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Tantrums, defiance, bad behaviour and pushing the boundaries are words that we often hear in the same sentence as “toddler”. Those without children may say things like, “my child will never behave like that”, while parents are likely to respond, “just you wait and see”. The age group two to four years old is renowned for their outbursts, but not every situation needs to end badly for either the parent or the child.
A couple of years ago I found myself in the unfortunate position of being in a queue at the till of a busy supermarket. It was around 12.30pm on a Saturday. At the next till was a heavily pregnant woman with a full trolley and a toddler. The toddler was demanding a sweetie to which his mommy sweetly said, “no darling, its lunchtime”.
With that the toddler hit the floor and spun like a beetle on his back, kicking and screaming with arms and legs flailing. His mother was mortified and tried her best to get the child to stop. In the end the mommy was crying and the toddler had successfully disrupted matters to such an extent that the mother left her trolley at the till and walked out.
The majority of the other people in the store were staring at her, some empathising with her and others with their own opinion on her parenting ability. My heart broke for both of them.
Most often a tantrum is the only way a young child can express their frustration. Children in this age group may have limited communication skills so letting you know how they are feeling gets acted out rather than verbalised. Not all children will fling themselves to the floor crying – kicking, hitting, biting, and breath holding are other forms of temper tantrums. Generally, as communication skills improve, so does a child’s behaviour.
Between the ages of two and four a child often wants to do and control more than he or she is capable of. This can certainly lead to a power struggle between the adult and child resulting in a tantrum.
These children are also testing boundaries as they begin to experience a sense of independence. Being told “no” when “I want to do it myself” is not going to go down well.
In addition, if your child is hungry, tired, overwhelmed or feeling ill then he or she is more likely to experience a meltdown of emotions, leading to a tantrum.
There is no doubt that personality has a lot to do with this. Some children are just headstrong and want to do things their way more often. I don’t believe that any child sets out to embarrass mommy or daddy but if your child has a strong personality and is easily frustrated, then the chances of a tantrum when words fail them is more likely.
Older children who throw tantrums have usually learned that they can get their own way if they behave badly. If a tantrum is rewarded with something the child wants or if the child gets out of doing what they are told just because the parent is fearful of a tantrum, then this behaviour continues for way longer than it should.
Remember the toddler in the supermarket? It was midday, the little tiger was most likely tired and hungry. Mommy was busy shopping so probably not paying much attention to him and mommy was exhausted. All of these things would have been enough to trigger a meltdown.
Study after study has shown that hitting a child for bad behaviour is completely ineffective. In fact, it often rienforces the bad behaviour and a child who gets smacked will seldom learn to self-regulate. Methods which have been shown to be effective include:
Make sure the consequence for bad behaviour is appropriate and happens immediately after the episode. Let’s say your child is pouring water out of the bath and onto the floor. Suggest a different game but if another cup of water lands on the floor pull out the bath plug and bath time is done. Your little one will soon cotton on to the fact that mommy or daddy means business if he or she doesn’t comply.
The theory behind time out is that it gives the child an opportunity to calm down and get back control. Choose a place that has no distractions but that is safe and within your view. The study or dining room are not particularly interesting but could be a good space to calm down in. Allow the child to go into that space and to choose when he or she has calmed down sufficiently to join you again.
If the child doesn’t co-operate, set a timer. Your kitchen timer can be very effective. Two or 3 minutes may be all that is necessary. When the bell rings the child can join you again. If you are not at home, then a couple of minutes of silence works a charm. We used to use this technique very effectively when our children were squabbling or getting out of hand.
The command for silence must be firm. The child has to sit still and keep absolutely quiet for a full minute. It doesn’t sound like much but a minute is a very long time for a little person. Time-out is effective if the child is being destructive or if the tantrum really escalates. I would use this sparingly because it does lose its effectiveness if over used.
There may be times when your child is just seriously out of control. Biting, hitting, kicking or running into the street may require you to take swift action, especially when there is no time for a nice explanation and distractions. Should this happen, hold your child until he or she calms down. Once your child is calm you will probably be able to talk quietly and explain why the behaviour is unacceptable.
Being a parent is tough and it can be particularly difficult if you have a difficult child. Being aware that children do go through phases of saying “no” or throwing tantrums does help and certainly doesn’t mean that you will have a delinquent teenager. Having said this, some children can have behavioural disorders that may make schooling and socialising difficult for them in the future.
Experts agree that labelling a child as having a behavioural disorder under the age of five years old is not ideal. In this young age group it is really difficult to distinguish between what is normal and what is not. Taking the measures we have discussed above or perhaps getting help from a play therapist may provide your child with the skills to better explain feelings and frustrations.
Behavioural disorders include conditions like ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, the autism spectrum, anxiety disorders and depression. If you as parents are struggling with a child’s behaviour and feedback from nursery school is suggestive of a behavioural issue, then I would recommend that you speak to your healthcare practitioner.
Conditions such as autism are best addressed as soon as possible. Delays in speech, the inability to interact with others and delayed milestones can all be supported through early intervention.
It is not recommended that treatment for ADHD is started before the age of five years but support from a psychologist that uses behaviour modification methods may be of tremendous value.
