing that would solve our children’s problems is the immediate ban of all smartphones or, better yet, the creation of self-combusting phones.
The latest academic research coming out of the Oxford Internet Institute suggests that there is currently insufficient evidence to warrant our global panic about screens and our teens!
In simple language: social media cannot be proven to be the cause of this “mental health crisis.”
On the surface of this research is what looks like a logical equation – the increase in mental health issues has occurred pretty much at the same time that social media and smartphones were being adopted by Gen Z.
Simply stated, because there is a relationship between screen adoption and our kids’ mental wellbeing, it appears that one (the screens) caused the other (a rise in childhood depression, anxiety, suicide rates). Nope!
There is no doubt that the arrows are connected – but in this relationship we don’t know what comes first… do kids with poor mental health gravitate more towards screens or do the screens cause the demise in our tweens’ mental wellbeing?
At KLIKD, we like to think that technology is one of many of the ingredients that go into the recipe called ‘poor mental health’, in the same way that diet is only one aspect of poor physical health.
Dr Kristy Goodwin, a leading researcher in the field of device impact, words it well when she says that the screens are not so much the cause of poor teen mental health but rather, they create what she terms ‘the displacement effect.’
What does the displacement effect mean? It means our basic psychological and physical needs are being shaped and displaced by technology and it’s this displacement, rather than the screens in and of themselves that affect the decline in mental health.
Displacement, a psychological term, is really just a fancy way of saying that the use of screens comes at an opportunity cost. Technology presents our young people with some form of loss when they are on the screen – from the obvious to the less obvious – exercise, engagement, practicing real-life bumps and how to bounce back in those hard-to-manage moments.
The cost comes when our kids don’t know how to respond to an unkind comment in real life, how to have an argument and survive it (rather than simply blocking someone) and how to assert yourself when you want to take a stand.
There are five main opportunity costs that we have to consider when exploring device usage and mental health in teens. So, what are the biggies?
Our teens and tweens (especially in the time of Covid) are all too quick to tell us how screens are the way they are connecting and relating – but it doesn’t allow for what we at KLIKD call “deep-dive relating”.
Relationships online don’t allow for that space of rubbing shoulders in a movie; actual touch; that feeling when someone opens a door for you at school or looks at you across a room; or holding a real-life conversation where you apologise to someone and look them in the eye or ask them to walk home with you after school.
Young or old, disrupted sleep is a killer if you are trying to sustain mental health. No bonus points for working that one out, right? It is not only the blue light emitted from screens, which hampers the production of melatonin (a much needed sleep-inducing chemical), but also, and often more importantly, the content usually consumed on screens serves to wire the brain as opposed to putting it in a restful state
Yes – we, the adults in our children’s lives, are displaced by our screen and our teens need us. Our teens, despite all that they say to the contrary, crave our connection and time. When we are on a screen all day, we become one of their opportunity costs.
Opportunities for physical movement are also being displaced by technology. Movement boosts serotonin, the feel-good chemical, sunshine boosts vitamin D levels and regulates our sleep rhythm – all pretty critical to optimum health.
Alone time is so crucial to finding out who you are. When we have the option of filling all blank space with a Netflix movie, we forget how to work out what we are feeling and when we are feeling it. Bored is the default kid feeling, but there are so many feelings underneath that emotion that have to be discovered.
Of course not. Download our free Klikd Top Ten Tips on Preventing Screen-Induced Anxiety and Depression to see how much of a contributing factor social media really is to your screenager’s moodiness/anxiety/stress/anger/sadness.
This 10-step checklist provides practical ways to assess this and helps you and your screenager get the best out that little rectangular device that’s forever in their hands.
Recognising their own online vulnerabilities (what makes them feel good, what makes them feel bad, what makes them distracted vs focused etc, and what they can do when they feel that way), is one of the most important 21st century skills you can give your children.
The Klikd App teaches your teen how to recognise his/her own online vulnerabilities and quips them with practical skills to implement in the ever-changing online world. Check it out on www.klikd.co.za/the-app
After our last disastrous 18 months, more than ever parents are pulling their hair out asking for guidance on “how much is enough” when it comes to screen time. Ten minutes of YouTube for a 3-year-old and 50 minutes fighting to get it back results in complete exhaustion, lots of tears and big patches of empty space where mom has pulled her last locks out.
And as much as we know that it’s better for kids to be climbing trees outside than to be sitting on an iPad, we also need to get real and appreciate that:
When it comes to screens and kids/teens, the number 1 feeling most parents have is of being totally overwhelmed. But there’s some good news: we’re going to keep things uncomplicated with KLIKD’s fresh new approach to time online!
