BabyYumYum Experts are trusted voices in parenting, health, nutrition, education, and child development who provide reliable, easy-to-understand advice that supports families through every stage of their journey. Whether you’re navigating pregnancy, tackling toddler tantrums, or looking for school-readiness tips, our experts offer professional insights backed by real-world experience to help you make informed decisions with confidence.
We all know that the current emigration (leaving your home country to live in another) stats in South African are very high. It’s not positive or negative per se, it’s just a fact. And we all have family, friends and acquaintances who are now expats and who perhaps made it seem a little bit easier than it really was.
It is not easy. If you are contemplating, or in the process of emigrating, here are 10 ways to make the process easier.
The very last thing you must do if you are a young family planning to emigrate, is to Google it! Don’t. Because you will see heaps of research with negative outcomes and you will read just as many that say that emigration doesn’t really have an effect on children. Young children are resilient when change is inevitable and regularly surprise adults with the adaptability and how fast they adjust to new surroundings.
Parents are often tempted not to involve children in the arrangements for the emigration because they don’t want to upset them. Unfortunately, this often means that children are ill-prepared for the radical change, and the transition is a huge shock. Adults have had months to prepare themselves but if you don’t prepare your children, you may have to deal with a huge emotional backlash.
Casually involve them from day one, and always be open and honest with them. Tell them that you are thinking about emigrating (age appropriately of course) and when you know that you are definitely emigrating, involve them in small decisions like which toys they want to take with. You can make emigrating fun by teaching them more about your new country, language, cultures, traditions, etc.
Explain to your children why you are emigrating to a new country and make it sound like fun. If they have more or less an idea of what to expect, it will also make them feel better about all the strangeness that lies ahead. Don’t create too many expectations as you might make promises that you cannot keep.
The best schools often have the longest waiting lists – this is the case all over the world. Act early enough to ensure that your children get the best education possible.
Bianca, mother of Rayleigh (6) offers an important pointer: “Remember that the best school is always the closest school!”
This is so true, as it is so much easier for your children to make friends and maintain friendships if they live near their new school friends. Also, school and work hours may differ drastically in other countries, so long commutes to and from school can become a logistical nightmare.
Help your children to get involved in extracurricular activities, as this will boost their confidence levels and allow them to meet new friends.
“Jono is a shy little boy, but as soon as he joined the mini soccer team, he made new friends and started looking forward to going to school in the mornings!” Erica, mother of Jonathan (5)
The most difficult issue for your children will probably be changing schools/preschools and leaving their friends and family members behind. Small children may experience separation anxiety; they may be clingy and may be more demanding than usual, but this should subside with time.
Help older children adjust in the new country by opening your home to any new friends they make and even planning small parties or outings. Also, try to bring as many of their familiar items as possible to the new country.
Says Elize, mother of Lizzy (5): “Some of Lizzy’s old furniture, pictures, soft toys and other toys were a tremendous comfort to her in our new home.” Also, have a few key items with you all the time like a favourite soft toy or special jewellery.
“Our little girl was inconsolable on our flight to the UK, until I produced her favourite soft toy – she settled down immediately.” Nessa, mother of Lila (2)
Never underestimate how difficult it is to navigate your new life without a proper support system.
Tish offers important advice: “We really missed having family in town or the support structure that takes years to build up. When you are ill, or one child needs to be in hospital, you need to know who has your back and who your children are safe with. Connections are built over time. There will be no welcoming committee or open hands. That community has existed and has its own infrastructure. You are only worth what value you can add to the existing community infrastructure, be that your faith group, or school group, etc. Add value to the existing community and, in time, you will carve out your own home space.”
As an adult, you will understand the cultural and societal differences much better than your children, so it’s hugely important for you to help your children adapt and integrate by explaining to them why things are done differently in their new country. Children are naturally inquisitive, so make sure to answer all their questions. Also, when you are in your new country, try to establish a new routine as soon as possible, and stick to it.
Says Samantha, mother of Stephen (6) and Jessica (4): “Make sure dinner, bedtime, playtime and bath time is the same every day. This will also instil a sense of security in your children – it really helped with ours!”
“…emigrating need not cause unnecessary trauma for your children. Research has shown that they will settle in and grow accustomed to their new surroundings much faster than you will!”
Air travel with children is always a challenge. Make sure that you are thoroughly prepared, that you have all the necessary games and gimmicks ready and that you explain to your children exactly what is going to happen before, during and after flights. Even if they are very small, it is important to prepare them.
Tish makes the following important point: “Remember that some destinations come with a long-haul flight which means long transit times. And jetlag.”
Seemingly small things like offering babies a dummy or bottle, or toddlers something to chew on during take-off and landing to help with stabilising air pressure can make a huge difference – not only to you and your children, but also to your fellow passengers. Also, make sure that you indicate that you are travelling with children when making your travel bookings.
