Solo Parenting and Self-Healing: Vuyokazi Nciweni Speaks Out

It’s been over a year since influencer and reality TV personality Vuyokazi Nciweni ended her relationship with Mpumelelo Mseleku, the father of her two children and son of well-known polygamist Musa Mseleku.

South Africans fell in love with Vuyokazi through Mzansi Magic’s hit reality show Izingane Zes’thembu, the spin-off of the DSTV channel’s much-loved reality series Uthando Nes’thembu. At the time, she was in a relationship with Mpumelelo, who, like his father, openly expressed his desire to pursue polygamy.

Their five-year relationship began with promise, but things shifted when Mpumelelo relocated from KwaZulu-Natal to Johannesburg. Since their separation, Vuyokazi has taken on the full responsibility of raising their children, Mhlophekazi and Nzulu, navigating single motherhood with grace, grit and a growing online community watching her every move.

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After the breakup, she found love again with Chef Xolani Sabelo, who paid lobola in hopes of making her his first wife. However, that chapter, too, came with its own challenges and eventually closed.

Now, in an exclusive interview with BabyYumYum.com, the mother of two bares it all. From the quiet victories and daily demands of raising her children alone, to the emotional and physical recovery following her recent mommy makeover, Vuyokazi shares her story with honesty, vulnerability and a voice that’s distinctly her own.

What has your parenting journey been like recently?

I’m not complaining about parenthood at all, because I’ve got a lot of support. My parents and aunt help me with my kids, which makes everything easier. I’m a happy mom because of the support I get from my family. My kids are happy, I’m happy, and right now, motherhood feels perfect.

Does their father ever reach out to assist?

I’ll say this: there’s no co-parenting, no allowance, no involvement. It’s just me and my parents raising my kids.

What role does family play in giving your children stability and love?

My parents are incredible. They support me financially when I struggle, they buy things for the kids, and they adore them. My mom even posts them daily on WhatsApp. Their love gives my kids so much stability.

What self-care practices have you found helpful to prevent burnout as a single mother?

Firstly, I just want to clarify that I’m not co-parenting. It’s literally just me, and I do everything alone. My kids depend on me and my parents; there’s no father in the picture. My parents make it easier for me to still focus on my personal life, and without them, it would be difficult.

How do you make time for yourself outside of motherhood without feeling guilty?

I’m an introvert, so I’m home most of the time. When I go out, it’s usually for work, like brand deals, collaborations, or events. My parents encourage me to take breaks, but I hardly ever go out just for fun. I don’t feel guilty because I know I’m building a future for my kids.

What keeps you motivated on tough days?

Prayer keeps me going. On bad days, I remind myself it’s temporary.

A year has passed since your public breakup with Mpumelelo Mseleku. How has your perspective on motherhood changed in this time, while still healing and being present for your children?

It wasn’t easy. My mom supported me a lot; sometimes she even cried with me. I was depressed, but I made sure my kids didn’t see me broken. I smiled, played, and took them out. At night, I cried alone. I even created YouTube content with them to keep myself focused on them instead of the negativity.

Looking back, what would you tell your 2024 self about life after walking away?

I would tell her that it gets better. I wish I could go back, hold her hand, and say, “You’ll become stronger, you’ll love yourself, and everything will look easier.” Believe in God, have faith, focus on yourself, don’t compare yourself to anyone, and never look back.

Motherhood is never easy, especially when you’re parenting alone. What lessons have you learned about yourself as a woman and as a mother?

I’ve learned to always choose myself and think of my kids first. What happened last year was a big wake-up call. I realised I needed to protect myself and my children when making decisions, especially about partners.

Has being a single mother shifted how you view love and relationships?

Yes. My kids have nothing to do with my love life, and no man will come near them. My parents don’t want any man around my kids unless it’s a husband one day. Last year, I made a bad choice and learned my lesson. My priority is protecting my children.

What has been the most empowering part of parenting on your own?

Achieving things I thought I couldn’t, like planning my daughter’s first birthday party all by myself. Seeing her happy made me realise I don’t need to beg anyone for help.

What values are you most intentional about teaching your children now?

Especially for my daughter, I want her to love herself and make better choices than I did. I want her to learn from my story, to grow up independent, strong, and not repeat my mistakes.

Have you found strength in other single mother stories?

Yes, and even married women come to me for advice. Some women have told me they left toxic relationships because they saw me do it. That encourages me. I choose loneliness over toxicity.

What message would you give to women afraid to leave toxic relationships because of their kids?

Don’t stay in relationships that break you mentally. Take your kids and leave. Life has so much to offer, and you’re not losing anything if you walk away from someone who doesn’t care.

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