How to maintain family balance when your child has ADHD is something many parents struggle with silently. Between impulsive moments, emotional outbursts and constant activity, the home can feel chaotic and unpredictable. But finding balance doesn’t mean achieving perfection, it means creating moments of calm amid the noise. With the right structure, patience and understanding, family life can become not just manageable but beautifully connected. writes Elisabeth Lefebvre, Université du Québec en Outaouais (UQO).
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Attention deficit disorder, with or without hyperactivity (ADHD), can be a problem outside of school because it disrupts the quality of life of families. Between stigmatization, chronic stress and feelings of helplessness, many families feel overwhelmed by this still poorly understood disorder.
Although it is the third most common mental health disorder in the world and the most common among children, ADHD remains controversial. Yet the first scientific reference describing symptoms similar to what we now define as ADHD dates back to 1798, by Sir Alexander Crichton, a Scottish physician.
Although there is abundant research on the cause of ADHD, it remains a hot topic due to its complex diagnosis, heterogeneous symptoms and controversial treatment.
As a clinical nurse who has worked with children and their families for nearly 20 years and a doctoral student in family sciences at the Université du Québec en Outaouais (UQO), I have been deepening my knowledge of the relationship difficulties experienced by families with a child living with ADHD for several years.
As the mother of two teenage girls with ADHD, I realized that many parents face the same challenges I do on a daily basis.
(Jonathan Borba/Unsplash)
Impact of a child’s ADHD on the family
Parents of children with ADHD may experience more stress and conflict in their relationship with their child, according to a study conducted in Great Britain in 2021.
The way parents respond to their child’s ADHD symptoms can influence their sense of parental competence and influence their parenting style in two ways: either toward criticism and rejection of the child, or toward permissiveness and indulgence. So it can have serious consequences on the relationship with their child.
In numerous studies, parents mention two areas that are primarily affected by their child’s ADHD: the child’s schooling and the family’s quality of life.
Stigmatization children and parents experience
Being the parent of a child with ADHD can be very demanding. In addition to dealing with the symptoms of ADHD, parents may face stigmatizing attitudes. According to a study conducted by Spanish researchers in 2017, the judgments received are mainly related to the child’s behaviour and the choice of whether to treat the symptoms with psychostimulant medications.
Furthermore, these judgments come mainly from people who are supposed to be supporting the family — namely, extended family, teachers and community members. Parents may then experience distress, sadness and a feeling of helplessness similar to grief. They may experience painful emotions like anger, frustration, depression and impaired social and professional functioning.
Parental stress and its impact on children
According to a study published in 2022, the stress experienced by parents of children with ADHD stems in part from their low sense of parental competence.
Efforts to simply alleviate the symptoms of ADHD would therefore be ineffective in reducing the burden on the family. When a parent is stressed, their emotional availability to the child is reduced. That means they are less responsive to the child’s needs, which can have adverse consequences on the child’s development and behaviour and can, in turn, increase ADHD symptoms.
Given that ADHD has a strong hereditary component, it is highly likely that parents whose children have ADHD also have it themselves. During times of stress, both the parent and the child with ADHD may experience moments of frustration and anger in response to minor provocations, which can impact the parent-child relationship and diminish a parent’s feeling of competence.
When a parent doubts their competence, the entire family dynamic can suffer. Parental stress is linked to several issues: behavioural problems in children, tensions in the parent-child relationship and other difficulties that may arise during adolescence.
Parents with ADHD also have strengths
Parents who themselves have ADHD may experience difficulties, but they may also be more empathetic and tolerant of their child’s problems and better at engaging with them.
A good understanding of their child’s ADHD symptoms allows parents to adjust their expectations and provide the support their child needs on a daily basis, thereby limiting conflicts and reducing parental distress. It will also promote a better parent-child relationship, which will optimize the quality of life for the whole family.
It has been shown that education programs designed to help parents of school-aged children better manage their stress — by providing them with tools for communication, family resilience and managing emotion and stress — greatly improve their ability to care for their children.
Developing realistic expectations
In addition, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends parents complete a training program before diagnosing ADHD and treating preschool-aged children with medication. This helps parents adjust their expectations to their child’s actual abilities and better manage problematic behaviours.
Having realistic expectations of your child, specifically their attention span, can help change a parent’s perspective, reduce negative thoughts and make everyday life easier. This will improve parents’ sense of competence and optimize the quality of life for the whole family.
Although there are already many tools available to improve children’s attention spans and reduce their ADHD symptoms, this circular perspective offers new avenues for solutions to help families.
Focusing on improving interactions between family members and the influence they have on each other may not only improve the child’s quality of life, but their family’s as well.
Elisabeth Lefebvre, Infirmière Msc., étudiante au doctorat en sciences de la famille, Université du Québec en Outaouais (UQO)
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
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BabyYumYum FAQs: How to Maintain Family Balance When Your Child Has ADHD
What does it mean to maintain family balance when raising a child with ADHD?
Maintaining family balance means creating structure, calm and connection while managing the unique challenges ADHD can bring. It’s about supporting your child’s needs without letting ADHD dominate family life or relationships.
How can we create a calmer home environment?
Consistency is key. Set clear routines, use visual schedules, and give gentle reminders for transitions like bedtime or homework. Keeping noise and clutter to a minimum also helps children with ADHD feel more settled.
What are practical ways to manage daily challenges?
Break big tasks into small, achievable steps. Give clear, simple instructions and use positive reinforcement. Celebrate small wins and remember that progress may come slowly – patience and empathy go a long way.
How can we reduce stress for parents and siblings?
Share responsibilities where possible and plan regular breaks for each parent. Make time for one-on-one moments with siblings to prevent resentment and ensure they feel valued too.
What role does routine play in managing ADHD?
Children with ADHD thrive on predictability. Consistent mealtimes, bedtime and homework slots provide structure and reduce anxiety. When changes are unavoidable, prepare your child in advance.
How should I handle emotional outbursts or frustration?
Stay calm and avoid escalating the situation. Use calm-down corners or teach breathing exercises. Afterwards, discuss what happened in a supportive way to help your child recognise and manage emotions.
How can both parents stay on the same page?
Regular communication is vital. Discuss discipline approaches, boundaries, and rewards together so your child receives consistent responses. Attend ADHD workshops or counselling as a team if possible.
What if I’m a single parent?
Build a support network whether it’s family, friends, teachers, or parent groups. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Taking breaks and prioritising self-care helps you stay patient and emotionally present.
How can schools support family balance?
Collaborate with teachers and request an individualised support plan. Schools can help by offering structure, movement breaks and understanding around homework challenges. Stay in regular contact with educators.
How can I prevent burnout as a parent?
Schedule downtime, exercise, and moments of fun unrelated to ADHD. Connecting with other parents facing similar challenges can also help reduce feelings of isolation and stress.
Can therapy help our family?
Yes. Family or behavioural therapy can help improve communication, set boundaries and teach coping strategies that work for everyone. It’s not just for your child as it benefits the whole household.
Disclaimer: This information is for general parenting guidance and should not replace professional medical or psychological advice. For diagnosis or tailored ADHD management, consult your child’s paediatrician, psychologist or occupational therapist.
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