Keep their favourite stuffed toys, storybooks and small snacks in your carry-on luggage (just ensure that it’s not prohibited) and remember not to give them toys that make a noise. In-flight entertainment includes an array of children’s channels – familiarise yourself with them as soon as you can, screen what is appropriate for your children, and help distract them with it when you really need to.
Remember that your enthusiasm and positivity will cause your children to be cheerful too. If you try to enjoy the (sometimes arduous!) process leading up to the final move, you will help your children stay positive as well. Make sure to communicate well and often, plan ahead and make decisions together – even with smaller children. For example, “Do you want to take bunny or teddy on the plane?”
Lastly, children may ask repetitive questions about emigrating – answer them patiently but never apologise for moving or make excuses for doing so. You have your reasons. It’s important to let your children know that emigrating is not negotiable and no discussion around not going will be entertained.
“Explain to your children why you are emigrating to a new country and make it sound like fun.”
Ensure that they know positivity is key to make the move as a family a successful one. Be sympathetic but firm and do not justify or blame bad behaviour on the move. Do not change your method of discipline but keep it positive – reward them for helping out and being co-operative in age-appropriate ways for example.
Lastly, with your encouragement and compassion, emigrating need not cause unnecessary trauma for your children. Research has shown that they will settle in and grow accustomed to their new surroundings much faster than you will! By empowering your children (and yourself!) with knowledge and by not creating unfair expectations, they will soon be natives of their new home – and proud expats of South Africa, especially when we win the Rugby World Cup again in 2023!
ALSO READ: “Our essential tips for travelling with kids overseas”
Deep Vein Thrombosis (Traveller’s thrombosis): causes & symptoms you should never ignore after long flights or road trips.
Before you head off on holiday (although car seat safety should be top of mind year round), carry out this 10-step car seat check to ensure your child is safe while you’re on the road.
Enjoy the holidays wherever you are and make beautiful memories to cherish and sustain you through the year ahead. Drive lovingly!
Consult your vehicle and car seat instruction manuals to help you with this checklist. If you’re having even the slightest trouble, questions or concerns, contact us on 073 393 7356 or email theresa@wheelwell.org.za
Before travelling, remember servicing and Easter weekend safety checks can reduce accidents and mechanical failures during peak road traffic.
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that babies sleep in their parents’ bedroom – “on a separate surface, such as a crib or bassinet, and never on a couch, armchair or soft surface” – for the first six months of life, and ideally a year.
In fact, in a statement released during October 2016, the AAP said that room-sharing reduces the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) by up to 50%.
It’s important to note that the AAP recommendation is for room sharing and not co-sleeping. According to Dr Leslie Solomonian, a professor at the Canadian College of Naturopathic Medicine with a special interest in paediatrics, there’s tons of evidence on the benefits of room-sharing and sometimes it’s generalised to co-sleeping or bed-sharing, and that is not what the AAP recommends. “Room sharing and co-sleeping are two completely different things. Sharing is recommended by AAP, not co-sleeping,” says Solomonian.
Besides reducing the risk of SIDS, there are many reasons to share a bedroom with your newborn baby – the ease of feeding during the night, the comfort of knowing that your baby is sleeping nearby, or just the belief that it will allow everyone to get the most sleep. If you can quickly soothe a baby as soon as they wake, you might be able to get them to go back to sleep quicker.
“We bought a high-quality, neutral shade carpet that we can later use anywhere in the house. It is an investment that can serve us for years to come. It also helps to tiptoe around Hannah’s camping cot without her waking up!” Maddie, mother of baby Hannah (3 weeks).
“Room sharing and co-sleeping are two completely different things. Sharing is recommended by AAP, not co-sleeping.”
“I couldn’t understand why Mia wouldn’t sleep – until my sister told me that 26 degrees Celsius is most definitely too hot for our little Mia. I invested in a thermometer and she is not so restless anymore.” Jade, mother of baby Mia (2 weeks.)
“As your baby grows the list will grow longer, but you can always swap out items from the baby’s room.” Linda, mother of Evie (5 months).
“If you are very tight on space, you can always use your dresser as a bedside table, or put a changing table on top to eliminate the need for extra furniture. It works like a charm!” Samantha
“Don’t underestimate the fact that things still get lost – even in a small room. Our shoe organiser helps us to keep our room organised and stay sane!” Linda
“We use an LED nightlight so that Riley doesn’t wake up completely when it’s feeding time. I just had to learn that the light has to face away from the baby’s sleeping space, but now it works very well.” Annah, mother of Riley (6 weeks)
Most parents sleep with pillows, duvets, eiderdowns, blankets and/or soft mattresses that make the parents’ bed an unsafe sleep surface for babies.
Your baby’s sleep space should be devoid of all soft or fluffy materials such as blankets or stuffed animals; their mattress should be firm, and they should be dressed lightly for sleep to avoid suffocation or overheating. Babies should never share a room or sleeping space with parents who are smokers.
Sharing a room with a newborn, especially for first-time parents, will require some adjustments. Your sanctuary is now invaded by a stranger demanding love, food and attention!