When parents first started worrying about the effects of screens on kids, the clever folks at the American Academy of Pediatrics stepped in with recommendations (0-18 months – no screen time at all; 18 to 24 months – no screen time except for video chatting; and 2 to 5 years – an hour or less of screen time per day). Other researchers across the globe have also produced specific guidelines around children’s chronological age BUT…
Experts across the board (including the original above-mentioned clever people at the American Academy of Paediatrics) have recognised that universal screen time limits per age are no longer practical given our increasingly digital world (not to mention lockdown and remote learning). These guidelines have never been scientifically validated and also do not take into account different types of children and different types of “screens” (some kids may turn into monsters after 45 minutes of playing on an iPad and others may remain unphased).
While we are NOT saying you shouldn’t make rules around how much screen time you allow your child, we are saying that we don’t need to fret as much about the specific amount of time based on age. Instead, KLIKD recommends parents focus on two main concepts:
1. Priorities. What is the screen replacing?
2. What, When and Where? What is being watched, where is it being watched and when is the watching taking place?
The most important question to ask yourself as a parent when your kids use a screen is “What is the opportunity cost?” This means, “what is the screen displacing?” Is the screen causing your child to miss out on important developmental activities”?
Consider what your kids are missing out on when they’re online: two hours spent watching TV is two hours not spent playing outdoors, riding bikes, or reading a book. What are they not doing as a result of being on a digital device?
Kids have seven basic, unchanging developmental needs (relationships/attachments, language, sleep, play, physical movement, nutrition and executive function skills) and before we make space for the screen, we have to ensure that screens aren’t eroding or displacing opportunities for these basic needs to be met.
For little kids, this is a judgement call you as a parent have to make on your own, but as soon as your child is old enough to participate and understand this conversation, sit down with them and explain that just as a car needs petrol, a clean engine, oil and good tyres to run at performance, so too do our bodies and brains need certain things to run at optimum.
Ask your child what things they believe they really need to keep them at feeling their best -help them, through discussion, to realise it is exercise, playdates, school time, healthy food, study time, special treat times with you, sleep and, of course, some screen time. Acknowledge that you are happy to have screen time as part of their day as long as all the other things are going to be a part of their day too.
Once a child can a have fair and reasonable conversation (from about the age of seven onwards) you should be able to have a more meaningful, rational conversation with them. Explaining that every one of these things has to fit into the day means you are not bargaining, you are accommodating! Four hours on Roblox means that there might not be enough time for a playdate and sport and bath time. So how can you fit everything in, in the right proportions?
Plan for screentime together… work it out together so that you and your child are clear that screentime is part of a day, not all of a day. Once you have decided how it’s going to fit into their routine (maybe just after bath time and before supper during the week and two hours on a Saturday afternoon), you need to address the what, where and when of screens.
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Content is king! Check whether the content/app they are accessing is safe, educational, age-appropriate, supporting (or, even, simply not eroding) their development and/or developing their language skills? If we use screens this way, we don’t need to worry nearly as much about screen time. 
When considering apps for your pre-schooler, look for ones that encourage your child to create content (e.g., create a digital book) and communicate (e.g. read a book app and record your child’s voice), in addition to consumption apps (e.g. watching YouTube). Scary content, including the daily news and current affairs programs should be avoided when pre-schoolers are around as they don’t yet have the cognitive or emotional skills to process them.
When it comes to social media apps, check out the Klikd website, our Klikd App reviews and our Klikd free downloadable resources if you want to check whether an app is age-appropriate and need info on how to use it safely.
Of course, there can be room for digital “treats” as long as the opportunity costs mentioned above are measured. An analogy that children can easily relate to is that we can’t fill our meal plates with sour worms and popcorn and hope to be full. Our digital plates are the same. We need healthy stuff to watch and a few odd treats too – maybe time to create TikToks is on the weekend and we can watch TikToks during the week. The point your child needs to understand is that not all screens are created equal – gaming for hours has a very different effect on our mood when compared to chatting to close friends on House Party for an hour.
The time of the day when screens are viewed is an important factor to consider when setting out your screen time rules at home. We need to minimise the use of back-lit devices like tablets and smartphones in the 90-minute period before nap or sleep time. The blue light emitted by screens suppresses the body’s production of melatonin, which kids require to fall asleep quickly and easily. Actually, this applies to grownups too – ever been totally wired after scrolling through Instagram in bed?! It’s also worth considering controlling the WIFI access after a certain time at night for older kids.
