Birth is powerful, unpredictable and deeply emotional, which is why partners play such a meaningful role in the room. Whether you are calm by nature or nervous inside, 6 ways to ace birth partnering can help you feel ready to support with intention and confidence. Alot of the time, a birth partner will worry about saying the wrong thing or not doing enough, especially when labour intensifies. It is normal to feel unsure at first. With the right guidance and a little preparation, you can offer comfort, reassurance and steady presence that genuinely shapes how supported a mother feels during birth.
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Gone are the days of fathers anxiously pacing the hospital corridors, cigars at the ready for when they announce the arrival of a healthy baby boy or girl. Men are now encouraged to be actively involved in pregnancy and even be at the business end of the birth.
Robbie Williams described the birth of his first child “like watching his favourite pub burn down”… But for all the jokes and hilarious stories, this day is just as big a deal for dad as it is for mom. The upside is that dad gets to sidestep the pain and assist from the side. The downside is, well… that dad has to sidestep the pain and assist from the side.
Know the plan and stick to it
Although not all couples write down and carefully discuss their birth plan with their doctor, you should know what your partner wants/is hoping for. If she’s made it clear that she wants an epidural or no epidural or natural or elective caesarean, you need to know exactly how she’s going to feel about all the possible procedures. Also, remember that anaesthetists are thin on the ground in South Africa. If you’re hoping for an epidural, remind the nurses to notify the anaesthetist as soon as you arrive at the hospital.
Make a list and check it twice
Be like Santa. In the weeks leading up to the due date, keep a list of everything that could be needed for the hospital and write it down. Whether you use a list app on your phone or an actual piece of paper, make sure you’ve thought of everything from phone chargers to music playlists – you’ll likely spend several hours in that theatre so plan to entertain your partner.
“It’s amazing how many men go into total denial when their wives tell them it’s time.”
Car prep
This may be the item you’ve been waiting for, but it’s not what you think. By “car prep”, we don’t mean testing how fast your car can go from 0-100 km in an hour. It also doesn’t mean timing your mad racing skills from home to the hospital. It’s the rather mundane but essential things that you need to consider. In the weeks leading up to the birth:
- Make sure your fuel tank is never too low.
- Have your tyres checked and include your spare tyre.
- Put all necessary copies, documentation and medical aid confirmations in your cubbyhole now!
Believe her
It’s amazing how many men go into total denial when their wives tell them it’s time. “Are you sure it isn’t Braxton Hicks?” they’ll say. Believe her. Even if it ends up being a false alarm, you need to believe her the next time. Believe her even when she’s not sure she believes herself. Don’t wait, and don’t get into an argument. Right now, your partner represents two lives and it is your job to protect them and bring them to the hospital. That is your biggest, best and most vital role.
Be the PR agent
The extended family are all going to want a piece of the action. They’ll be phoning non-stop, messaging, requesting updates and possibly Instagram posts. For you, this is the time to really shine. Take possession of your wife’s phone and kill all calls as they come in. Have a simple template message that you can WhatsApp to people explaining that you’re not taking calls at this time. This is the one time when people don’t need to be a part of every single moment. After the birth of your beautiful child, you can put a few photos out there with a message like “Mommy and baby are doing well.”
Take the doctor’s lead
Childbirth is strange because it all starts very slowly, and then suddenly everything happens at the same time. The doctor will suddenly emerge in a rubber apron and gumboots (true story) and it’ll feel like it’s all happening too fast. At this point, your wife will be surrounded by nurses, and things will become a bit of a blur. Position yourself at your partner’s head and hold her hand.
If you’re asked to move, step back politely and keep eye contact with her … and hold her hand. She’s going to be scared and in a lot of pain. It doesn’t really matter what comforting things you say at this time. It’s all about the tone. Say soothing things and keep her updated on what’s happening on the other end. Tell her when you see the top of the head, etc. and trust me, you’ll be so excited that you’ll probably be yelling it!
Think about it this way. You will have control on the day, where your partner is not going to have much control at all. Savour every moment because you’ll never be the same afterwards.
ALSO READ: WATCH: How do doulas make a difference during pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum?
BabyYumYum FAQ’s: Ways to Be a Confident Birth Partner
What does it mean to be a confident birth partner?
Being a confident birth partner means offering emotional, physical and practical support during labour and birth. It’s about staying calm, informed, and responsive to the mother’s needs throughout the experience.
How can I prepare before the birth?
Educate yourself about labour stages, pain-relief options, and hospital procedures. Attend antenatal classes together, discuss her birth preferences, and understand what helps her feel supported and safe.
Is it normal to feel nervous about the birth?
Yes. Most birth partners feel some anxiety. Preparation, communication and knowing what to expect help reduce uncertainty and build confidence.
What should I say or do during labour?
Offer reassurance, use positive language, remind her she’s doing well, and follow her cues. Sometimes support means active encouragement, and sometimes it means quiet presence.
How can I help with pain management?
Assist with breathing techniques, massage, counter-pressure, position changes and hydration. Know which comfort measures she prefers and be ready to help her advocate for them.
What’s my role when communicating with medical staff?
You can help by listening carefully, asking questions when necessary, and ensuring her preferences are heard. Your role is not to argue – it’s to support clarity and calm decision-making.
How do I stay calm if labour becomes challenging?
Focus on your breathing, stay close, and remember your role is to be her anchor. Staying calm helps her stay calm. If overwhelmed, briefly step out, regroup, and return grounded.
What if her birth plan changes unexpectedly?
Be flexible and supportive. Birth can be unpredictable. Reassure her that changing the plan is okay and that you’re there to help her make informed, safe choices.
What practical things can I bring or organise for the big day?
Pack a hospital bag together, organise snacks, charge devices, arrange transport and know the route to the facility. Taking care of logistics helps reduce stress for both of you.
How can I support her after the baby is born?
Help with skin-to-skin contact, feeding support, communicating with staff, and ensuring she rests. Continue offering encouragement and help her adjust during those early hours and days.
Can I still be a confident birth partner during a C-section?
Yes. Whether it’s planned or unplanned, you can provide reassurance, hold her hand, help her stay calm, and support her afterwards with mobility, feeding, and emotional care.
What’s the most important thing to remember?
Your presence, empathy, and calmness matter far more than doing everything perfectly. Confidence grows from showing up, being present and responding with care.
TAKE A LOOK AT: The importance of having a birth plan
Disclaimer: This information provides general guidance and should not replace personalised medical advice. For questions about labour, delivery, or birth support, please consult a qualified healthcare professional.
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