It is always best to communicate with your partner about any fears or concerns to ensure that you both have the same expectations. If one of you is not happy about the arrangement, it will be a very tough job to integrate the ‘old way’ of life with co-sharing your bedroom.
Tumford isn’t really a terrible cat, it’s just that he likes to make loud noises.
All children have fears in their lives, but some are very serious and can be debilitating. Here we explain the difference between fears and phobias, and how they are best treated.
Izzy Kelly is seven-and-a-half years old and for as long as her mom, Catherine, can remember, she’s had a fear of puppies and small dogs. When she sees one, she freezes and starts screaming. She also has a new phobia of dragonflies and when she saw one outside her closed bedroom window, she had an anxiety attack (tears, screaming, shaking and hyperventilating) and refused to return to her bedroom for over half an hour.
Izzy’s phobia is not uncommon. It’s believed that up to 9.2% of children and adolescents* are believed to experience some type of phobia. Our expert and educational psychologist, Claire Maher explains that a childhood phobia is a fear that kids have which causes distress and interferes with daily functioning. It is out of proportion to the perceived threat, but is typically outgrown by adolescence or adulthood.
Commonly, kids are often afraid of the dark, being away from their parents, the “monster” under the bed, being with strangers, being forgotten at school (or abandoned), animals, and thunderstorms. “These are typically fears, but can be classified as phobias if they persist unusually past certain developmental stages and interfere with one’s functioning,” says Maher.
She explains that humans are born with only two innate fears – the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. The rest of these fears/phobias are learnt or come about due to a particular genetic predisposition.
According to Maher, phobias can be genetically rooted, or as a result of the environment and stimulus. A child who is naturally shy may be more susceptible to having phobias. A child with a personal or familial history of psychological challenges may also be at risk for developing phobias. Lastly, traumatic experiences can contribute to phobias. For example, a child who is bitten by a dog may be fearful of every dog they encounter, irrespective of the level of danger it poses to the child.
Maher explains that symptoms of phobias will be similar to anxiety disorders such as generalised anxiety, or in the moment, panic attacks. People might present with physical and/or emotional symptoms. These include:
Maher says that a phobia differs from a fear in how much anxiety it causes a child, and how long a child is fearful of something. “A phobia interferes with a person’s daily functioning, instead of it being short-lived, and in response to a particular threat or perceived threat. With a phobia, the anxiety and fear are out of proportion to the threat.”
“… humans are born with only two innate fears – the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. The rest of these fears/phobias are learnt or come about due to a particular genetic predisposition.”
Refilwe (not her real name) knows well about the “disproportionate” anxiety and fear. Her eight-year-old daughter, Naledi (not her real name) has a phobia of snails. Refilwe says her daughter doesn’t have a mild reaction to snails, like having a shudder or saying ‘eeeuw gross’. Rather, she experiences terror, and screams and cries so hard that she has difficulty breathing. She will also try to climb up an adult for ‘safety’.
To help Naledi with her snail phobia, Refilwe says she has to prepare her ahead of time. “We remind her it’s been raining, and that snails love the rain and will come out to play. We remind her that snails are small and she is large and they can’t hurt her. I try to show her they are harmless by picking them up off the path and putting them in the bushes. Sometimes it calms her and sometimes it doesn’t but I think consistently prepping her, remaining calm ourselves and leading by example, does help.”
“I think with age and higher reasoning and lots of positive reinforcement, she has gotten much better at dealing with her phobia. We are about to go into rainy season now and we are already talking about snails and how harmless they are. We also look up facts about them and stories that may have snails in them, and we’re hoping that these will help ease her.”
Children with phobias that they do not outgrow, and which continue to affect their lives, may require some professional input and intervention. Maher says that while psychotherapy is always useful for exploring root causes of phobias, cognitive behavioural therapy would be most useful to help a child develop new pathways and thought patterns about their phobias, and to develop strategies on how to manage them.
As parents, we need to take our child’s fears seriously, for their sake, but at the same time, we do not want to play into them and exacerbate them. A child who is afraid of dogs needs to be encouraged by parents to learn that not all dogs will bite, and that it is okay and safe to walk on the same side of the road as a dog that’s on a leash. This is not preventative, but assists in alleviating the phobia.
My wife has an older sister and, as luck would have it, she got the worst of the childhood illnesses, while my wife sailed through these events. Chickenpox was just such an event. My wife had a slight fever and two or three spots on her back while her sister suffered terribly.
The lesions were horrific, forming blisters in her eyes and down her throat, and causing her fingernails to fall off. She also developed a secondary bacterial infection that progressed into pneumonia. It sounds like something out of a horror story, yet this was a reality for many children prior to the varicella vaccine.
I have heard many grandparents in my practice tell me about the chickenpox parties or getting sick children to bath with their siblings so that the kids could get chickenpox over and done with. I get it! December holidays with the whole family confined for weeks at a time was not much fun back in the day.
Today, however, we do have alternatives and you need to be informed about what this illness is and what the consequences are so that you can protect your baby.