In order to ensure that the screens don’t displace too much of the good stuff and our plates aren’t entirely comprised of sour worms, it’s really important to preserve certain tech-free zones in our homes Ideally, meal times, play areas, bedrooms should be tech-free zones. Decide what tech-free zones and times are important to you as a family and make that a household rule.
Try to ensure that kids are using screens in publicly-accessible places at home so that parents can support their learning, keep them safe and hopefully prevent them from coming across things we don’t want them to see. We also recommend switching off the TV when no one is watching it as background TV can impede language skills and alter parent-child interactions.
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According to research by internet safety experts Protect Young Eyes, most poor digital choices made by kids (and adults) happen when what they call the “toxic trio” is in place: bedroom, boredom and darkness. Manage your kids’ use of their devices to avoid this toxic trio.
You cannot be held hostage in your own home. Agree on limits (based on the above considerations) and then stick to them.
This means agreeing to time limits based on the considerations above. For example, you can watch one episode of Paw Patrol after lunch or you can play on the iPad until the clock says 4 etc. To avoid screen-time meltdowns for younger kids when agreed screen time is up, here are three simple but practical tips:
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As soon as social media apps come into the mix, download the KLIKD social media contract (a free resource you can download HERE), for guidance on the how and the what you may want to include in your child’s digital future. Sign it together and pop the contract on the fridge as your reference point.
Klikd has created a cyber safety education app covering everything from how to manage tricky people online, cyberbullying, online reputation to phone addiction and so much more. Each module also contains multi-faceted components to keep t/weens engaged throughout the learning journey. You can download the app by clicking HERE.
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That dreaded moment that most parents don’t even want to think about … you find out that your seemingly innocent little munchkin is actually not so innocent and has been watching some rather X-rated content on the iPad or has been sent some videos on WhatsApp that would make even the least prudish of us blush.
Yet, in this increasingly digital world with our kids on their devices as we frantically try to send the email we started 4 days ago (because…mom life) our kids stumbling across explicit content is an unfortunate reality of the digital age. But what on earth do we do and what do we say? Here is Klikd’s response to this frequently asked question.
Right now, there are at least 4.5 million porn sites on the web with 64 000 visitors per minute. According to a 2019 report 70.7% of tweens and 84.0% of teens have encountered nudity or content of a sexual nature online. So while we are not trying to give it the thumbs up, we ARE putting it out there that it is inevitable that most of our kids are going to land where your kid did today. Like anything inevitable, it’s easier if we plan for it, but if we can’t, give yourself a break, pull up your big girl panties and dive in.
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We all have different values in relation to porn but some basics prevail when it comes to the big chat – a much harder one than the birds and the bees for sure.
1. Know where you stand on porn before you get into the discussion.
2. Don’t respond immediately with shock, horror, shame or indifference (they won’t buy the latter anyway).
3. Get real – if they are big enough to stream it, they have to be big enough to talk about it. This means normalising their interest in sex, but not normalising what they find online. What you want to get across is that there is no need for shame in relation to their curiosity, but that what they are finding is not the real deal.
Women and men don’t look like that in real life – they don’t act like that either. Talk about how these kinds of images can make real-world sex confusing for them because women like to be respected and engaged with (rather than treated as sex toys) and men don’t have to have the stamina to keep going for three hours straight. If you can help them understand how porn affects THEM in THEIR lives, not just that it is sexist, you have a much higher chance of your message being heard.
4. It’s also important to impart (but maybe not all on the same day) that porn is not that different to a drug – our brains need more of it to feel less. And by more in this case, we mean extremes. And then it will be hard to be aroused in the real world, by real girls. There’s no fun in that.
5. Don’t forget to throw in how important the notion of CONSENT is in the real world – something not often seen in the world that is PornHub.
6. Lastly, stay away from shaming them – even if your family values abhor porn. The teen years are hard enough without the added angst.
Remember, for younger kids, it is definitely worth putting in place filtering mechanisms and parental controls to filter out explicit content (Download Klikd’s FREE Ultimate Guide to Parental Controls HERE) but do bear in mind that nothing is foolproof and our kids will eventually outsmart us.
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So having these pointers in your arsenal of chats (even if at this stage it seems mortifying) is keeping you ahead of the game in your digital parenting journey. This means that instead of reacting with shock, horror and disdain when the dreaded moment arrives, you will be able to respond in a way that maintains the connection between you and your t/ween, ensuring that they know that even when things go south online (mind the pun), they can land safely and softly with you. And then maybe get yourself a well-deserved drink!
Klikd has created a cyber safety education app covering everything from how to manage tricky people online, cyberbullying, online reputation to phone addiction and so much more. Each module also contains multi-faceted components to keep t/weens engaged throughout the learning journey. You can download the app by clicking HERE.