Parenting is by far the toughest job but like all jobs, what you put in will definitely affect the outcomes. While no parent enjoys disciplining a child, we have to accept that this is one of the most important things we will ever do.
A child needs boundaries from an early age and this means well before his or her second birthday. There are various parenting styles and each of these will ultimately determine the type of adult you are grooming. The parent who has strict rules but who has empathy for the child and has good listening skills is seen to be the most effective. This style is known as authoritative parenting.
The parent who sets no rules and allows the child to behave as if the world belongs to him or her is likely to raise a child with poor self-esteem and a lack of self-control. The effects are seen well into the teenage years and often into adulthood.
The terrible twos and the trying threes are also very rewarding years for parents. These little tigers will reveal their personalities and give you a whole lot of joy while you provide them with a safe and secure home where their feelings are validated.
References
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/in-depth/parenting-tips-for-toddlers/art-20044684
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles
https://pedsinreview.aappublications.org/
http://www.heardalliance.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Parenting-Temper-Tantrums.pdf
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/behavioral-disorders-in-children
https://www.regain.us/advice/parenting/the-risks-of-having-an-uninvolved- parenting-style/
ALSO READ: 7 ways to deal with toddler tantrums
Stressed parent? Use the Parent Emotion Reset Timer to help keep you calm before you respond to your child.
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Children do not always ask for more attention with words. Sometimes they show it through changes in behaviour emotions or habits that can easily be …
However, these two behaviours come from very different causes, and knowing the difference can make a huge impact on how you respond. This is especially important for children with sensory processing challenges or autism spectrum disorder (ASD).
A tantrum is a reaction to frustration—typically when a child doesn’t get what they want. This could be anything from being denied a treat to wanting attention. Tantrums are usually goal-driven, meaning that the child is using the behaviour to influence the situation.
During a tantrum, a child often retains some level of control and may even pause to see if their reaction is having the desired effect. Once they realise that their strategy isn’t working (or they achieve their goal), the tantrum tends to stop.
Key Characteristics of a Tantrum:
Unlike a tantrum, a meltdown isn’t about control—it’s a reaction to overwhelming stress or sensory overload. Children with ASD or sensory processing challenges can struggle when there’s too much happening around them—loud noises, bright lights, crowded spaces, or sudden routine changes can send them into a state of distress.
During a meltdown, a child loses control of their behaviour. Unlike a tantrum, they aren’t trying to manipulate a situation—they are simply unable to cope. Even after removing the triggering factor, the child may take time to calm down.
Key Characteristics of a Meltdown:
| Feature | Tantrum | Meltdown |
|---|---|---|
| Cause | Frustration over not getting something they want. | Sensory overload or extreme emotional distress. |
| Control | The child may stop to check reactions and adjust behaviour. | The child is overwhelmed and cannot stop their response. |
| Goal-Driven? | Yes – trying to change a situation or get attention. | No – it’s an uncontrollable reaction to overload. |
| Response to Environment | The child may calm down if they get what they want. | The meltdown continues even if triggers are removed. |
| How It Ends | When the child realises they won’t get their way or gets what they want. | When the child’s nervous system has calmed down. |
Understanding whether your child is having a tantrum or a meltdown helps you choose the right approach to support them.
Meltdowns can be distressing for both the child and caregiver. The goal isn’t to stop the meltdown instantly but to help the child regulate their emotions and prevent escalation.
Move your child to a quiet area away from bright lights, noise, or crowds. If possible, create a designated calm space at home with dim lighting and soft textures. This helps to reduce sensory overload and allows them to regain control.
Some children respond well to deep pressure therapy—this could be a weighted blanket, a firm hug, or a gentle squeeze. These sensations provide sensory input that helps regulate emotions.
Your energy affects theirs. Remain composed and use a soothing voice to let them know they are safe. Avoid using logic or reasoning during a meltdown—it’s not a behavioural choice, and they aren’t in a place to process information.
If your child struggles with verbal communication, use visual aids to help them express emotions. This could be emotion cards, a drawing activity, or sign language.
Fidget toys, stress balls, or sensory bottles can help children self-regulate before a meltdown fully escalates. Keeping these tools handy can be useful for early intervention.
If your child has specific triggers (e.g., loud places, unfamiliar environments), work on gradual exposure with positive reinforcement. This can help build tolerance over time.
When your child is calm, practice breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, and quiet-time routines. Helping them recognise early signs of distress can reduce the intensity of future meltdowns.
At first glance, tantrums and meltdowns may look the same, but understanding their differences is key to responding effectively. Tantrums are about frustration and control, while meltdowns stem from overwhelm and sensory distress.
By recognising what your child is experiencing, you can choose the right approach to support them, helping them feel safe, understood, and better equipped to manage their emotions.
References
Make car journeys with neurodivergent kids easier with 7 simple strategies that support comfort, routine and emotional regulation on the road.
In 2018, an article was published that outlined the critical value of play in the development of children. The same article stressed how important it is for healthcare practitioners to emphasise and encourage play, when conducting developmental assessments. This same article was reaffirmed in January 2025. It stated that:
“Play is not frivolous: it enhances brain structure and function and promotes executive function (i.e., the process of learning, rather than the content), which allow us to pursue goals and ignore distractions.” See the article here.