Let’s start with a definition. Chickenpox is an infection caused by the varicella-zoster virus. It is characterised by fever and blisters all over the body, and is highly contagious to those who have not had the illness nor have not been vaccinated against it.
The disease is generally mild in healthy children. In severe cases, the rash can cover the entire body, and lesions may form in the throat, eyes, mucous membranes of the urethra, anus and vagina.
Once the child has recovered from chickenpox, the virus may remain in the body (inactive or latent), usually in the nervous system. Later in life, the virus can be reactivated and the person will suffer a very painful illness known as shingles.
The difficult thing about chickenpox is that an individual is contagious to others two to three days before the rash appears. If your child has been exposed to chickenpox, then it can take between 10 and 21 days before the rash appears. Once the rash appears it can last anything between five to 10 days for the illness to pass. Now you can understand why granny was keen to get the process over and done with!
The blisters usually appear on the head or chest first and then spread to the rest of the body. New bumps usually continue to appear for a number of days, so you may have all three stages of the rash — bumps, blisters and scabbed lesions — at the same time. Chickenpox is contagious until all broken blisters have crusted over.
The Centres for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that the vaccine protects 98% of children who get the correct dose. If they do get the illness, then the severity of the disease is lessened.
For most children, chickenpox is a mild illness. They will feel very miserable as a result of the itchy, painful blisters and fevers, but this will all be over in five to 10 days. However, there can be other complications as a result of this illness and this is why parents need to be informed.
CHECK OUT: Printable Baby Illness Logbook for Doctor Visits Made Simple
When to see your doctor?I would recommend that if your child has been exposed to chickenpox or if you suspect they may have chickenpox, then a visit to the doctor is in order. There are other illnesses that cause blisters, like coxsackie, so getting a diagnosis is important. If your child is younger than six months then it is vital that you consult with your doctor.
Please call ahead and warn your doctor’s receptionists if you suspect chickenpox. I prefer for these children to be isolated from others in my waiting room. Once the diagnosis is made, please stay in contact with your doctor if any of these symptoms occur:
For the most part, your doctor will just make the diagnosis and advise on how best to control the fever and how to help your child deal with the pain of the blisters. In certain cases, your doctor may prescribe an antiviral medication.
I am aware of the ongoing resistance towards vaccinations, but I can honestly say this is an illness that children shouldn’t have to suffer. Even if it is only a week and no other complications arise, your child will suffer from fevers, run the risk of scarring and have a very uncomfortable time.
“…you may have all three stages of the rash — bumps, blisters and scabbed lesions — at the same time. Chickenpox is contagious until all broken blisters have crusted over.”
The Centres for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that the vaccine protects 98% of children who get the correct dose. If they do get the illness, then the severity of the disease is lessened.
The vaccine itself is well tolerated and in a recent article put out by the Mayo Clinic, it confirms that the vaccine is safe and very effective. This research and the risk of complications arising from chickenpox makes me an advocate for prevention through vaccination.
Children don’t need to suffer and we certainly don’t want our aged to suffer the torment of shingles.
The vaccine has not been approved for pregnant woman, so it is crucial that women consult with their doctors before they fall pregnant to ensure they’ve had the necessary vaccines or are immune to the illnesses.
Chickenpox in pregnancy is not to be taken lightly. If it is contracted in the first trimester, there is a risk that the baby is born with shortened limbs and low birth weight. If the mom gets chickenpox a few days before or after birth, the baby runs a significant risk of getting seriously ill.
This article was written for BabyYumYum by our partner paediatrician, Dr Maraschin.
ALSO READ: Pain or fever in children: how to care for them & when to see a doctor
Many children go through a selective food phase, making mealtimes confusing, unpredictable and sometimes stressful.
We’ve all been there – you show your two-year-old a real photograph of someone and they try to “swipe” it across. We all roll around laughing at how funny it is but this shows the deeper, underlying issue that all toddlers have a need for instant gratification that comes from too much screen time.
Every finger swipe elicits an instant response of colours, sounds and shapes. The brain responds by dumping dopamine into the system – the key component of our internal reward system that makes you feel pleasure, and can encourage feelings of addiction.
Have you ever tried to take a smart device away from a two-year-old? You will not be met with the kindest of reactions because the production of dopamine in the brain is stopped and there is no immediate response to stimuli. The world suddenly becomes boring and slow to your little one and the resulting tantrum is caused by their struggle to readjust to “real” life again.
The frontal lobe develops during the critical period between birth and three years of age, so if your child is in front of a screen for extended periods of time, they’re missing out on developing social relationships with people – playing, talking and interacting with real people – the effects of which may last forever.
Screens also have a disastrous effect on melatonin production at night. The pineal gland in the brain starts to produce melatonin in your toddler a few hours before bedtime (between 5pm and 7pm) and reaches its peak in the middle of the night. Melatonin makes us sleep well at night, it makes us sleep restfully and we wake up feeling good.
“Melatonin is our helping hand at night and using a screen in the crucial hours that it is being produced is counter-intuitive to better sleep.”
