Dealing with toddler tantrums is a common yet challenging part of parenting. These emotional outbursts often arise from frustration, tiredness, or a desire for independence. While tantrums are a normal phase of childhood, they can leave parents feeling stressed and unsure of how to respond. In this guide, we’ll explore 7 ways to deal with toddler tantrums effectively. From staying calm to setting boundaries, these tips will help you navigate these tricky moments while nurturing your child’s emotional growth.
Any toddler parent will have experienced the horrors of a full-blown temper tantrum. Counselling psychotherapist and parenting expert Dr Karen Phillip offers advice on how to avoid meltdowns and deal with toddler temper tantrums by employing these successful strategies and solutions.
Tantrum solution: Ignore them
It can take a lot of self-control and can go against every natural parenting urge in your body, but ignoring your toddler when he’s having a meltdown or temper tantrum can shift the power back to you and help him calm down. Karen says that allowing them time to settle by ignoring their behaviour can work in your favour.
“The child wants attention. They want you to fold and give them what they want,” she explains. “Standing firm and not reacting sends the message that you will not tolerate the behaviour and they won’t benefit from a tantrum.”
Tantrum solution: A space saviour
Distancing yourself from your little one or giving him some time on his own to settle when they throw a tantrum will allow him to let off any steam. After the storm has passed, take the opportunity to talk to your tot and help them understand their irrational behaviour.
Karen advises, “Discuss the behaviour and ask the child how they could respond differently next time. Help the child develop ideas of how they can choose a different response and support them in this choice.”
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Tantrum solution: The art of distraction
Giving a screaming toddler a distraction can curtail any tantrum. If you have learnt the tell-tale signs and can spot an imminent meltdown, don’t be afraid to whip out their favourite toy or ask them about the world around them to give them a new focus.
Karen suggests, “Saying something totally outside what they expect draws their attention away from what they are escalating over. In a reasonably loud voice, ask a question such as, ‘Did you see the dolphin swim?'”
Tantrum solution: Be empathetic
As toddlers have a limited vocabulary, sometimes we can misinterpret what they’re upset about, which can cause tantrums to escalate. You may clearly see that your little one is distressed, but they might be at a loss for words to explain their troubles.
“Showing empathy and understanding can validate a child’s feelings,” says Karen. She suggests using a soft voice and asking your child to tell you or show you how you can help, or the reason for their tantrum.
Tantrum solution: A change of scenery
If your tot decides that the middle of aisle four at the supermarket is prime real estate for a tantrum, try not to fret. Aside from saving you some embarrassment, moving your toddler to another area can help him to regain composure faster and deflect his attention more effectively. “Going outside or to another room to engage them with sights, sounds, items and smells can quickly curb their escalation or tantrum,” says Karen.
Tantrum solution: Snack or sleep?
Have you ever been hangry? If so, you can understand exactly how your toddler can get irate when he’s lacking food. Sleep deprivation can also cause him to become upset, so ask him if he’d like a nap or a small, healthy snack. Karen advises, “Never offer sugary or junk foods as this may escalate the child’s behaviour. Foods can also send a message that snacks and sweets are a comfort or bribe food and we never want this.”
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Tantrum solution: Cuddle therapy
Sometimes a big hug from mom or dad can help your toddler to feel reassured and calm again, without any strong words or questions needed. Karen says, “Providing a child with hugs of affection help them to feel loved, appreciated and recognised as important to you.
Sometimes a hug or cuddle can send a stronger message than any words can.” Connecting with your little one on this level makes him feel safe and can quash any upset feelings.
FAQs: Ways to Deal with Toddler Tantrums
Why do toddlers have tantrums?
Tantrums often occur because toddlers are still learning to express their feelings. They may be frustrated, tired, hungry, or overwhelmed and don’t have the words or patience to handle these emotions calmly.
How should I respond when my child starts a tantrum?
Stay calm, speak softly, and avoid shouting. Showing that you can remain in control sets a positive example, and helps prevent the situation from escalating further.
What can I say to acknowledge my child’s feelings?
Use simple, empathetic statements like, “I know you’re upset” or “I can see that you’re frustrated.” This reassures them that their feelings are valid, which can help ease their distress.
Are there strategies to prevent tantrums before they start?
Yes. Ensuring your child is well-rested, fed, and given time to transition between activities can reduce tantrums. Offering limited choices, like choosing between two snacks, can also help them feel in control.
How can I use distraction to help with a tantrum?
Gently guide their attention towards something else, such as a favourite toy, a story, or looking at something interesting outside. A new focus can shift their mood and help them calm down.
Should I give in to what my child wants to stop a tantrum?
It’s best not to give in just to end the tantrum. Instead, remain consistent with your boundaries. Giving in can teach them that tantrums are an effective way to get what they want.
What if my child doesn’t want physical comfort during a tantrum?
Not all children want hugs or to be held when upset. Respect their space, but stay nearby so they know you’re available. Sometimes just your calming presence can help them settle.
How do I keep my instructions clear during a tantrum?
Keep it simple and use a few calm words. This reduces confusion and shows your child that, even though they’re upset, the rules and limits remain the same.
How can praise help with tantrums?
After your child has calmed down, praising them for settling themselves shows you’ve noticed their effort. For example, “I’m proud of how you calmed down” reinforces positive behaviour and self-control.
Is it normal for tantrums to happen regularly?
Yes, tantrums are a normal part of toddler development. As they grow and learn to communicate better, the frequency and intensity of tantrums usually decrease.
What if tantrums occur in public places?
If possible, move to a quieter area and use the same calm, reassuring approach. Don’t worry about what others think—focus on helping your child feel safe and understood.
When should I consider seeking professional help about tantrums?
If tantrums seem unusually intense, frequent, or continue well beyond the toddler years, it may help to speak with a paediatrician or child psychologist. They can provide guidance tailored to your child’s specific needs.
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