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Perfectionists

Gifted children commonly exhibit perfectionism – a double-edged sword that drives them to persevere until they get things right on the one hand, but makes them strong-willed and reluctant to attempt tasks if they suspect there is a chance of failure on the other.

A strong sense of justice and right or wrong is another prevalent trait, Kokot adds. Gifted children are profoundly concerned with fairness and feel keenly disappointed if someone fails to deliver on a promise.

They develop differently

“Many gifted children experience asynchronous development – their cognitive development may be ahead of their chronological or emotional age,” Kokot continues. This also makes it difficult for them to relate to their peers. Frequently, they prefer spending time with older people whose conversation they find more stimulating, or younger children because they are less challenging company.

“For example, a gifted child may find out that boys his age like cars. So, he’ll research the topic but then feel frustrated, as the others only want to talk about cars they like because they’re fast and not about Henry Ford’s inventions.”

Big-picture thinkers

This points to one of the key defining features of life for a gifted child: they are big-picture thinkers who have an incredible ability to take in, process, and remember huge amounts of information quickly and accurately. It makes them outstanding problem-solvers, but it also means that the traditional schooling system, which includes a lot of repetition, can be stifling for them. Imagine being forced to listen to your classmates figure out what it means when the little hand points to five while you’re grappling with the concept of time itself. 

Feeling uncomfortable

Many gifted children feel uncomfortable in a traditional educational system. They often feel bored or lost because they don’t receive sufficient stimulation and they struggle with learning by rote (memorising information through repetition without understanding the underlying concepts).

Ironically, unprepared teachers may interpret this as an inability to handle the material. Instead of letting a gifted child learn in their own way, a teacher who doesn’t understand their learning needs may hold them back. This can lead to frustration, depression and disruptiveness among boys, while girls may tend to conform in order to gain their teachers’ approval. There is also a danger that gifted children may be labelled or misdiagnosed as neurodivergent and even medicated for conditions such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

The importance of a supportive environment

While finding a school that understands the needs and challenges of gifted children undoubtedly helps, parents should also take the emphasis off marks. This could help these children enjoy school more. More importantly, it helps them develop an internal locus of control. “When we fixate on the marks we achieve, we rely on others for judgement and validation. We want the opposite to happen; we want to feel that we have the power to make a day go well for ourselves,” Kokot says.

Gifted children should also be given the scope to explore the concepts they find fascinating without constraints. As Kokot puts it, “let them go down their own rabbit holes”. To satisfy their strong desire for interesting conversation and spending time with adults, it’s crucial to give them space to connect. However, it’s equally important to help them find ways to enrich their lives through activities such as reading or developing autonomous learning skills.

“The philosopher Schopenhauer once said that talent is hitting a target no one else can hit, while genius is hitting a target no one else can see, and I think that sums up the experience of gifted children,” Kokot says. Assuring your child that they have your support while they aim for that target makes all the difference in helping them to thrive.