Trying to talk to your teens about sex can feel like walking into a conversation covered in warning signs, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Teens want honesty, clarity and respect far more than lectures or panic-driven chats. With the right approach, you can talk to your teens about sex in a way that feels safe for them and calm for you. Sometimes all it takes is dropping the pressure and starting from a place of trust, writes Jennifer Power, La Trobe University; Alexandra James, La Trobe University, and Thomas Norman, La Trobe University.
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Parents play an important role in teaching their children about sex and relationships. But our new report shows many parents – fathers in particular – find it mortifying.
Our national survey of 1,918 parents shows they are most likely to be very confident talking with children about body image (45%) and puberty (38%) and least confident talking about masturbation (12%) or sexual satisfaction (13%).
Mothers are more likely than fathers to start discussions about sex (32.3% vs 23.9%).
Our survey confirms the most common barriers to discussing sex with children are children feeling uncomfortable or refusing to engage. But parents are uncomfortable too, fearing they’ll say the wrong thing, and not knowing how to start the conversation.
But if a teenager knows their parents are up for non-judgemental discussions about sex, they’ll be more likely to share what is happening in their lives, ask questions and seek help when they need it.
Here’s how to start those discussions, even if you feel awkward.
Our top tips for talking about sex
1. Start when children are young. “The sex talk” is not one single conversation. Parents should aim to open the door to ongoing, age-appropriate dialogue about issues related to bodies, reproduction and puberty when children are young. Even children under five should be learning about their bodies and the basics of reproduction.
Starting conversations when kids are young will make it easier to continue into the teenage years. But it’s never too late. Children will benefit from parents engaging with them on these issues at any age.
2. Find everyday opportunities to ask questions. Television, movies and radio mention sex and relationships all the time.
For instance, issues relating to young people viewing pornography or the impact of social media are regular features on the news. Use these opportunities to ask teenagers what they understand, know or think. Show interest in your teenager’s opinion and ask questions about how this portrayal fits with their experiences or that of their friends.
The conversation doesn’t need to lead to a specific message or outcome. The purpose is to talk and listen.
3. Try not to lead with what not to do. Telling a young person not to have sex or watch pornography is unlikely to stop them doing it and may shut down future conversation. Many young people become sexually active from around 15 to 17 years of age and a majority have viewed pornography at least once by this age.
The best we can do is support them to think carefully and critically about what they need to stay safe. Let them know you can help with things such as finding a good doctor if they need advice on contraception or sexual health care.
4. Tell your teenagers stories about yourself. Young people don’t always appreciate being reminded their parents were once teenagers, but they might be interested in a story about your first relationship, first kiss or an embarrassing date. Showing your own vulnerability may help open dialogue on these topics.
If you aren’t comfortable telling stories about yourself, perhaps tell stories you have read or heard about in the news.
5. Own your embarrassment. It is hard to talk about intimate or embarrassing topics. For some people even saying the word “masturbation” is uncomfortable, let alone speaking with children or teenagers about it.
Keeping it light and being prepared to laugh at your own awkwardness can help break the ice for both you and your teenager.
6. Do some reading and practise talking about it. Most of us don’t have a lot of experience talking intimately about sex or relationships. Do some research on topics you would like to speak with your teenagers about and then have a chat to your partner or a friend about it.
The aim is to get more comfortable talking about things we don’t often talk about. You don’t have to be an expert, you just have to give it a go.
Will talking about sex encourage my child to do it?
Parents are often told they need to be “sex positive” when talking to teenagers about sex. This doesn’t mean avoiding talking about risks and responsibilities. Rather, it means holding the perspective that, in the right circumstances, sex can be a safe, enjoyable and positive part of a young person’s life.
Talking about sex will not encourage a young person to have sex before they are ready.
Teaching young people about sexual consent relies on valuing pleasure. If someone can understand, and articulate, what they like and want, they will be in a stronger position to assert what they do not want. Young people should be encouraged to tune into what they, and their partner, enjoy and value when it comes to sex.
Sexual health messages for young people often focus on dangers and negative outcomes. It can be easy to forget that sex education should also be about supporting young people to have safe and enjoyable sex when they are ready. Parents play a key role in delivering this message.
Talk soon. Talk often: A guide for parents to talk to their kids about sex helps parents judge age-appropriate information and how to talk about it.
Jennifer Power, Principal Research Fellow, Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, La Trobe University; Alexandra James, Research Fellow, Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, La Trobe University, and Thomas Norman, Research Fellow, Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, La Trobe University
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
BabyYumYum FAQs: Ways to Talk to Your Teens About Sex Without the Awkwardness
Why is it important to talk to teens about sex?
Teens need accurate, age-appropriate information to make safe, informed decisions. Without open conversations, they often rely on peers or the internet, which can lead to misinformation and risky behaviour.
Why do parents feel so awkward discussing sex?
Most adults didn’t grow up with open conversations about sex, so it feels unfamiliar. Many fear saying the wrong thing or encouraging sex too early, but honest communication actually delays risky behaviour, not the opposite.
How do I start the conversation without making it uncomfortable?
Start with everyday moments like TV scenes, news stories, social media posts and use them as natural entry points. Keep your tone calm and matter-of-fact to show your teen they can talk openly with you.
What if my teen shuts down or says they’re uncomfortable?
Acknowledge their feelings and try again later. Let them know you’re available anytime, and give them space to process. Sometimes a walk, car ride or casual setting makes the conversation easier.
Do I need to cover everything in one big talk?
No. Short, ongoing conversations work far better than one overwhelming “big talk.” Teens absorb information better when it’s revisited over time as they grow.
How honest should I be?
Be clear, direct, and medically accurate. Teens appreciate honesty, they can tell when adults avoid topics. Keep explanations age-appropriate and free of shame or fear-based messaging.
Should I talk about consent and boundaries too?
Absolutely. Consent, respect, boundaries, and healthy relationships should be part of every sex conversation. Teach your teen that no means no, and that mutual respect is essential.
What if my teen gets their information from friends or social media?
Ask what they’ve heard and gently correct any myths. Encourage them to check facts with you, a trusted adult, or reliable health sources rather than relying on social media.
How do I handle the topic of contraception and protection?
Discuss condoms, contraception, and STI prevention calmly and clearly. Even if you hope your teen waits to be sexually active, it’s essential they know how to protect themselves when the time comes.
How can I ensure my teen feels safe coming to me with questions?
Avoid judgemental reactions, keep your tone open and relaxed, and reassure them that their feelings and questions are normal. Respect their privacy and treat them with maturity.
What if I worry my teen is already sexually active?
Start by opening a conversation, not confronting them. Ask about their wellbeing, relationships, and boundaries. Focus on safety, consent and emotional readiness rather than punishment or panic.
Disclaimer: This information is for general guidance only and does not replace medical or psychological advice. For personalised support, speak to a healthcare provider, counsellor or sexual health professional.
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