Unfortunately, putting a screen in front of your toddler at the crucial time of melatonin production will destroy the melatonin and produce cortisol instead. Often parents talk about a “second wind” that happens at around bedtime – this is due to a lack of melatonin in the body. Melatonin is our helping hand at night and using a screen in the crucial hours that it is being produced is counter-intuitive to better sleep. The blue light that is emitted from a screen is of a shorter wavelength than the red or yellow spectrum and stimulates the brain, reducing melatonin in the process.
Poor sleep from a lack of melatonin results in behavioural issues and a supressed immune system. If your toddler is constantly getting sick, check on how much screen time they’ve been exposed to in the early evenings.
Instead of switching on a screen to distract your toddler during dinnertime, rather show read a book with them or make up a dance that the whole family does when your toddler eats well. Put on some music, draw on a whiteboard and get creative. Be sure to instil a culture of “no screen time” at meals for the benefit of better-quality sleep for the whole family.
Before 2 years: Sedentary (sitting) screen time is not recommended unless it’s via a video call to family and then it should be kept brief and preferably not just before bedtime.
Toddlers (2 to 3 years): No more than 1 hour of sedentary screen time – less is better.
Preschoolers (3 to 4 years): No more than 1 hour of sedentary screen time – less is better.
This article has been specifically written for BabyYumYum by Good Night sleep consultancy expert, Jolandi Bekker. Article references available on request.
Excessive screen time can impact a toddler’s cognitive, social, emotional, and physical development. Common concerns include delayed speech, reduced attention span, sleep disturbances, behavioural issues, and poor social skills due to a lack of real-world interactions.
Yes, research suggests that excessive screen time, especially passive viewing, may reduce opportunities for toddlers to engage in verbal interactions, which are essential for speech and language development. Children learn best through face-to-face conversations, storytelling, and interactive play.
Excessive screen exposure, particularly before bedtime, can interfere with melatonin production, making it harder for toddlers to fall and stay asleep. Bright screens, fast-moving animations, and engaging content can overstimulate their brains, leading to disrupted sleep patterns.
Frequent exposure to fast-paced screen content may affect a toddler’s ability to focus and concentrate in real-world situations. This can make it harder for them to engage in independent play, problem-solving activities, and structured learning.
Yes, excessive screen use may lead to increased tantrums, impatience, and frustration, especially if screen time is abruptly limited. Some studies suggest that exposure to aggressive or overly stimulating content may contribute to emotional dysregulation.
Yes, prolonged screen use often replaces active play, leading to less movement, weaker motor skills, and an increased risk of childhood obesity. Toddlers need plenty of physical activity to develop coordination, strength, and overall health.
High-quality educational content can be beneficial in moderation. Interactive and age-appropriate programs that encourage active participation (such as singing, repeating words, or problem-solving) are better than passive screen time. However, screen-based learning should never replace real-life experiences, hands-on play, or parental interaction.
Signs of excessive screen use include difficulty focusing on non-screen activities, irritability when screens are removed, sleep disturbances, reduced interest in social interactions, and decreased imaginative play.
Toddlers thrive on active, hands-on learning experiences. Some great alternatives include building blocks, sensory play, reading books, outdoor activities, pretend play, dancing, and puzzles. Social interaction, even with family members, helps strengthen communication and problem-solving skills.
Video calls are different from passive screen use because they involve real-time interaction. They can help toddlers develop social and language skills by engaging with familiar voices and facial expressions.
Gradually reduce screen time by offering engaging alternatives and setting structured daily routines. If your toddler is used to watching a screen during meals or before bed, replace this habit with storytelling, playtime, or calming music. Be patient and lead by example by limiting your own screen use in front of them.
Disclaimer: This information is for educational purposes only and should not replace professional medical or developmental advice. If you are concerned about your child’s screen time habits, consult a paediatrician or child development specialist.
Thinking about online schooling? Explore the pros and cons of digital learning to decide if it’s the right choice for you or your child.
While it’s a beautiful blossom-filled season for most, spring is also the time of year that allergy sufferers dread. “Seasonal allergic conjunctivitis or eye allergy usually peaks during pollen season but can last for several months of the year,” says Inge Loubser, an optometrist at Mellins i-Style. Red, itchy, burning and scratchy eyes can cause severe discomfort along with the other symptoms associated with allergies.
It is the inflammation of the conjunctiva – the thin membrane that covers the front of the eye and the inside of the eyelids. One or both eyes may be affected.
Pollen, the fine powder released from plants and trees, is one of the leading allergy triggers in spring. Just like any other allergic reaction, eye allergies are caused by the immune system mistaking a seemingly harmless allergen for a dangerous substance. This causes the immune system to release histamine, a chemical that fights the allergen causing swelling and inflammation. The blood vessels in your eyes also swell and your eyes get red, teary and itchy.
Apart from the allergy symptoms such as a stuffy, runny nose and sneezing (similar to that of a cold), other symptoms of eye allergies include red, irritated eyes, itchy eyes, watery eyes, swollen eyelids, burning, scratching and even light sensitivity.