As a paediatrican I do feel that it is my duty to support parents in their quest to raise children who can reach their full potential. For this reason, I believe it is important to highlight play as an essential part of a child’s health. Play not only develops life skills, but also provides a means to manage toxic stress.
Executive functioning, cognitive skills, language acquisition and so on are massive concepts. They are critical but are very academic. I would rather have a down to earth chat about the importance of play and what we as parents should be providing as toys for such learning to take place.
In my garden I have a little, wooden Wendy house. Inside are the toys my daughter used to play with. A little kitchen with pots and pans, plates and cutlery. There is a toy pram, a scruffy doll and a little blanket. In the corner is a dressing table with wooden accessories. Years have passed since my daughter played inside but now, I watch with joy, as my little granddaughter of 22 months, fills the house with activity. Any willing adult is drawn into the space to participate in the imaginary play. At just 22 months she enacts scenes that she has observed in the world around her.
Language: Each item in the Wendy house has a name. Often, the adult interacting will repeat the word and probably ask what she wants to do with it. “You have a pot and a spoon. Are you going to cook baby some food?” She is developing receptive language, making a decision and carrying out an action suggested by language.
Organisation skills: The items inside the house have their own place. “Should we put the plates on the shelf or on the floor?” She doesn’t like mess and will usually say “away” as she places the plates on the shelf. In so doing she is organising but also making use of visual perceptive, memory skills. She needs to remember where she found the item and what order they were in.
Perceptual skills: Certain lids will only fit on certain pots so she tries various ones until she finds the correct one. In doing this she is actually matching shapes and developing eye-hand co-ordination. Manipulating the lid to get it onto the pot is a skill that requires fine motor control. Finding the right lid for the pot is encouraging problem solving as well.
Empathy: She takes time to wrap the baby in a blanket and offers it a bottle. Along with the empathy she is learning compassion and the importance of nurturing a relationship. She will often pretend that the baby is crying, then pick it up and cuddle it. This emotional awareness will have a positive effect on how she will interact with other children in a real-life situation.
Self-awareness: The dressing table has a stool and mirror. She is fascinated by her reflection and spends time smiling at herself and making faces that lead to much giggling. Academically what is happening is that her visual development is being stimulated. She is becoming self-aware and there is an enormous amount of social-emotional learning taking place. A smile generates a feeling of joy and a funny face, humour. When looking at herself in the mirror she is also able to identify and name her body parts.
Interpersonal skills and bonding: The time spent in the Wendy house is sacred. It is free from distractions, there is no media and my granddaughter has the undivided attention of an adult. The toys are an instrument to promote interpersonal skills and bonding between the child and adult. If there were an electronic device involved the child would become isolated and the cognitive and language development would be reduced.
I hope my example has led to the understanding that toys don’t have to be new or state of the art with lights flashing, music and excessive stimulus. These kinds of toys usually only have a single function and limit imagination and free play. What is more, the electronic toys and tablet-based toys take away the critical social engagement that traditional toys offer. If a child is staring at a screen or a toy is doing the singing or talking, facial expressions, gestures and vocalization is lost. If on the other hand, an adult is engaging with the child through a toy and imaginative play, all these wonderful social skills are maintained.
What is important is that the toy is safe. It should be made from non-toxic materials, have no sharp edges or have tiny parts that could be a choking hazard. If you want to buy a toy, here are some suggestions for what they offer in terms of skills:
Any toy can be “educational” if it encourages a child to play, enact real-life situations, develop language and to have meaningful social interactions. Medical literature is stressing the value of “traditional toys” such as dolls, cars, card games, blocks, puzzles and so on. What these “traditional toys” do is to provide an opportunity for the child to choose the direction of the play and to use the time to express feelings and develop new skills.
An electronic device is programmed for specific tasks and doesn’t encourage interaction with peers or parents. In so doing the benefits of social-emotional, self-regulation, language skills are lost. I am not saying that electronic devices do not have a role in education but in the early years, these benefits are minimal. What we want to encourage is a child with an imagination that can turn the living room into Jurassic Park, a box into a space ship and the jungle gym into the Amazon. By doing this we will be preparing our children with the skills needed to succeed in the 21st century. Problem solving, collaboration, creativity and the ability to communicate effectively will set them apart.
References:
RSV cases are on the rise in South Africa. Learn how to differentiate between a common cold, COVID-19 and RSV in your infant and when …
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Temperature or fever is the body’s natural response to an infection – the infection may either be viral or bacterial. Children may also develop a fever after vaccinations or as a result of trauma. When a child has a high temperature, it can be extremely distressing to parents and certainly makes the child listless and miserable. Knowing how to control your child’s temperature and how to treat a fever at home is an important part of caring for a sick child.
ALSO READ: Why won’t my baby stop crying?
Wondering how to treat a child’s fever at home? My advice to parents when dealing with fever is to control the temperature with medication first. The medicine dose is based on your child’s weight – please be sure to follow the instructions carefully. If you are unsure of how to calculate the correct dose of medication, you should contact your healthcare provider.
