Big emotions are part of growing up, but for children, they can often feel overwhelming and confusing. Knowing 5 tips for managing your child’s big feelings can help you guide your little one through frustration, sadness, or anger with more patience and empathy.
When a child feels seen and supported, they’re better able to understand and regulate their emotions. These moments, though tough, are powerful opportunities to build trust, emotional intelligence, and resilience. Try these 5 tips for managing your child’s big feelings to make emotional challenges more manageable—for both of you.
How are you? How are you feeling? What’s up? So often when we are asked these type of questions, we tend to express how we are feeling with just a few words, like “good,” “fine,” “busy,” and “okay.”
Just like maths and science have their own unique vocabularies, emotions have a language of their own. When we have more words to describe our feelings, we are better able to understand them and communicate them to others. When we can identify specifically what we’re feeling, we’re also in a better place to do something about it.
We’re fortunate to live in a time when research and neuroscience provide concrete evidence to support an idea many have long felt to be true: our relationship with our emotions shapes our brain, our potential for success and the health of all relationships.
Developing emotional literacy aids a child’s mental health and also physical well-being, as both are inextricably linked. So when it comes to helping our children manage their big feelings there is an integral factor that is often overlooked: parents need to manage our feeling before we can help our children manage theirs.
Emotion drives cognition. We were emotional creatures before we were intellectual creatures. The intellect is the last part of our brain to develop. Our earliest experiences are emotional ones – we feel long before we think… and later on, our capacity to think clearly is very much dependent to our capacity to be in touch with our emotions.
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Here are the 5 top tips:
- Identify the triggers. In order to effectively manage triggers, you need to first identity them… whining, eye rolling, being cheeky, sulking… the list goes on and on. And what are your child’s triggers?
- Name the feeling… Name it to tame it . Start with: “I/You seem ______” then take our best educated guess at how you/they feel. We need to make friends with all our emotions, not just the ones we’re comfortable with… we must get comfortable with the discomfort of the unpleasant emotions that leave us feeling unhinged.
- Breathe – After you’ve named the feeling, take a few deep breaths with your child to calm those little (& big) bodies and relax the nervous system. (If you can’t remember anything else – just breathe… take a deep breath in and then a long slow exhale… and again and again…) Active calming is a game changer!
- Validate – The most important thing is for your children to see that you’re strong enough to hold all their feelings. This is counter-intuitive to how most of us were raised. Our parents’ generation were doing their best with the skills that were available to them and they generally viewed feeling (angry, sad, grumpy) as an inconvenience that had to be “squashed” or otherwise the child would be “spoilt”. Say something like: “You’re allowed to feel angry, you’re not allowed to hurt yourself and others” is an example of a validation with a boundary that helps children to feel safe and seen.
- Stop taking it personally – it’s not about you! They say it’s difficult to read the instructions when you’re stuck inside the bottle. I have a mantra that I repeat to myself when I’m triggered “This is happening in front of me, not to me”. It’s a good lesson to model for your kids.
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Managing our emotions is not about suppressing them, controlling them, or conforming to someone else’s idea about what we should do or feel. It’s not just about calming down. We manage emotions so that we can think clearly, make the best decisions, form and maintain healthy relationships, and experience well-being.
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Finally extend grace and compassion, to yourself first, and then to your child – if children could manage their big feelings on their own, they would. Parenting small humans is certainly not for the faint hearted and just by showing up, you’re doing it!
Resources: Bailey, R. A. (2011). Managing Emotional Mayhem. Loving Guidance Inc.
Brackett, M. (2019). Permission to Feel. Quercus Publishing.
Also read: A guide to supporting your teens through exams
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BabyYumYum Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) – 5 Tips for Managing Your Child’s Big Feelings
What are “big feelings” in young children?
“Big feelings” refer to strong emotional responses like frustration, anger, sadness or anxiety. Young children feel emotions intensely but often lack the tools or vocabulary to express them clearly, which can lead to meltdowns or outbursts.
Why is it important to help children label their emotions?
Labelling emotions gives children the language to understand and express what they’re feeling. This builds emotional literacy and helps them move from confusion to clarity, making it easier to regulate their responses.
How do I model emotional regulation as a parent?
Start by recognising your own emotional triggers and taking steps to stay calm during difficult moments. Children learn how to manage emotions by watching how you respond to stress, anger, or disappointment.
What’s the role of breathing in calming down big emotions?
Breathing deeply activates the body’s calming system, helping both you and your child reset the nervous system. Practising breathing together also teaches your child a practical self-soothing technique they can use anytime.
What does emotional validation look like in practice?
Validation means acknowledging and accepting your child’s feelings without judgement. For example, saying, “I can see that you’re really upset, and that’s okay. Let’s talk about it,” shows you’re safe and supportive even when emotions run high.
Isn’t it spoiling children to let them express anger or frustration?
No, validating emotions does not mean allowing inappropriate behaviour. It teaches that feelings are acceptable, but hurting others or breaking rules isn’t. This approach helps children feel secure, understood and guided.
What if I get frustrated and react poorly in the moment?
You’re human. Apologise, model accountability, and use it as a learning opportunity. Children benefit from seeing adults repair and reflect, which teaches that emotional missteps can be mended with kindness and honesty.
Can managing emotions improve my child’s behaviour overall?
Yes. When children feel seen, safe and supported, they’re more likely to cooperate and communicate effectively. Emotional regulation improves their ability to solve problems, get along with others, and develop resilience.
How do I know when my child needs more support with their emotions?
If your child consistently struggles to manage emotions in a way that affects daily life—such as frequent meltdowns, aggression or withdrawal—consider speaking with a paediatrician or child psychologist for guidance.
What can I do if my child refuses to talk about how they’re feeling?
Try different approaches, such as using picture books, emotion cards, or play-based conversations. Children may express themselves more easily through art, stories or pretend play than through direct questions.
Disclaimer: This content is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional advice. If you have concerns about your child’s emotional development, please consult a qualified mental health or healthcare professional.
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