Over-the-counter medications can usually help relieve eye allergy symptoms. People with severe allergies, however, may require additional treatment.
Although pink eye and eye allergies have similar symptoms, they are two different conditions. Conjunctivitis (or pink eye) refers to the inflammation of the conjunctiva. When the conjunctiva becomes irritated or inflamed, conjunctivitis can occur.
“While eye allergies are caused by an adverse immune reaction to certain substances such as dust or pollen, pink eye is caused by bacterial infections, viruses, contact lenses and chemicals.”
While eye allergies are caused by an adverse immune reaction to certain substances such as dust or pollen, pink eye is caused by bacterial infections, viruses, contact lenses and chemicals. The condition is highly contagious and the eye appears red or pink, is itchy and irritated. A thick discharge usually builds up on one or both eyes at night.
ALSO READ: Eye allergies in children: symptoms & treatment
For more eye care tips and advice, visit www.mellins.co.za
Look for signs such as:
No. Eye allergies are not contagious and should not be confused with viral or bacterial conjunctivitis (pink eye), which may cause discharge and spread between people.
A GP or optometrist can usually diagnose eye allergies based on symptoms and history. In persistent cases, you may be referred to an allergist for further testing.
Effective treatments include:
While you can’t always prevent them entirely, you can reduce exposure by:
Some products are safe, but not all are suitable for children. Always check the age recommendation on the label and consult a pharmacist, GP or optometrist before using eye drops on a child.
Yes, though it’s less common. Some food allergies can cause general allergic reactions, including itchy or puffy eyes. If food is suspected, speak to your paediatrician or allergist.
Yes. Many people experience seasonal allergies, particularly during spring and summer when pollen levels are high. In South Africa, this is usually between August and March, depending on the region.
See a GP or eye care professional if:
Mild cases may resolve once the allergen is removed. However, persistent or seasonal allergies often require ongoing management, especially in children.
ALSO CHECK OUT: The Truth About Food Allergies in Kids
Disclaimer: This information is for general guidance and does not replace professional medical advice. Always consult your GP, optometrist, or pharmacist before beginning treatment for eye allergies, especially in babies or young children.
Eye health in babies and toddlers is closely related to their learning and development and can influence how they explore the world.
Planning a much-needed mom spa break? Whether you’ve visited a spa before or are planning to do so for the first time, here are some very important tips for you to maximise your experience and minimise any discomfort.
The short answer is: Wear what makes you feel comfortable! It may be a good idea to bring two swimming costumes or comfortable shorts as well as plain rubber flip flops for use in the wet areas such as saunas, hot tubs, swimming pools or steam rooms. The other outfit can be used outside the wet areas.
Most spas provide slippers and robes because suitable footwear is very important. If you are not comfortable with undressing completely, it’s absolutely fine to keep your underwear on.
Whether you are partially clothed or fully naked under the massage sheet, the therapists are trained to deal with either situation professionally and discreetly.
Do not shave on the day of your appointment, especially if you are having body scrubs, body wraps or a pedicure. Shaving causes your pores to open, which leaves them vulnerable to infections.
If you have to shave on the day, make sure that it is at least four hours prior to your treatment. Males are advised to shave at least 24 hours before a facial treatment. Any treatment involving waxing is not recommended in conjunction with using the wet/steamy areas of the spa.
“During the second trimester you may benefit a bit more from a spa day, but avoid overstimulating treatments in pregnancy like aromatherapy and deep tissue massage.”
Spa-goers should always shower before using the facilities or having a treatment or massage. This is to wash off any skincare products, oils and dirt on your skin to ensure a safe and hygienic environment for all spa visitors. There are shower facilities at most spas.
All reputable spas will have documentation that you have to fill out before you use their facilities. Make sure that you answer all questions truthfully.
The filling out of forms takes time, and it is thus advised that you arrive at least 10 minutes before your scheduled appointment – this also helps you to relax and ease into the experience.
If being late is absolutely unavoidable, it is good manners to notify the spa as soon as possible. However, arriving late for your treatment will limit the time for your treatment as the spa has to accommodate their next guests.
In the first trimester of pregnancy, it is always safer to rather not frequent a spa or receive other spa treatments like massages, as there are so many things that have to be avoided that forms part of a spa visit, e.g. the Jacuzzi, sauna, steam room, certain aromatherapy oils as well as any pressure on the stomach. Massage, even pregnancy massage, is best avoided in early pregnancy.
During the second trimester you may benefit a bit more from a spa day, but avoid overstimulating treatments in pregnancy like aromatherapy and deep tissue massage.
Nowadays, a lot of spas offer pregnancy massages which may give you more peace of mind as they are specially designed for pregnant women. Your therapist will also be able to advise you on these matters, but it remains your own responsibility to ensure your own safety and well-being.
It is imperative to inform the spa if you are on any medication or products like Retinol or if you have chronic or other health conditions like allergies, high blood pressure or diabetes.