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What NOT to do when your child has a fever
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It’s safe to say that all children will have a temperature or fever at some time. The key to handling the situation is to have what you need at home. Make sure that you have a reliable thermometer. The new thermo scanners (used on the forehead or in the ear) are quick and easy to use. Please avoid the old mercury thermometers, as these can cause poisoning if dropped and the mercury leaks out.
Ensuring that you have paracetamol in your medicine cupboard with a syringe to accurately measure the medicine is a good idea. Please check expiry dates on all medicines regularly. Temperatures do cause a lot of stress but with the correct management, it can be controlled. Control is the key to keeping your child comfortable until the illness passes.
This article was written for BabyYumYum by our partner paediatrician, Dr Maraschin.
CHECK OUT: Printable Baby Illness Logbook for Doctor Visits Made Simple
What is considered a fever in children?
A fever in children is typically a body temperature of 38°C (100.4°F) or higher.
What causes fevers in children?
Fevers are usually caused by infections, such as colds, flu, or ear infections. They are a natural response to fight off illness.
How can I treat my child’s fever at home?
You can give them plenty of fluids to stay hydrated, dress them in lightweight clothing, use a lukewarm sponge bath, and administer age-appropriate fever-reducing medication like paracetamol or ibuprofen as directed.
Should I always try to lower my child’s fever?
Not always. If your child is comfortable and playing despite the fever, treatment may not be necessary. Focus on their overall behaviour rather than just the temperature.
When should I take my child to the doctor for a fever?
See a doctor if the fever lasts more than three days, if your child is under three months old with a fever of 38°C or higher, or if they show symptoms like rash, difficulty breathing, or extreme drowsiness.
Can teething cause a fever?
Teething might cause a slight rise in temperature but not a fever. If your child has a fever, it is likely due to another cause.
Is it safe to use a cold compress to reduce fever?
A lukewarm compress or bath can help, but avoid using cold water or ice as it may cause shivering, which can raise body temperature further.
Can I alternate between paracetamol and ibuprofen?
It’s best to follow your doctor’s advice. If alternating is suggested, ensure the medications are spaced appropriately to avoid overdosing.
What are signs of dehydration in a child with a fever?
Signs include a dry mouth, lack of tears when crying, reduced urination, and lethargy. Encourage fluids to prevent dehydration.
Should I let my child ‘sweat out’ the fever?
No, overdressing or bundling your child can worsen the fever. Keep them comfortable with light clothing and a cool environment.
Are febrile seizures dangerous?
Febrile seizures can be alarming but are usually harmless. If your child experiences one, place them on their side, clear the area, and seek medical advice immediately.
Can fever indicate a serious condition?
Yes, fever can sometimes signal serious conditions like meningitis or a bacterial infection. Monitor for severe symptoms like a stiff neck, sensitivity to light, or persistent vomiting, and seek immediate medical attention if these occur.
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When your child is ill, we as parents want nothing more than to wave a magic wand and take away our child’s discomfort. Unfortunately symptoms …
Mention the word ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) around the table at a family gathering, and you’re likely to hear many, many opinions about the existence and treatment of the condition. This is certainly to the dismay of many academics. Over the last couple of decades, a significant amount of misinformation has been circulated. As a result, many people have become sceptical about the existence of ADHD — and even more so about its medical management.
With all this misinformation, parents who find themselves with a child struggling with inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity often feel completely overwhelmed as they try to figure out what they should be focusing on to help their child.
I always feel that understanding what we are talking about is a good place to start. Let’s define ADHD, tackle a few common myths, and provide some tangible facts.
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a prevalent condition caused by neurobiological variations in the brain. These variations disrupt brain development, making children with ADHD more likely to demonstrate inattention, impulsivity, hyperactivity, distractibility, disorganisation, and poor concentration.
It is a common condition encountered in child and adolescent psychiatry, affecting between 5% and 10% of South African children. Sadly, a more recent study indicated that ADHD-related symptoms may affect as many as 25% of South African children.
It is important to understand that a child with ADHD tries extremely hard to concentrate and manage their impulses — but this is almost impossible. A child making all this effort but still finding themselves in trouble for interrupting, being disruptive, and performing poorly academically is likely to become extremely anxious and even depressed.
ALSO READ: Decoding ADHD: What it is, how to diagnose it & how to treat it
As mentioned in the introduction, there are many misconceptions surrounding ADHD. In fact, there are so many that in 2021, the World Federation of ADHD released a statement addressing 208 misconceptions and offering evidence-based conclusions on the disorder. (Source)
I’m not going to cover all 208 myths — but here are eight of the big ones.
This is a dangerous myth for two reasons. Firstly, it implies the sufferer has control over the condition, and secondly, that there are no medical techniques to diagnose or treat ADHD.
Truth: ADHD has a hereditary component, with one in four children having a parent who has it. Technically, it is coded on specific chromosomes. In certain cases, brain imaging techniques reveal distinct variations in brain development between children with and without ADHD.
Diagnosis should only be made by a psychiatrist, neurologist, or paediatrician trained in this field. It involves a clinical examination (to rule out other conditions) and psychological assessments (including observer reports, developmental and psychiatric history).
