The words ‘new mom’ and ‘sexy’ don’t really fit well together, do they? Things like sleepless nights and constant exhaustion, breastfeeding and sore or cracked nipples, changing nappies and having permanently stained clothes don’t help a woman feel sexy or elicit any sort of desires. Almost every new mom struggles with the transition back to feeling their sexy self again, so here are a few tips to help you along the way:
Ask for help
It might sound odd, but asking for help and having a little pressure and responsibility taken off your plate can make a huge difference to your wellbeing and sense of self. Even if that help is in the form of a friend who pops over to keep watch over a sleeping babe while you get to take a bubble bath. If you are able to afford help or you have parents or friends who are willing to take over sometimes, use them, because an improvement in your wellbeing naturally lends itself to feeling sexier.
Buy something that makes you feel sexy
Maternity or nursing underwear doesn’t have to be ugly! Buying new, sexy and luxurious undies for your current figure can really help you feel more confident, but getting your sexy back isn’t just limited to what you wear. A dreamy moisturiser, a delicious perfume, or even wearing lipstick at home… whatever makes you feel good and gives you a confidence boost is good for you.
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Partners should focus on “I want you” not “I want sex”
If your partner is struggling to feel confident and sexy postpartum, giving her support and reminding her that you desire her (and not just sex) is crucial. Reminding her that she’s beautiful, and that you still see her as that sexy woman even though she’s now a mom too can help her feel a lot more confident during at this time.
If you’re needing more validation from your partner, ask for it! They can’t read your mind and if this helps you feel sexier or more like yourself, then ask for what you need.
You probably often hear “happy mom, happy baby”, and this overflows into the realm of feeling sexy again, too. Feeling sexy means something different to everyone. But what is the same for all women, is that feeling sexy means we’re feeling confident, we’re feeling positive and we’re being kind to ourselves. And don’t we all need some of that?
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Stop with the pressure
When it comes to feeling sexy, every woman has a different list of what contributes to her feeling that way. Whether it’s losing baby weight, having your nails done, clean hair, compliments or just a decent night’s sleep.
But the more pressure you put on yourself to achieve these things, and the less you’re able to achieve (because let’s be honest – newborn!), you’ll feel guilty, and that is not going to help you feel sexy at all. Give yourself permission to just be in this phase right now and use it to empower yourself rather than pull yourself down.
About Catriona Boffard
Catriona is an accredited clinical sexologist, psychotherapist, sexuality researcher & speaker. She is an expert in the field of sexual behaviour, intimacy, relationships and mental well-being, with a particular interest in helping people create or reestablish sexual intimacy and empowering women to embrace their sexuality.
She has delivered her expertise across media, business and private platforms and is a globally recognised voice in the field of sex, pleasure and relationships. She runs a global practice online, consulting with clients from around the world, but has a practice in Johannesburg, South Africa and London, United Kingdom.