This will allow your therapist to adjust her services to you to avoid any possible contraindications. If you use a reputable spa, your therapist will speak to you about temperature, pressure, music, products and the sequence of events before or during your treatment.
Make sure to discuss any uncertainties you have about any aspect of the treatment with your therapist beforehand. It is also advised to inform the spa of such a condition at the time of your booking.
It is extremely important to stay hydrated during your spa visit by drinking plenty of water before, during or after treatments. This helps replenish the body and assists in the removal of toxins.
It all depends on you – your therapist will respond to you. If you would like to talk during a treatment you are welcome to, but you are also most welcome to be silent. It is all about what helps you relax the most.
However, do speak up if there is a problem, for example, if you are too hold or too cool or want the massage pressure adjusted, etc.
In South Africa leaving a 10% to 15% tip is customary. If you have received services from more than one therapist, make sure to leave a separate tip for each one. Gratuity is never a given to therapists but of course, they are always appreciated.
If you are getting a promotional rate or special package, it is customary to tip to the full value of the service if you are happy with your therapist.
Speak up as soon as possible if you are not happy about something – spas would rather you told them immediately than give them a poor rating.
Enjoy your spa day, and remember that spas are places where much-needed private moments are savoured, so be mindful of the other guests’ space.
Turn off your cell phone and refrain from loud talking. Use the opportunity to for some me-time to relax and unwind.
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If you or someone you love has been emotionally abused by someone, you’ll recognise the terms ghosting or gaslighting. These are terms used for how we are treated by people who reject or ignore us, and then make it seem like we’re overreacting.
Some of us are not even aware that we are gaslighting other people, including our own children. So this guide for everyone, to help identify and avoid ghosting, gaslighting, and other forms of emotional abuse in relationships.
Read on to find out what educational psychologist Claire Maher has to say about gaslighting, ghosting and other terms.
What is ghosting?
Ghosting has been defined as “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and, without explanation, withdrawing from all communication”. While the term may be new to some, the concept and practice is not new and has taken place in many forms for years.
There are a number of other terms used to describe ghosting – simmering, icing, ninja’ing, blocking, unfollowing, unfriending or blue ticking (think WhatsApp). Some may refer to it as a temporary process, and others to a more permanent situation where connections are never regained.
It has become much easier to ghost somebody nowadays by simply not replying, cutting a call, or blocking the person rather than facing them in person.
Avoiding emotional discomfort seems to be a very common reason, but there are other reasons too:
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Ghosting is not only a loss, but a rejection without reason (or at least reason known to the one being ghosted). It leaves a lot of situations open, and individuals without closure need to move on and make peace with a situation.
There is also no cue or clue on how to react about being rejected – should you be angry, sad, grateful, or even relieved?
Being ghosted prevents you from being able to express specific emotions towards the ‘perpetrator’ and to be heard – two factors that are very important for self-esteem and self-understanding – and can lead to greater anxiety and fear when approaching other new relationships.
If you are already insecure, you may dwell on your every fault as the likely reason for being ghosted.
Ghosting can be equated to the silent treatment, and any adult or adolescent knows that the silent treatment is considered to be one of the most serious forms of emotional cruelty.
Research has shown that social rejection of this sort activates the same pathways in the brain as physical pain, leaving the victim wounded and in need of healing and recovery. Further research has shown that a teenager’s online and offline presence is considered to be one and the same. Therefore, when they are rejected online, or ghosted in the same way, they see this as very personal and very real.
As mentioned, in this day and age the majority of ghosting takes place online, because the break in connection and communication is so clear – one day you’re speaking to somebody on WhatsApp, the next day your messages to them aren’t delivering.
Online dating for teens and adults is a prime example. It’s much easier to just stop talking to somebody you’ve ‘matched’ with because you haven’t established a proper connection as you might with somebody in person.
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Extreme ghosting can be considered gaslighting, which is the practice of manipulating somebody psychologically so that they doubt their own sanity or understanding of a situation. Gaslighting is psychologically abusive, and often undetectable within relationships.
An example of gaslighting can be seen in the story of teenager Marie Adler (currently on Netflix: Unbelievable), who is accused by police of lying about a rape, and even made to doubt whether the event was a dream or really took place.
Gaslighting can take a variety of forms, namely (source: Tracy, N. Gaslighting Definition, Techniques and Being Gaslighted):
Gaslighting can also take place in the dating world – where you make somebody feel that they have a chance, or that there will be another date, only to stop contacting them and they never hear from you again. It’s manipulating them into thinking that they have a chance, and then ghosting them.
It also creates doubt about a person’s ability to read a situation. They may think things are going well, and then suddenly it’s over. And they think, “how did I miss this?” (The worst part is when they continue to view your Instagram Stories despite not replying to your texts!)
Gaslighting can affect children too. For example, a child who experiences their parents arguing and fears they will get divorced may approach their parents, only to be told that that’s never going to happen, and that they’re silly for thinking as such. This may be seen by parents as an attempt to reassure their child, but also negates and neglects the child’s very real feelings about the situation.