A proper ADHD diagnosis meets the criteria for validity as a mental disorder, and well-trained doctors across various settings and cultures agree on the defined diagnostic criteria.
What a heavy burden to place on a parent. This cruel myth implies that parents are to blame, and that with the “right” discipline, the condition would disappear.
Truth: ADHD stems from differences in brain development — not discipline styles or parenting methods. That said, parents can be taught strategies to help children manage symptoms. Behavioural Parent Training (BPT) is one of the most effective methods.
A common comment made by well-meaning grannies or those with little understanding of ADHD.
Truth: ADHD has been described for centuries. While it may not have been called ADHD, historical reports describe symptoms consistent with the disorder. In 1775, a German physician, Melchior Weikman, published the first textbook description of what we now recognise as ADHD. This is not a “new” disorder.
Many parents fear that stimulant medications are “gateway drugs” that increase the likelihood of future addiction.
Truth: Untreated ADHD can have a major impact on a child’s future. Children with ADHD are more likely to experience learning difficulties, poor self-esteem, peer rejection, aggression, risky behaviour and injuries. These challenges — not the medication — are linked to substance abuse.
Research shows that ADHD sufferers are three times more likely to be nicotine-dependent and 50% more likely to develop substance use habits. It’s the disorder, not the treatment, that increases the risk. Treatment actually reduces the risk of substance abuse by helping children manage symptoms.
This myth suggests that with the right remedial intervention, a child can “recover”.
Truth: ADHD is not a learning disability — it’s a psychiatric condition. However, ADHD symptoms often interfere with learning. Children may struggle with instruction, staying on task, and managing time. While ADHD is separate from learning disabilities like dyslexia or dyscalculia, the conditions can co-exist.
This always makes me think of the old rhyme: “Little girls are made of sugar and spice…”
Truth: ADHD is diagnosed more often in boys — but not because it only affects boys. Boys tend to show more outwardly disruptive behaviours, while girls are more likely to be inattentive, daydreamy, or quietly distracted. As a result, girls are often underdiagnosed.
“He’s just being a boy,” or “she’s just a dreamer” — sound familiar?
Truth: ADHD is a psychiatric condition. Symptoms may diminish over time, but this is usually due to the development of coping strategies. With support and treatment, many children learn to manage their symptoms better — but that doesn’t mean they have outgrown the disorder.
Parents often say, “But he can play video games for hours!”
Truth: Children with ADHD can concentrate — if the activity is stimulating or highly rewarding. The difficulty lies in directing attention to less exciting, but necessary tasks, like schoolwork. These children may become hyper-focused on one activity, to the exclusion of everything else.
CHECK OUT: ADHD Brain vs ‘Normal’ Brain: Key Differences Explained
I’ve chosen to focus on just 8 of the 208 myths surrounding ADHD for one reason: these myths hurt the very children we’re trying to help. They increase stigma, undermine medical professionals, and delay or prevent treatment. And the impact on families and children can be devastating.
Resources:
Imaginative play and crafting are key to unlocking creativity. Find out how these activities foster fine motor skills and boost children’s development.
Many parents find themselves stretched thin, emotionally exhausted, and struggling to stay connected with their partners. So, how does raising a neurodivergent child affect relationships, and what can you do to keep your bond strong? Let’s break it down.
The Emotional and Mental Load
If you’re constantly managing therapy schedules, IEP meetings, and sensory challenges, you’re not alone. Many parents find themselves in “survival mode,” juggling endless responsibilities with little time to breathe. The emotional toll of supporting a child with unique needs can be exhausting, sometimes leaving little energy for your relationship.
Different Coping Styles
Everyone handles stress differently. Maybe you throw yourself into research, trying to find the best interventions, while your partner avoids conversations about your child’s needs because it feels too overwhelming. These differences can cause misunderstandings, making one partner feel unsupported or disconnected.
Financial Stress
Let’s face it—raising a neurodivergent child can be expensive. Therapy, special education, and medical costs add up fast. If one parent has to cut back on work to manage childcare, the pressure can be even greater. Financial strain is one of the biggest sources of conflict in any relationship, and it can feel even heavier when layered with the additional challenges of neurodivergence.
Social Isolation
Many parents of neurodivergent kids find their social circles shrinking. Outings can be difficult when sensory sensitivities or behavioural challenges come into play, and friends or family members may not fully understand what you’re going through. As a result, parents often lean more on each other for support, which can be tough if both of you are already feeling overwhelmed.
Advocacy and School Struggles
Dealing with schools, pushing for accommodations, and managing behavioural challenges at home can feel like a never-ending battle. If one partner takes on most of the advocacy work, resentment can creep in.
Physical and Mental Exhaustion
Caring for a neurodivergent child can be physically and mentally draining. The lack of sleep, the stress of managing meltdowns, and the constant vigilance can lead to burnout. And when both partners are exhausted, finding time for each other often takes a backseat.
Talk—Even When It’s Hard
Communication is key. Make time to check in with each other—without distractions. Be honest about your feelings and listen to each other without judgment. Even short conversations about how you’re coping can help maintain connection.
