4 reasons parents should apologise to kids? It may seem unnecessary to some, but saying “I’m sorry” can be one of the most powerful parenting tools you have. When we own our mistakes, we model accountability and emotional maturity—something our children will carry into their own lives. It’s about respect, trust, and connection. And let’s be honest, no parent is perfect—so why pretend we are? Written by Pamela Madonsela.
Growing up in a society that has never taught parents to deny their mistakes nor apologise to their children is challenging. Years later, parents can admit that saying sorry to their child is uncomfortable but necessary, especially if your parenting vision is to raise a generation that will understand the importance of apologising and owning up to their mistakes.
Professional social worker and parenting expert Joey Dlamini say it is important to apologise because parents are human and imperfect. “Despite our good intentions, we will sometimes hurt our kids,” Joey says. When we hurt our children, we should acknowledge our wrongs instead of dismissing their feelings. “Acknowledging your mistakes also removes the unrealistic pressure of being a perfect parent,” she adds.
I grew up in a household where my mother never apologised to my siblings and me. We could never question that because she was the adult, and hers was the final word. That did not stop me from flipping the script with my kids. I apologise to my 4-year-old daughter after noticing that I have hurt her. What I realise is that she also does the same. She apologises to her brother and me when she has done something wrong.
Parents need to teach their kids how to behave by modelling that same behaviour, and Dlamini attests to this. “You model the kind of relationship you want with your child because children are more likely to do what they see rather than what they hear from you, especially if your actions seem contradictory.”
Here are a few things Dlamini says to remember when apologising to kids
Feelings are valid
Apologising affirms your kids as they learn that their feelings are valid and worth being acknowledged. This is a great lesson to learn from an early age. They also learn that their parent’s feelings are valid too. They can be upset, but they can apologise for an outburst.
Repair a potential harm
By apologising you can repair the harm that you might have caused which will help build trust between you and your child. Shouting at children does not do well for relationships. Even adults do not like hearing someone shout at them. The same principle applies to children. Shouting dysregulates children, and apologising may encourage connection again.
Do not excuse the behaviour
When apologising to children, be mindful that you don’t excuse your behaviour or blame your child. The goal should be to model taking responsibility for your actions. E.g. instead of “I’m sorry for hurting you but you made me angry,” rather say, “I am sorry for hurting you. I know it was wrong of me to do it. When you do 123, I feel angry and I need to work on that.”
Use the sandwich method
When correcting your child, use the sandwich method. Start with a compliment, correct the action, and then conclude with another one. Brains are hardwired to start with negatives. When we sit our children down, they expect to be scolded. A complement may set the ground for the correction.
Think of it as planting a garden. The first complement prepares the soil. You correct the behaviour by planting the seed and then finishing off with some seed maintenance.
YOU MUST CHECK OUT: The Ultimate 7-Day Parenting Plan Journal (Free Download)
BabyYumYum FAQs: Reasons Parents Should Apologise to Kids
Why should parents apologise to their children?
Apologising shows children that everyone makes mistakes and that taking responsibility is important. It builds trust, models respectful behaviour, and teaches emotional intelligence.
Does saying sorry to my child weaken my authority?
No. It actually strengthens your relationship. It shows your child that respect goes both ways and that even adults are accountable for their actions.
When is it appropriate to apologise to my child?
Any time you’ve lost your temper, spoken harshly, made an unfair assumption, or acted in a way you regret—it’s okay to say sorry, no matter how small the moment may seem.
What message does an apology send to my child?
It tells them their feelings matter and that mistakes can be repaired. It helps them feel heard, valued, and respected.
How should I apologise to my child?
Be sincere and specific. Say what you’re sorry for and how you plan to do better. Avoid saying, “I’m sorry, but…” which shifts blame.
Can apologising help with discipline?
Yes. It shows that discipline isn’t about power or punishment, but about learning and connection. It can make your child more receptive and cooperative.
Will my child take advantage if I keep apologising?
Not if your apologies are genuine and followed by positive action. It sets the tone for mutual respect, not permissiveness.
Does apologising help my child learn empathy?
Absolutely. Children who experience apologies learn how to offer their own. It encourages them to think about how their actions affect others.
What if I was right, but my reaction was wrong?
You can still apologise for your tone, volume, or how you made your child feel, even if your boundaries or rules were valid.
Can apologising repair a damaged relationship with my child?
Yes. A heartfelt apology can open the door to healing, especially if your child feels misunderstood, hurt, or disconnected.
Should I apologise in front of others or privately?
If the mistake happened in front of others, a public apology is appropriate. Otherwise, private apologies can be more personal and meaningful.
What if I’ve never apologised to my child before?
It’s never too late to start. Even a simple “I realise I was wrong earlier, and I’m sorry” can make a big impact and start a new pattern of openness.
Disclaimer: This content is intended for general parenting support and does not replace professional psychological advice. If you are facing ongoing conflict or emotional challenges in your family, consider speaking to a qualified counsellor or therapist.
The importance of parental self-care in effective parenting is clear: when you care for yourself, you show up stronger and more present for your kids.