Sheknows.com provides parents with six ways to identify that they may be gaslighting their children:
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Self-esteem is an underlying buffering factor for both of these situations – for somebody being ghosted or gaslighted. If your self-esteem is good and sense of worth high, these processes will be hard and rejecting, but will not be detrimental in the long term.
However, for somebody with an already lacking self-esteem, being ghosted or gaslighted will exacerbate that feeling and create more hurt and self-deprecating behaviour or thoughts.
It is important for children, adults and parents of children to ensure that their child feels safe and comfortable when these situations arise. Children should be encouraged to talk to their parents when somebody rejects them, or if they’re feeling vulnerable.
And parents are encouraged to look out for signs with their children and take them seriously when they talk about how they felt or feel about a certain situation. Adults are encouraged to talk to people with who they feel safe if their partner exhibits any of the characteristics of a gaslighter.
Parents should also encourage their children to handle ending relationships respectfully and empathically, and to seek help if they identify themselves in the gaslighter position, unintentionally. Take your child’s feelings seriously, let them express themselves, and give them a break when need be.
No relationship, whether parent-child, parent-parent, child-child, adult-adult is perfect, and everybody brings to it some of their own insecurities and interpersonal difficulties. Sometimes empathy needs to be remembered and learnt to avoid harming somebody more than necessary in your relationship with them.
In a society fraught with gender-based violence, is physically punishing your child teaching them how to learn the difference between abuse and discipline? On 18 September 2019, the Constitutional Court of South Africa ruled that corporal punishment in the home is illegal. This ruling outlaws any physical punishment a parent may use on their child such as hitting or spanking in the name of discipline.
The defence of “reasonable chastisement” which parents used when charged for physically harming their children no longer applies and is deemed unconstitutional. It was argued that this defence allowed parents to conduct themselves in a manner that would otherwise be considered assault if inflicted on an adult.
As much as this ruling protects the interests and rights of the child, many parents still believe that it interferes with their parenting style of using force as punishment for misbehaviour. While this old-school method of smacking or hitting a child for misbehaviour may seem acceptable to the average parent, research shows that no child benefitted from being physically harmed by their parent. This form of punishment did not instil values and respect in a child and, instead of understanding the consequences of their behaviour, the child felt negative thoughts and plotted revenge.
Of course, there is the difference between using force to prevent your child from being harmed – for instance forcibly moving their hand away from a fire and smacking your toddler on the nappy because you want them to stop crying. The reasoning behind your physical interaction with your child justifies whether you did so to prevent further harm to your child or to cause harm on to your child.
No matter how slight, your physical harm of your child might be seen as a form of punishment. If, as a parent, you decide that pain and violence is the answer to teaching your child how to respect you and behave appropriately, you need to understand that this comes with your child’s level of trust in you as a protector diminishing.
Parents who use force, fear and pain on their child in the name of love and authority do not give their children a chance to learn how to understand what type of negative behaviour amounts to abuse when the environment has changed.
For instance, a child who grows up believing that their parent loved them while causing physical harm to them will find it difficult to differentiate when they are being abused in relationship by someone who claims to love them or has authority over them. This generational cycle of making pain and fear acceptable to command respect brings along the mindset that children must experience pain and fear as a normality in any future relationship. This thought process is destructive to creating a non-violent society.
During the presentations of argument for and against considering reasonable chastisement as a defence, Chief Justice Mogoeng Mogoeng asked what the alternative to physical punishment is.
In my presentation at the African Child Trauma Conference in Cape Town in August this year, I discussed authoritative parenting as a method of instilling discipline. As a parent, disciplining your child is the most important and challenging skill you need to develop and it shapes the way in which your child handles conflict and their own frustrations as they grow older. Authoritative parenting takes effort. If you want to parent your child and raise them to respect you, you must make an effort to engage with your them in a respectful manner.
Most often, the criticism of authoritative parenting is that there isn’t enough time between the misbehaviour and the punishment for a parent to deal with the misbehaviour constructively. There is always enough time, because the time it takes to spank a child is the same amount of time it takes for you to make an intelligent, conscious choice to not react but rather to respond to the misbehaviour.
Authoritative parenting involves an emotionally intelligent parent who can make a split-second decision to engage with their child with authority and understanding rather than to react with physical harm. Choosing to respond to your child and engage with them will disrupt the cycle of reactions and high emotions that comes with physical punishment on your child.
The shift in mindset from the punishing parent to the authoritative parent will take time and you will not always get it right. Your inevitable goal is not to win a battle with harm and declare your child the loser. When you discipline your child, you should never leave them feeling worthless, or feeling that you will only engage with them when they are good. Nothing can justify that a child should feel less human or have their rights violated by the people they love and trust the most, their parents.
This article is not legal advice. The information within this article are extracts from the writer’s presentation at the African Child Trauma Conference 2019. For more information, contact Fair Practice on info@fairpractice.co.za.
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