Seek Professional Support
Therapists who specialise in parenting neurodivergent children can help you manage stress and improve your relationship. Couples therapy or support groups can also be a lifeline when things feel overwhelming.
Find a Support System
You don’t have to do this alone. Reach out to friends, family, or other parents who understand your journey. Joining a support group can make a huge difference in reducing isolation.
Make Time for Each Other
Yes, your child’s needs are important, but so is your relationship. Even if it’s just 20 minutes after bedtime to reconnect, make it happen. Try planning occasional date nights or even small moments of togetherness, like sharing a morning coffee or a walk around the block.
Share the Load
Divide caregiving tasks so that neither of you feels like you’re doing it all alone. Acknowledge each other’s contributions—feeling appreciated goes a long way in preventing resentment.
Get on the Same Page About Finances
Money stress can add fuel to the fire. If financial strain is an issue, consider working with a financial planner who understands the costs associated with neurodivergence. Setting a budget together can provide some peace of mind.
YOU MUST READ: What Is Neurodiversity? 7 Things Every Parent Should Know
Raising a neurodivergent child brings both challenges and immense growth. While the pressures can strain relationships, taking small but intentional steps—like communicating openly, sharing responsibilities, and finding support—can help keep your partnership strong. You and your partner are a team, and by working together, you can create a loving, stable environment for both your child and your relationship.
References
When sensory experiences affect communication, everyday sounds, textures and lights can influence how autistic children connect with others.
What is colic? How do I know if my baby has colic? How do you treat colic? These are the most-asked questions by parents with babies who cry.
The Mayo Clinic defines colic this way: “Colic is when an otherwise healthy baby cries or fusses frequently for no clear reason. The baby cries for more than 3 hours a day at least 3 days per week for more than 3 weeks”.
The definition is known as Wessel’s Rule of Three. But if you are a parent of a baby with colic then you probably don’t need a medial definition right now. You could have come up with this yourself but what the definition does do is help us to acknowledge that colic or a baby that cries a lot is real. It also gives us guidelines on how to distinguish between colic and illness.
ALSO READ: When it comes to your child’s poo, what’s normal & what’s not?
Babies do cry a lot, especially in the first couple of months. Remember it is their only means of communication so they may need to let you know they are hungry, tired, wet, uncomfortable or ill. Crying is an activity that takes up at least 2 hours a day for any baby but when the crying is more prolonged or coupled with other symptoms then parents do need to take note.
If a baby comes into my practice there are a number of boxes I need to tick before I will call the crying colic. I need to exclude the following:
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The honest answer is that we really don’t know why babies who are otherwise healthy have these intense periods of crying. Researchers looking into the causes of colic have suggested a few contributing factors:
From the definition we saw that babies with colic cry for no apparent reason and are usually difficult to console when the crying begins. As caregivers, we desperately want to help but keep in mind that there isn’t a medicine or treatment for colic. There are just some tips which may make it easier for you and the baby to cope. These include:
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The phrase “Period of PURPLE crying” was coined by an expert in infant crying called Dr Ronald Barr. The PURPLE helps parents to understand what this crying is and to assure them that it is normal and that the majority of babies experience this to a greater or lesser degree. The assurance is that there is nothing wrong with your baby and you are not doing anything wrong. It appears to be a normal physiological process. He describes it this way:
P Peak of crying. Your baby may cry more each week peaking around 6 weeks of age and becoming less by 5 to 6 months of age.
U Unexpected crying. Your baby suddenly starts crying for absolutely no reason. Baby is fed, winded, comfortable and yet starts to cry. This can be extremely distressing for a parent who is doing everything to make baby happy.
R Resists soothing. Your baby may not respond to any of the advice I gave earlier in the article. Baby may cry despite all your efforts.
P Pain-like face. The baby goes red in the face and appears to be in pain even if he or she isn’t.
L Long lasting. A baby can cry for many hours a day, at any time of the day.
E Evening. Babies usually cry in the late afternoon or early evening. At this stage both parents are usually exhausted from a full day and the crying can be extremely stressful.
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In my experience this Period of PURPLE crying defines a situation that every parent will experience at some point of their babies life, in the age group described. Colic seems to be a term that we attribute to certain babies. In fact we should see these two terms as being interchangeable as the important feature is that the baby is not ill and has no apparent reason for crying.
Both cause a huge amount of stress to the caregivers but are not harmful to the baby in any way. Your baby will be absolutely fine when this period passes. What we need to ensure is that you are absolutely fine as well.
The most common cause for shaken baby syndrome is colic or PURPLE crying. If you are at your wits end then take a break. You are not a bad parent, just a parent dealing with a situation which has no medical cure and you just have to ride the tsunami until it passes. It will pass, I promise.
In the meantime surround yourself with people who can support you. Have a look at the YouTube videos which explain exactly what you and your baby are going through and seek help if you are unsure of anything. An article published in the American Journal of Paediatrics puts it this way: “authors have shown that parental counselling may be more effective than changes in infant nutrition”. As always, knowledge is power. If your baby has been cleared of any illness then know that this is just a physiological phase that medical science hasn’t quite found many answers for.
References:
https://pedsinreview.aappublications.org/content/33/7/332
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAGGAYRpPCE
https://journals.lww.com/jpgn/Fulltext/2013/12001/Treatments_for_Infant_Colic.10.aspx
http://purplecrying.info/sub-pages/crying/what-is-colic.php
https://pedsinreview.aappublications.org/content/33/7/332
https://www.healthline.com/health/baby/purple-crying
What is colic in babies?
Colic is a condition where an otherwise healthy baby cries excessively and is difficult to soothe, typically for more than three hours a day, at least three days a week, for three weeks or more.
What are the common symptoms of colic?
The main symptom is intense, prolonged crying that occurs mainly in the late afternoon or evening. Babies may clench their fists, arch their backs, or pull their knees to their chest.
At what age does colic usually begin?
Colic often starts when a baby is 2-3 weeks old and tends to peak at around 6 weeks.
How long does colic last?
Most babies outgrow colic by 3-4 months of age, though in some cases, symptoms may persist slightly longer.
What causes colic?
The exact cause is unknown, but potential factors include digestive issues, gas, sensitivity to stimulation, or an underdeveloped nervous system.
Is colic related to feeding?
In some cases, colic may be linked to feeding, such as food allergies or sensitivities, swallowing air while feeding, or issues with milk flow.
How can I tell if my baby’s crying is due to colic and not something else?
Colic is characterised by crying that follows the “rule of three” (more than three hours a day, three days a week, for at least three weeks). If your baby shows signs of illness or unusual symptoms, consult a doctor.
Can I prevent colic in my baby?
While colic cannot always be prevented, strategies like ensuring proper feeding techniques, burping your baby after feeding, and using a calm environment may help reduce the likelihood.
What are some effective ways to soothe a colicky baby?
Try rocking, swaddling, offering a pacifier, using white noise, or taking a walk with your baby. A warm bath or gentle tummy massage may also provide relief.
Is there a medical treatment for colic?
There is no specific cure, but treatments like anti-gas drops, probiotics, or changes in feeding routines may help. Always consult a doctor before trying any treatment.
Should I change my diet if I’m breastfeeding a colicky baby?
Eliminating certain foods like dairy, caffeine, or spicy foods from your diet may help if your baby has a sensitivity. Speak to your healthcare provider before making dietary changes.
When should I see a doctor about colic?
If your baby’s crying is accompanied by symptoms like fever, vomiting, diarrhoea, poor weight gain, or unusual behaviour, seek medical advice promptly to rule out other health issues.
Premature baby: the complications they face and how parents can help—learn about common challenges and how love, care and support make a difference.
Being a pregnant woman myself I know that the moment you receive the good news of a positive pregnancy test – your life will never be the same again! Ever!
But… being a pregnant DIETITIAN is a whole different level of “never be the same”.
As a pregnant dietitian I have found myself overthinking every part of this pregnancy especially my eating habits. “Am I eating enough? Why don’t I crave weird things like in the movies? Am I gaining enough weight? Am I gaining too much weight? Should I be drinking more water?”… but one question that I kept asking myself is “Do I need to eat more protein now that I am pregnant?”
I decided to look into this subject in a bit more detail.
Protein forms an essential part of a healthy diet in humans to support both growth and maintenance.(1) Protein, in the body, plays structural (keratin, collagen) and functional (enzymes, transport proteins, hormones) roles.(1)
Nutrient needs increase during pregnancy to support the growth of your baby as well as all the changes that are happening in your body. (1–3) The requirements for energy (calories) and protein increase particularly during the second and third trimesters. (2)
In the first trimester of pregnancy, the additional protein needs are minimal at approximately 1 g/day* which is not much different from non-pregnant women.(2) However, in the second and third trimesters of pregnancy, protein needs increase by an average of 21 g/day*.(2) The recommended dietary allowance (RDA) for protein during the first trimester of pregnancy is estimated at 46 g/day (0.8 g/kg bw/day)**, and at 71 g/day (1.1 g/kg bw/day)** during the second and third trimesters. (2)
*g/day = gram per day
**g/kg bw/day = gram per kg body weight per day
Thus, from the scientific evidence above, it is clear that during the second and third trimester pregnant women should consume more protein than non-pregnant women. It is also my opinion that this is more true for active, exercising moms.
However, from my personal experience – eating protein during your pregnancy is not something that comes natural or easy. Some mornings you wake up and you know there is no way you will be able to consume eggs for breakfast, or in my case, I really couldn’t eat any chicken (especially chicken leftovers that needed to be reheated). As a busy, active pregnant dietitian… leftovers used to be my “go to” option.
Being pregnant comes with lots of changes, change in appetite, nausea and food preferences being only a few.
I found that the following 10 tips really helped me to increase my protein intake while I am pregnant (I am still only 22 weeks, so I don’t have all the answers yet… but this really helped).
Congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope this blog and the 10 tips will help you to increase your protein intake during your pregnancy.
References:
The information provided on this website is based on the professional opinion of Nutrifundi dietitians and is intended solely for educational purposes. It is not meant to replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. We encourage readers to consult health care providers for personalised advice and treatment options related to their specific health concerns.
This content was sponsored by iNova Pharmaceuticals. The opinions and advice provided are solely those of Nutrifundi (Chanelle Retief) and not those of iNova Pharmaceuticals. For more information speak to your health care professional. IN2485/24
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Two key policies that guide inclusive education are White Paper 6 and the SIAS Policy (Screening, Identification, Assessment, and Support). This article explains what these policies mean for your child and how they help ensure access to the support they need.
Published in 2001, White Paper 6 sets out the government’s approach to inclusive education. The aim is to integrate children with disabilities and learning barriers into mainstream schools wherever possible, rather than placing them in specialised schools by default.
Key Aspects of White Paper 6:
Parental Rights Under White Paper 6:
White Paper 6 provides the broad vision for inclusive education, but the SIAS Policy establishes the process for identifying and assisting learners with additional needs.
The Screening, Identification, Assessment, and Support (SIAS) Policy, introduced in 2014, provides a structured approach for schools to identify learners who require additional assistance and determine the best way to support them.
How the SIAS Process Works:
How SIAS Empowers Parents:
Together, White Paper 6 and the SIAS Policy ensure that schools take active steps to identify and support neurodivergent learners.
White Paper 6 sets the vision for inclusive education, while SIAS provides the framework for implementation. Schools must:
These policies provide a legal basis for inclusive education, meaning schools must make reasonable adjustments to accommodate learners with additional needs.
Despite these policies, some schools struggle with full implementation due to resource constraints, lack of trained staff, or resistance to inclusive practices. However, knowing your child’s rights allows you to ensure their school is making the necessary provisions.
Educate Yourself – Understand your child’s rights under White Paper 6 and SIAS. This knowledge enables you to navigate school systems with confidence.
Engage with Educators – Attend IEP meetings, maintain open communication with teachers, and ensure follow-ups on your child’s progress.
Request Additional Support – If your child’s needs are not being met, advocate for adjustments by consulting specialists and involving the relevant education authorities if necessary.
By staying informed and actively participating in your child’s education, you can help ensure they receive the resources, support, and accommodations needed to succeed.
YOU MUST READ: What Is Neurodiversity? 7 Things Every Parent Should Know
Both White Paper 6 and the SIAS Policy are crucial in shaping an inclusive education system that caters to neurodivergent learners. While implementation challenges exist, understanding these policies equips parents with the tools to advocate for their child’s educational needs. By working collaboratively with schools and specialists, you can help create a supportive learning environment where your child can thrive.
References
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Prioritise Needs First – If sensory challenges are impacting daily life, an occupational therapist (OT) is a great starting point. If speech or communication is a concern, a speech therapist should be consulted first.
Ensure Collaboration – Encourage professionals to share insights with each other for a more cohesive treatment approach.
Check Medical Aid Coverage – Many South African medical aids cover certain treatments, but benefits vary. Discuss Prescribed Minimum Benefits (PMBs) with specialists to understand your options.
Role: A medical doctor with a specialisation in child psychiatry who diagnoses and treats mental health conditions.
When to Consult: If your child has emotional, behavioural, or mental health challenges such as ADHD, autism, anxiety, or mood disorders. They also prescribe medication if necessary.
What to Expect:
Treatment Approach:
Role: An expert in psychological and educational challenges who supports children in academic and emotional development.
When to Consult: If your child is struggling academically, socially, or emotionally. They also assist with school placements, exam accommodations, and Individualised Education Plans (IEPs).
What to Expect:
Treatment Approach:
Role: Helps children with motor skills, sensory processing, and daily life activities.
When to Consult: If your child struggles with sensory sensitivities, fine/gross motor skills, or daily tasks such as dressing and handwriting.
What to Expect:
Treatment Approach:
Role: A specialist in nervous system disorders affecting children.
When to Consult: If your child has conditions such as epilepsy, Tourette’s syndrome, developmental delays, or severe ADHD.
What to Expect:
Treatment Approach:
Role: Assesses and treats communication, speech, and language difficulties.
When to Consult: If your child has delayed speech, difficulty understanding or expressing language, or social communication challenges (e.g., in autism).
What to Expect:
Treatment Approach:
Role: Supports children’s emotional and social well-being through structured play therapy.
When to Consult: If your child is experiencing emotional trauma, anxiety, or behavioural difficulties. Particularly beneficial for non-verbal or young children.
What to Expect:
Treatment Approach:
Role: Provides nutritional guidance for children with dietary concerns, including food intolerances and eating difficulties.
When to Consult: If your child has restrictive eating habits (e.g., ARFID), allergies, weight concerns, or requires a special diet.
What to Expect:
Treatment Approach:
Role: A paediatrician specialising in developmental conditions.
When to Consult: If your child has suspected neurodevelopmental conditions such as autism, ADHD, or intellectual disabilities.
What to Expect:
Treatment Approach:
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Each professional plays a vital role in supporting your child’s unique needs. Ensuring open communication among practitioners, teachers, and family members leads to better outcomes. With the right team in place, parents can feel confident in providing their child with the best possible support system.
References
South African Speech-Language-Heaing Association (SASLHA). (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.saslha.co.za
South African Society of Psychiatrists (SASOP). (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.sasop.co.za
Autism South Africa. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.aut2know.co.za
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